Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: Man Goes Bankrupt After Betting on Wrestlemania

14 Submitted by on Fri, 11 April 2014, 08:00
Silicon Valley, CA – Garret Dorsey, a 33 year-old app developer, officially declared bankruptcy following a series of poorly-made bets on the outcome of Wrestlemania matches. Dorsey, an avid wrestling fan and wearer of fedoras, had placed several high-wager bets through various gambling websites, each one a loser. After declaring bankruptcy, the bank foreclosed on Dorsey’s house and several companies Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Diehard Fans Excited To Ruin Wrestlemania

8 Submitted by on Sun, 06 April 2014, 13:00
New Orleans, LA – Members of the Facebook group “Yes! Yes! Yes!” are excited to be attending Wrestlemania XXX and even more excited to be ruining it for everyone else. The group of self-professed “smarks”, which boasts members spanning the entire United States, have been planning the event for months through phone calls, Google Hangouts, and Tout videos. Having collectively Continue Reading...
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Headlies: JTG Hoping He’s Not Picked For The Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

10 Submitted by on Fri, 04 April 2014, 08:00
Stamford, CT – WWE held a meeting with all mid and lower-card Superstars to determine who would be entering the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal at Wrestlemania XXX this Sunday. Corporate Kane led the meeting stating, “I know in previous years that battle royals and drafts have been held with some fanfare, but unfortunately, it’s just not in the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Val Venis Ready For Wrestlemania XXX

10 Submitted by on Fri, 28 March 2014, 08:00
Wichita Falls, TX – Former WWE Superstar Val Venis has been traveling from Los Angeles to New Orleans under the assumption that he will be taking part in Wrestlemania XXX. “The Big Valbolski is locked, cocked, and ready to rock all the fine females in New Orleans,” said Venis as he hitchhiked to New Orleans down Route 82 in nothing Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Stars Travel Around In A Van Solving Mysteries To Promote New Scooby Doo DVD

11 Submitted by on Fri, 21 March 2014, 08:00
Salem, MA – To help promote this next week’s release of the Scooby-Doo!: Wrestlemania Mystery DVD, Vince McMahon has sent several WWE wrestlers around the country to solve various mysteries. The group of amateur sleuths consist of sparingly-used Superstars Justin Gabriel and Curt Hawkins and Divas Eva Marie and Layla. They have been traveling to various haunted spots in a Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA Debuts “Good News Gunner”

14 Submitted by on Fri, 14 March 2014, 08:00
Orlando, FL – At the most recent taping of Impact, TNA debuted the newly repackaged version of Gunner in grand fashion. Following a backstage skit involving ODB grabbing her unmentionables for some reason, the TNA crew came out onto the ramp and set up a small milk crate and a microphone stand. Katrina & The Waves “Walking On Sunshine” blared Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Last Of The “Green Mist” Factories To Close

14 Submitted by on Fri, 07 March 2014, 08:00
Sakai, Osaka Prefecture, Japan – Abunai! Industries, famous for producing the dreaded “Green Mist”, prepared to close their factory doors for the final time this week, effectively ending an era in Japanese wrestling. The “Green Mist” was a common illegal maneuver used in wrestling where one wrestler would spit the poison directly into the eyes of their opponent, leaving them Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fans Hold Candlelight Vigil For CM Punk

7 Submitted by on Mon, 03 March 2014, 19:00
Chicago, IL – Hundreds of wrestling fans gathered outside the AllState Arena early this afternoon, holding a candlelight vigil for the missing CM Punk. The gathering was led by Punk’s best friend, independent wrestler and aspiring comedian Colt Cabana. “It’s so great to see so many of you here to support my friend, CM Punk, who has been off of Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fan Cancels Network Subscription After Learning “1 Night In China” Not Available

8 Submitted by on Fri, 28 February 2014, 08:00
Oshkosh, WI – 24 year-old wrestling fan Danny Burnett has decided to cancel his subscription to the WWE Network after discovering that the streaming website would not be providing “1 Night in China”. The amateur pornographic film stars former WWE stars Joanie Laurer aka Chyna and Sean Waltman aka X-Pac aka 1-2-3 Kid aka Syxx aka Syxx-Pac aka The Lightning Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA Launches The TNA Network

14 Submitted by on Fri, 21 February 2014, 08:00
Huntingdon, WV – During the intermission of a house show on the West Virgina/Kentucky border, TNA President Dixie Carter revealed that the company would be launching their own network next Monday night. “Howdy, ya’ll!” said Carter to the half-full high school gymnasium. “We here at TNA are proud to announce the launching of the brand new TNA Network!” Carter then Continue Reading...
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