Oklahoma City, OK – During a backstage segment with Renee Young, the supposed “voices” inside WWE Champion Randy Orton’s head were actually revealed to be a little green alien named Gazoo. In the middle of one of his patented slow-motion promos, Randy Orton paused for a long time. While not atypical for a speech given by the Apex Predator, the Continue Reading...
Category Archives: Headlies
The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.
Headlies: Vince And Linda McMahon Go Black Friday Shopping
8 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Fri, 29 November 2013, 08:00White Plains, NY – At 4:45am on Friday morning, a stretch limo with the license plate “V1NNY MAC” pulled up to the White Plains Walmart. WWE Chairman Vince McMahon emerged from the limo into the chilly morning air with his wife, former 2-time Republican candidate for U.S. Senate, Linda. “I don’t understand why we’re here,” grumbled a cranky Vince. “We Continue Reading...
Headlies: TNA Builds On The Success Of The Wheel Of Dixie, Deploys More Carnival Games
13 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Fri, 22 November 2013, 08:00Orlando, FL – Spurred by success of the Wheel of Dixie, TNA has decided to use more traditional carnival games during episodes of Impact. During a press conference at Universal Studio’s Soundstage 10 Annex Room B, TNA President Dixie Carter explained the company’s amusement game expansion. “Whether it’s used to decide what kind of tournament match Samoa Joe will have Continue Reading...
Headlies: Corporate Kane’s First Day At The Office
17 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Fri, 15 November 2013, 08:00Stamford, CT – Corporate Kane spent the first day as WWE’s new Director of Operations getting acclimated to working in the corporate world of professional wrestling. Formerly known as The Big Red Monster, Kane woke at 6:30am to prepare for his first day at Titan Towers. After a quick shower and shave, Kane put on his freshly-pressed Jos A. Bank Continue Reading...
Headlies: Low Attendance Reported For Vader’s “White Castle Of Fear” Halloween Party
11 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Fri, 08 November 2013, 08:00Somewhere in the Rocky Mountains, CO – Last week, former WCW and WWE star Big Van Vader hosted his annual Halloween party at his White Castle of Fear. Unfortunately, the turnout was much lower than he had expected. “I don’t understand it,” barked Vader. “I must’ve sent out like a hundred of these invitations and there’s only a handful of Continue Reading...
Headlies: WWE Very Interested In Signing Backyard Wrestler
20 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Fri, 01 November 2013, 08:00Wilmington, DE- Backyard wrestler and current Xtreme Backyard Wrestling Alliance World Champion Mike Stab was shocked to learn that the WWE wanted to offer him a contract. Following his “Barbed-Wire, Fireworks, and Dog Doo” match with Slash Hackenschmidt, “The Master Of Darkness” Damian Devil, and Mark Boner at the XBWA’s 1st annual “Murda N’ Mayhem” Tournament, Stab relaxed behind the Continue Reading...
Headlies: TNA Finds A New Permanent Home
19 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Fri, 25 October 2013, 08:00Littleton, WV – During an impromptu press conference, TNA Impact Wrestling president Dixie Carter announced that she has signed a new deal procuring a venue to house the wrestling promotion for the next three years. “We loved the Impact Zone in Tampa, but it was just time to go,” said Carter. “Universal Studios really helped us out, whether it was Continue Reading...
Headlies: Fan Desperately Trying To Start “We Want Aksana” Chant
12 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Fri, 18 October 2013, 08:00Kansas City, MO – At this week’s Smackdown and Main Event taping, WWE fan David Bach tried and failed to start a “We Want Aksana” chant. Holding a fluorescent pink sign with a picture of Aksana that he printed off of his desktop, the 29 year-old summoned all of his strength to will the crowd into shouting out their desire Continue Reading...
Tampa, FL – Following the firing of The Big Show, WWE has signed former WCW Heavyweight Champion and nWo member The Giant. Stephanie McMahon introduced the late 90′s star at a press conference near his home in Tampa. “After we got rid of that dead weight Big Show, the WWE was in desperate for a big man,” said Stephanie McMahon. Continue Reading...
Headlies: Ric Flair Hires “World’s Cheapest Man” As His New Financial Advisor
9 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Wed, 09 October 2013, 08:00Charlotte, NC – WWE Hall of Famer Ric Flair has announced the hiring of Roy Haynes, commonly known as the “Cheapest Man In America”, as his new financial advisor. A multi-time champion in various wrestling companies, Flair has undergone various legal and financial troubles in recent years, putting a strain on his bottom line. “Between the divorces, the silk robes, Continue Reading...