San Francisco, CA – Longtime AEW stable The Dark Order marked the beginning of the Revolution pay-per-view by throwing their own tea party. Sporting tri-corner hats and Revolutionary War era-replica clothing, the group tossed bags of Lipton tea into San Francisco Bay.
The act of rebellion by the Dark Order was done in direct response to Evil Uno’s bloody loss to Blackpool Combat Club’s Jon Moxley. Despite no longer featuring any members from Blackpool or England, The Dark Order took their revenge out on the entire country in the most patriotic way possible.
“Four score and seven days ago,” said Evil Uno, accompanied by a flutist playing ‘Yankee Doodle’. “We hold these truths to be self-evident that we have nothing to fear, but fear itself! This aggression will not stand, Blackpool Combat Club! We are throwing a tea party to show that the Dark Order will not be pushed around and also because we’re not booked!”
“Take that, King Charles!” shouted Josh Silver as he tossed several Thomas’ English Muffins into the water. Seagulls swarmed the soggy breakfasts treats, squawking in approval. Alex Reynolds dropped an elbow on a can of Spotted Dick. Even former members Stu Grayson and Preston got in on the act, stomping on S Club 7 cds.
“There ain’t no party like a Dark Order party!” cheered Grayson defiantly.
“Join Dark Order and see a real revolution!” declared Evil Uno to a group of confused tourists passing by.
Unfortunately, the festivities were cut short.
“The British are coming! The British are coming!” shouted Brodie Lee Jr, forcing the group to scatter.
“Huh, what was all that about?” said Mark Davis of Aussie Open.
“I dunno,” shrugged his partner, Kyle Fletcher.
The Dark Order plan to regroup after Revolution when AEW comes to Lexington and Concord next month.