Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: VINCE MCMAHON TO BEGIN BREAKING INTO HOMES, FORCE EVERYONE TO PUT ON RAW

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:15
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here VINCE MCMAHON TO BEGIN BREAKING INTO HOMES, FORCE EVERYONE TO PUT ON RAW By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – After the October 1 edition of Monday Night Raw scored an abysmal 2.5 rating, especially compared to Monday Night Football’s 6.8, things have gotten tense at Titan Tower. WWE CEO Continue Reading...
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Headlies: DANNY DAVIS, DAVE HEBNER DISAGREE ON TOUCHDOWN IN PACKERS-SEAHAWKS GAME

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:14
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here DANNY DAVIS, DAVE HEBNER DISAGREE ON TOUCHDOWN IN PACKERS-SEAHAWKS GAME By RD Reynolds Seattle, WA – The Seahawks defeated the Packers on Monday Night Football, 14-12, but the game will be remembered for its controversial ending in which replacement referee Danny Davis awarded a touchdown on a last-ditch pass Continue Reading...
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Headlies: SHEAMUS, ALBERTO DEL RIO WILL END 31-YEAR FEUD THIS SUNDAY

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:13
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here SHEAMUS, ALBERTO DEL RIO WILL END 31-YEAR FEUD THIS SUNDAY By RD Reynolds Boston – After beginning their World Heavyweight Championship feud in the fall of 1981, champion Sheamus and forever-challenger Alberto Del Rio will settle the score at Night of Champions this Sunday in Beantown. Although WWE customarily Continue Reading...
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Headlies: MAN WHO “ALMOST NEVER” WATCHES WWE OVERJOYED FOOTBALL SEASON IS STARTING

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:11
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here MAN WHO “ALMOST NEVER” WATCHES WWE OVERJOYED FOOTBALL SEASON IS STARTING By RD Reynolds Knoxville, TN – The end of summer has long been viewed by WWE with considerable sadness, as the return of the NFL and the long-standing Monday Night Football inevitably takes a bite out of Raw’s Continue Reading...
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Headlies: NEXT WWE TAG TEAM TO EXPERIENCE UNNECESSARY SPLIT WILL BE DETERMINED BY RANDOM DRAW

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:10
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here NEXT WWE TAG TEAM TO EXPERIENCE UNNECESSARY SPLIT WILL BE DETERMINED BY RANDOM DRAW By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – With four tag teams receiving regular gasps of air time in World Wrestling Entertainment these days (Kofi Kingston/R-Truth, The Prime Time Players, Epico and Primo, and The Usos), many Continue Reading...
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Headlies: AW WENT “TOO FAR” SAYS WWE AMBASSADOR CHARLIE SHEEN

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:09
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here AW WENT “TOO FAR” SAYS WWE AMBASSADOR CHARLIE SHEEN By Justin Henry Los Angeles – Star of television and film Charlie Sheen recently signed on with World Wrestling Entertainment to serve as the company’s “social media ambassador”, and has wasted no time in lauding his new employer for their Continue Reading...
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Headlies: SOMEONE’S HAGGARD, DECREPIT GRANDPA SAYS MEAN THINGS ABOUT EDDIE GUERRERO

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:08
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here SOMEONE’S HAGGARD, DECREPIT GRANDPA SAYS MEAN THINGS ABOUT EDDIE GUERRERO By Justin Henry Ponce Inlet, FL – An elderly, crippled, and mostly useless resident of Lush Meadows Nursing Home has gone on a controversial tangent about deceased professional wrestler Eddie Guerrero. The gentleman, identified only as “Kevin”, has been Continue Reading...
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Headlies: STIFLED CM PUNK TELLS FANS HE WANTS TO START SEEING OTHER FANS

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:07
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here STIFLED CM PUNK TELLS FANS HE WANTS TO START SEEING OTHER FANS By Justin Henry Chicago – WWE Champion CM Punk has undergone many changes over the past year. Since his ascent to the top of World Wrestling Entertainment, in the process becoming WWE Champion for a sustained period Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA’S FORTUNES TURN WITH BOARDROOM SUGGESTION: “HEY, WHAT IF WE PUT ON A GOOD PRODUCT?”

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:06
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here TNA’S FORTUNES TURN WITH BOARDROOM SUGGESTION: “HEY, WHAT IF WE PUT ON A GOOD PRODUCT?” By Justin Henry Orlando, FL – After several years of being almost universally regarded as “a poor man’s WWE” and “a lousy excuse for a wrestling product that borders on aesthetically abusive”, Total Non-Stop Continue Reading...
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Headlies: LISTENER “ALMOST CERTAIN” THAT RD REYNOLDS AND BLADE BRAXTON VOICED OTHER WRESTLECRAP RADIO CHARACTERS

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:04
Text by Justin Henry and RD Reynolds; RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here LISTENER “ALMOST CERTAIN” THAT RD REYNOLDS AND BLADE BRAXTON VOICED OTHER WRESTLECRAP RADIO CHARACTERS By RD Reynolds Indianapolis, IN – With the world in tears as the legendary WrestleCrap Radio posts its final show this weekend, one of the twelve listeners has made a wild accusation, claiming the characters on Continue Reading...
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Headlies: SOON TO BE UNEMPLOYED, DIVORCED MAN STILL LAUGHING ABOUT GOAT FACE COMMENT

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:03
Text by Justin Henry and RD Reynolds; RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here SOON TO BE UNEMPLOYED, DIVORCED MAN STILL LAUGHING ABOUT GOAT FACE COMMENT By Justin Henry Springfield, IL – Todd Haney was a man who seemingly had it all. A good job, a beautiful wife, and the respect and admiration of his neighbors. But all that changed on June 11, as Continue Reading...
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Headlies: DOLPH ZIGGLER TO RELEASE EXERCISE VIDEO CONSISTING OF AWKWARDLY PAINFUL FALLS

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:02
Text by Justin Henry and RD Reynolds; RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here DOLPH ZIGGLER TO RELEASE EXERCISE VIDEO CONSISTING OF AWKWARDLY PAINFUL FALLS By Justin Henry Hollywood, FL – Hoping to become the next crossover star out of World Wrestling Entertainment, upstart Dolph Ziggler is in the process of marketing an exercise video to fans worldwide. The 31-year-old breakout star is very Continue Reading...
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Headlies: POLL: 78% OF AMERICA’S CHILDREN WON’T ALLOW THEIR PARENTS TO WATCH WWE

7 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:01
Text by Justin Henry and RD Reynolds; RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here POLL: 78% OF AMERICA’S CHILDREN WON’T ALLOW THEIR PARENTS TO WATCH WWE By Justin Henry Loudonville, NY – The Siena Research Institute recently conducted a survey of more than 12,000 American children between the ages of 9 and 14, regarding WWE programming, and whether or not they find it safe Continue Reading...
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Headlies: SIR MO AWAITS PHONE CALL FROM TNA, “THRILLED” ABOUT ELEVATION TO KING

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:59
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here SIR MO AWAITS PHONE CALL FROM TNA, “THRILLED” ABOUT ELEVATION TO KING By RD Reynolds Westminster, SC – Dixie Carter and Impact Wrestling stunned the sports entertainment world today by announcing the signing of King Mo, the first-ever Continue Reading...
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Headlies: ERIC BISCHOFF TOUTS TNA’S RATINGS VICTORIES OVER UHF STATION IN IDAHO AS “PROOF OF TNA’S DOMINANCE”

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:58
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here ERIC BISCHOFF TOUTS TNA’S RATINGS VICTORIES OVER UHF STATION IN IDAHO AS “PROOF OF TNA’S DOMINANCE” By Justin Henry Orlando, FL – TNA Impact Wrestling rarely scores a Nielsen rating above 1.2 these days, but that hasn’t Continue Reading...
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Headlies: BROCK LESNAR REDISCOVERED PASSION FOR PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING AFTER GETTING ASS HANDED TO HIM IN LAST UFC FIGHT

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:57
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here BROCK LESNAR REDISCOVERED PASSION FOR PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING AFTER GETTING ASS HANDED TO HIM IN LAST UFC FIGHT By Justin Henry Webster, SD – Shockwaves are still being felt throughout the wrestling business, after Brock Lesnar’s electrifying return Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE TO POSTHUMOUSLY INDUCT MATT HARDY INTO HALL OF FAME

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:56
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here WWE TO POSTHUMOUSLY INDUCT MATT HARDY INTO HALL OF FAME By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – Despite the notion that World Wrestling Entertainment was set having six separate inductions for the 2012 Hall of Fame class, an Continue Reading...
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Headlies: AIR BOOM TO OFFICIALLY DIVORCE, FIGHT FOR CUSTODY OF BREATH-TAKING OFFENSIVE MOVES THAT WILL ONLY GET YOU SO FAR IN WWE

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:54
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here AIR BOOM TO OFFICIALLY DIVORCE, FIGHT FOR CUSTODY OF BREATH-TAKING OFFENSIVE MOVES THAT WILL ONLY GET YOU SO FAR IN WWE By Justin Henry New York, NY – After five months of bliss, followed by two months Continue Reading...
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Headlies: COMPLETELY CONFIDENT, SELF-ASSURED VINCE MCMAHON STIFLES TEARS OF ANGER UPON LEARNING THIS WEEK’S RAW RATING

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:53
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here COMPLETELY CONFIDENT, SELF-ASSURED VINCE MCMAHON STIFLES TEARS OF ANGER UPON LEARNING THIS WEEK’S RAW RATING By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – The February 27, 2012 edition of Monday Night Raw scored a 3.1 Nielsen rating, considered to Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WIFE CONCERNED ABOUT HUSBAND’S OBSESSION WITH SHAWN MICHAELS/TRIPLE H FANFICTION

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:52
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here WIFE CONCERNED ABOUT HUSBAND’S OBSESSION WITH SHAWN MICHAELS/TRIPLE H FANFICTION By RD Reynolds Poughkeepsie, NY – Patti and Frank Newsome have been the epitome of a true American marriage. Together for fifteen years, the two have been Continue Reading...
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Headlies: MOTHER OF CURT HAWKINS DISTRESSED, CAN’T BELIEVE HE’S LETTING HIS CLARINET-PLAYING SKILLS GO TO WASTE

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:49
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here MOTHER OF CURT HAWKINS DISTRESSED, CAN’T BELIEVE HE’S LETTING HIS CLARINET-PLAYING SKILLS GO TO WASTE By Justin Henry Queens, NY – For the mother of WWE wrestler Curt Hawkins, her son’s lack of progress in the largest Continue Reading...
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Headlies: MAN WHO BUYS DOLPH ZIGGLER’S TIGHTS OFF WWE AUCTION SITE “CANNOT FATHOM” INABILITY TO GET LAID

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:48
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here MAN WHO BUYS DOLPH ZIGGLER’S TIGHTS OFF WWE AUCTION SITE “CANNOT FATHOM” INABILITY TO GET LAID By Justin Henry Brigantine, NJ – For 23 year old Damon Belskie, his $1700 purchase of tights worn by a WWE Continue Reading...
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Headlies: JEAN-PIERRE LAFITTE SHOOTS OTHER EYE OUT WITH RED RYDER BB GUN / VINCE MCMAHON ENROLLS DANIEL BRYAN IN JELLY-OF-THE-MONTH CLUB IN LIEU OF BONUS

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:46
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here JEAN-PIERRE LAFITTE SHOOTS OTHER EYE OUT WITH RED RYDER BB GUN By Justin Henry Hohman, IN – Professional wrestler/freelance pirate Jean-Pierre Lafitte had wanted a Red Ryder BB gun his entire life. Despite many Christmases of asking Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE ADDS “FIVE MINUTE TIME LIMIT” TO RAW MATCHES TO “HEIGHTEN DRAMA”

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:45
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here WWE ADDS “FIVE MINUTE TIME LIMIT” TO RAW MATCHES TO “HEIGHTEN DRAMA” By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – To add a sense of drama and tension to the otherwise compact matches on WWE Monday Night Raw, World Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE FORGES SOLIDARITY PACT WITH PENN STATE AND SYRACUSE VICTIMS, FIRES TERRY GARVIN’S CORPSE

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:44
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here WWE FORGES SOLIDARITY PACT WITH PENN STATE AND SYRACUSE VICTIMS, FIRES TERRY GARVIN’S CORPSE By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – In the wake of the sexual abuse scandals that have rocked Penn State University’s football program, as Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE FINDS YOUNG FEMALE AUDIENCE’S INFATUATION WITH HAVING STRONG DIVA ROLE MODELS TO BE “ADORABLE”/ MIDNIGHT ROSE TO MATT HARDY: “SHE WAS MINE BEFORE SHE WAS YOURS!” / CREEPY F—KING WEIRDO HOPES TO PURCHASE KAMALA’S AMPUTATED FOOT, ADD IT TO COLLECTION WITH KERRY VON ERICH’S FOOT PURCHASED AT BLACK MARKET AUCTION

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:42
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here WWE FINDS YOUNG FEMALE AUDIENCE’S INFATUATION WITH HAVING STRONG DIVA ROLE MODELS TO BE “ADORABLE” By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – A spokesman for World Wrestling Entertainment reports that CEO Vince McMahon, among several other higher ups Continue Reading...
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Headlies: CHARLIE HAAS EARNS MONEY AS “TECHNICALLY PRECISE, BUT CHARISMATICALLY BANKRUPT” BIRTHDAY PARTY CLOWN / WWE SUSPENDS TWITTER FOR THIRTY DAYS DUE TO WELLNESS POLICY VIOLATION

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:39
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here CHARLIE HAAS EARNS MONEY AS “TECHNICALLY PRECISE, BUT CHARISMATICALLY BANKRUPT” BIRTHDAY PARTY CLOWN By Justin Henry Edmond, OK – Former WWE superstar and current ROH World Tag Team Champion Charlie Haas is approaching his fortieth birthday. With Continue Reading...
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Headlies: MICHAEL COLE’S HOUSE WILL HAVE PLENTY OF “TRICK OR TWEETERS” THIS YEAR / SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES IN WWE ’12 ASK USER, “ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULDN’T RATHER BE JOHN CENA?”

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:36
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here MICHAEL COLE’S HOUSE WILL HAVE PLENTY OF “TRICK OR TWEETERS” THIS YEAR By Justin Henry Amenia, NY – Children who go trick or treating this year in Michael Cole’s neck of the woods had best be prepared Continue Reading...
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Headlies: HULK HOGAN FINALLY CRUMPLES MOAMMAR GHADDAFI AFTER 26-YEAR SEARCH

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:34
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here HULK HOGAN FINALLY CRUMPLES MOAMMAR GHADDAFI AFTER 26-YEAR SEARCH By Justin Henry Sirte, Libya – There has been much rejoicing throughout Libya, as well as across the globe, after news broke of the assassination of longtime Libyan Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TRIPLE H VS. BROOM MATCH RATED “DUD” BY DAVE MELTZER

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:31
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here TRIPLE H VS. BROOM MATCH RATED “DUD” BY DAVE MELTZER By RD Reynolds San Jose, CA – Former World Wrestling Entertainment Chief Operating Officer Paul “Triple H” Levesque faced arguably his most interesting opponent to date as Continue Reading...
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