Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: WWE Covers Seth Rollins In Bubble Wrap For His Own Protection

3 Submitted by on Mon, 26 June 2017, 08:00
Los Angeles, CA – WWE officials have taken the proactive measure of wrapping WWE Superstar Seth Rollins in protective bubble wrap before every match. The controversial decision was made after Rollins had to receive stitches on his face after last night’s Monday Night Raw. “It’s for his own safety as well as the financial safety of the company,” said Triple Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Vince McMahon Reveals Details Of WWE Theme Park

6 Submitted by on Mon, 12 June 2017, 08:00
Orlando, FL – At a press conference, WWE CEO Vince McMahon revealed details for the company’s plans to open their very own them park. Flanked by daughter Stephanie, son Shane, son-in-law Triple H, and the mayor of Orlando, McMahon laid out his vision for the historic theme park. “It is the number one priority of the WWE to entertain the WWE Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: “Bayley: This Is Your Life” Segment Declared A Crime Scene

17 Submitted by on Mon, 05 June 2017, 08:00
Greenville, SC – The Greenville Sherriff’s office has declared the “Bayley: This Is Your Life” segment from last week’s Monday night Raw a crime scene. The segment, in which WWE Superstar Alexa Bliss mocked Bayley, was universally panned by both the live audience and fans at home. As WWE’s crew was breaking down the ring, Sherriff Marvin Talty arrived with Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: “Rambo” Greg Gagne Tries To Get Military Discounts On Memorial Day

5 Submitted by on Mon, 29 May 2017, 08:00
Minneapolis, MN – Former AWA star Greg Gagne spent most of his Memorial Day trying to use his former status as a wrestling soldier to score discounts and good deals on products. Gagne, the son of wrestling legend Verne Gagne, donned his old combat fatigues and traveled from local business to local business. Gagne received 5% off new tires, a Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Jinder Mahal’s Veins Set To Become 2017’s Breakout Star

2 Submitted by on Mon, 22 May 2017, 08:00
Chicago, IL – After last night’s championship match between Randy Orton and Jinder Mahal at Backlash, WWE officials believe that Mahal’s bulging veins are fast on their way to becoming the biggest star in a company. At a closed-door meeting before Monday Night Raw, Vince McMahon and other top WWE officials gathered to talk about how best to push their Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Marilyn Manson Buys XPW

4 Submitted by on Mon, 15 May 2017, 08:00
Hollywood, CA – Hot off the heels of Smashing Pumpkins leader Billy Corgan buying the NWA, shock-rocker Marilyn Manson has announced that he has bought the rights to Xtreme Pro Wrestling. Founded in 1999, XPW was best known for its hardcore matches and outlandish characters. Details are still forthcoming, but it is believed that Manson spent tens of dollars to Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Vince McMahon Goes Through His Record Collection To Come Up With More PPV Names

18 Submitted by on Mon, 08 May 2017, 08:00
Greenwich, CT – On a lazy Sunday afternoon, WWE CEO Vince McMahon took out his old record collection to come up with more names that would work well for pay-per-views in the vein similar to the upcoming “Great Balls Of Fire” event. McMahon, wearing his most comfortable pair of ICOPRO sweatpants and a faded and stained Starland Vocal Band t-shirt, laid Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Erick Rowan Cleans Up The House Of Horrors

1 Submitted by on Mon, 01 May 2017, 08:00
San Jose, CA – Following the brutal main event match at Payback between Randy Orton and Bray Wyatt, Wyatt family member Erick has taken it upon himself to clean up Bray Wyatt’s House of Horrors. Donning a bandanna to keep sweat out of his eyes and a maid outfit to keep his filthy jumpsuit clean, Rowan removed a bucket filled Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: The Blacktop Bully Teaches JBL How To “Be A Star”

9 Submitted by on Mon, 17 April 2017, 08:00
Sweetwater, TX – Over the weekend, WWE commentator and former wrestler John “Bradshaw” Leyfield received a special lesson on how to “Be A STAR”. JBL, who has come under fire recently due to accusations of bullying, awoke to the sounds of a tractor trailer horn blasting in his driveway. “What in tarnation is going on?” shouted JBL from his window. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Glenn Jacobs and Rick Titan to Portray Broken Matt and Brother Nero

3 Submitted by on Mon, 10 April 2017, 08:00
(This Headlie was written by Crapper Ator. Thanks, Ator!) Orlando, FL-  Jeff Jarrett has stunned the wrestling world with a bombshell announcement. At the most recent round of tapings for the next eight months of Impact! Wrestling programming he took to the ring to make this proclamation: “I know there has been very public discourse between Impact! Ventures and a Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: John Cena Changes Mind, Proposes To Matt Hardy Instead

7 Submitted by on Mon, 03 April 2017, 14:00
Orlando, FL – Following the explosive events of Wrestlemania 33, WWE Superstar John Cena made a shocking marriage proposal to none other than Matt Hardy. At the conclusion of their match against The Miz and Maryse, Cena proposed to his longtime significant other Nikki Bella. As the couple walked back up the entrance ramp, the Hardy Boyz theme music began to play. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Wrestlemania 33 Breaks Guinness World Record For Most Naps At A Sporting Event

12 Submitted by on Mon, 03 April 2017, 08:00
Orlando, FL – Officials with the Guinness World Records have announced that the crowd at Wrestlemania 33 set a world record for the most amount of naps had at a public sporting event. Global President of Guinness World Records Alistair Richards made the announcement before Monday Night Raw. “I hereby present the WWE with this commemorative plaque, a honey-glazed ham, Continue Reading...
Read more

HEADLIES: Ric Flair Honored with Bronze Statue of Someone Else at WWE Axxess

7 Submitted by on Thu, 30 March 2017, 22:34
Orlando, FL – WWE Hall-of-Famer and wrestling legend Ric Flair was commemorated Thursday evening with a bronze statue, the latest Hall of Famer to receive the honor.  The ceremony was held during the opening festivities of WrestleMania Axxess. Flair was surrounded by friends and family alike when the statue was unveiled. As, the “Nature Boy” visibly broke down while looking at Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Triple H Takes A Group Of Fans To Dave & Busters To Show Them He’s Still Cool

7 Submitted by on Mon, 27 March 2017, 08:00
Philadelphia, PA – Following the conclusion of Monday Night Raw, WWE COO Triple H took out a large group of fans to show them that he is still cool. “We were hanging outside one of the exits hoping to get some autographs and like an RKO, Triple H came outta nowhere and started talking to us,” said ice cream sandwich Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Hornswoggle, Sheamus Themes Sales Skyrocket On St. Patrick’s Day

4 Submitted by on Mon, 20 March 2017, 08:00
Boston, MA – Sales of several WWE wrestler themes saw significant increases on St. Patrick’s Day. Both Hornswoggle and Sheamus’s theme songs reached number one and two, respectively, on iTunes’ Songs chart. “We always see a boost in sales around various holidays, but this St. Patrick’s Day was far and away our best holiday ever, sales-wise,” said Senior Vice President Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Remember To Change Your Clocks To Vader Time

8 Submitted by on Mon, 13 March 2017, 08:00
Colorado Springs, CO – Government officials are once again reminding US citizens to remember to change their clocks to Vader Time. The change in time, which takes place at 3:00am on Sunday, March 12th, was put into effect as a means of “Making America Vader Again.” “All you lily-livered sissies better get with the program!” said official Vader Time spokesman Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Firebreaker Chip Issues Open Challenge To Randy Orton

11 Submitted by on Mon, 06 March 2017, 08:00
WCW Special Forces – Former WCW star Firebreaker Chip issued an open challenge to WWE Superstar Randy Orton following Orton’s burning down of Bray Wyatt’s compound. “Mr. Orton has shown a complete disregard for fire safety,” said Chip. “We try to teach these kids from a young age that playing with matches is dangerous. Sure, the audience might cheer for Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: WWE Creative Members Take Part In Battle Royale To Determine Wrestlemania Storylines

8 Submitted by on Mon, 27 February 2017, 08:00
Stanford, CT – WWE now has a clear picture of what the main storyline into Wrestlemania thanks to an impromptu battle royale among the writing staff. The violent melee took place following the Raw writing crew’s weekly meeting. After rapping up the plans for this evening’s Monday Night Raw, WWE CEO Vince McMahon addressed his writers. “Now is the time for Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Kevin Owens Tries To Win Back Chris Jericho

6 Submitted by on Mon, 20 February 2017, 08:00
Tampa, FL – WWE Universal Champion Kevin Owens made a very public apology to his former partner Chris Jericho yesterday morning outside of Jericho’s home. Armed with a boom box, Owens stood next to his car and blasted Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” to get Jericho’s attention. “Go away, Kevin!” shouted Jericho while peeking out of his curtains. “Chris, I’m Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Elimination Chamber Converted Into School Playground

5 Submitted by on Mon, 13 February 2017, 08:00
Mesa, AZ – Following the events of last night’s events, WWE has decided to donate and convert the elimination chamber into a playground for needy children. WWE’s ring crew quickly broke down the Elimination Chamber and loaded it piece by piece into their trucks, making the short drive from Phoenix to Mesa to deliver it. “Eh, we barely use the Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: WWE Sells Roman Reigns Valentine’s Day Cards

6 Submitted by on Fri, 10 February 2017, 08:00
Pensacola, FL – In honor of Valentine’s Day, WWE has released a series of Roman Reigns-themed Valentine’s Day cards. “When I think of love, I think of Roman Reigns,” said WWE CEO Vince McMahon. “He’s just so strong and handsome. I mean look at those eyes! That smile! That long luxurious hair that can barely be tamed! Those huge, bulging Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Samoa Joe Revealed To Be Sting In Disguise

11 Submitted by on Mon, 06 February 2017, 08:00
Portland, OR – In what can only be described as the most shocking twist of the modern wrestling era, Samoa Joe was revealed to be none other than WCW legend Sting. The major revelation came during a passionate in-ring promo by Triple H with Samoa Joe at his side. “Tonight, I stand before you with the dominant Samoa Joe by Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Vince McMahon Deeply Impressed With Roman Reigns’s Royal Rumble Elimination

5 Submitted by on Mon, 30 January 2017, 08:00
San Antonio, TX – While most of the wrestling world was talking about Randy Orton’s surprise win at the Royal Rumble, WWE CEO Vince McMahon was focusing on the incredible way that Roman Reigns took his elimination. “Highlight of the entire night,” said McMahon while talking about an event that included appearances from The Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, Goldberg, and Tye Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Triple H’s Sledgehammer To Be Inducted Into The WWE Hall Of Fame

10 Submitted by on Mon, 16 January 2017, 08:00
Greenwich, CT – On tonight’s edition of Monday Night Raw, the WWE will announce that the first induction for this year’s Hall Of Fame ceremony will be none other than Triple H’s Sledgehammer. The sledgehammer, a long-time ally of the former world champion and current COO of WWE, has been a member of the WWE roster for over 15 years. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Alberto Del Rio Beats Up Ninja Turtle At Child’s Birthday Party

11 Submitted by on Mon, 09 January 2017, 08:00
Las Cruces, NM – Former WWE Superstar Alberto Del Rio is once again in trouble with the law after assaulting another person in a Ninja Turtles costume. Las Cruces Sheriff Benjamin Munoz described the scene, saying “It’s just awful. I can’t recall ever seeing such a random and senseless act of violence. There were foam sais, nunchucks, and bos everywhere.” Continue Reading...
Read more
Page 1 of 1312345...10...Last »