Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: Meet Wrestling Superstar CM Punk

5 Submitted by on Fri, 02 January 2015, 08:00
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Ames, IA – Current UFC fighter CM Punk made his first public appearance this weekend at the Legends of Pro Wrestling Fan Fest this past week in Ames, Iowa. The former WWE World Heavyweight Champion arrived early to Conference Room A of the Radisson Hotel, with two boxes of t-shirts, a folder of glossy 8×0 photos, advance copies of his Continue Reading...
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Headlies: A Very Ryback Christmas

6 Submitted by on Fri, 26 December 2014, 08:00
Larry Evans as Santa Claus
Las Vegas, NV – WWE Superstar Ryback celebrated Christmas this year with a night out on the town in his home city of Las Vegas, Nevada. The Big Guy, as he is affectionately known by everyone who isn’t CM Punk, began his night with a light lunch at Bacchanal Buffet. With his custom-made feedbag in hand, Ryback walked down the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fans Already Sick Of Kevin Owens

9 Submitted by on Fri, 19 December 2014, 08:00
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Winter Park, FL – NXT’s newest Superstar Kevin Owens has already overstayed his welcome according to multiple disgruntled wrestling fans. Despite several rave reviews of Owens debut at Revolution, the audience has already expressed their displeasure with the independent wrestling sensation formerly known as Kevin Steen. “I had heard a lot about him and now I never want to hear Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA Begins Cross-Promotion With Destination America Shows

2 Submitted by on Fri, 12 December 2014, 08:00
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Silver Spring, MD – Following the news that TNA will be airing on Destination America, several stars under the Discovery Communications umbrella will be appearing on each other’s shows. “We are absolutely thrilled to have TNA Wrestling join the Discovery family,” said President and CEO David Zaslav. “TNA will fit in well with other Destination America shows like ‘Amish Haunting’ Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Dolph Ziggler To Take On A Ladder At TLC

12 Submitted by on Fri, 05 December 2014, 08:00
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Austin, TX – On this week’s edition of Smackdown, WWE COO Triple H announced that Dolph Ziggler will be facing a ladder at the TLC pay per view on December 16th. Despite losing power at Survivor Series,Triple H was in the ring addressing the crowd for the first 20 minutes of Smackdown, when the restless crowd began to cheer Ziggler’s Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Member of Insane Clown Posse Interrupts Survivor Series

5 Submitted by on Fri, 28 November 2014, 08:00
St. Louis, MO – The WWE Universe was shocked during the main event of Survivor Series when a member of the Detroit rap group Insane Clown Posse came to the ring and fought company COO Triple H. ICP has a long history in professional wrestling, appearing in WWE, WCW, and ECW, as well as creating their own federation, Juggalo Championship Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Rusev Wins Canadian Heavyweight Championship

13 Submitted by on Fri, 21 November 2014, 08:00
Calgary, Alberta, Canada – In an impromptu match, current WWE United States Champion Rusev defeated Lance Storm for the Canadian Heavyweight Championship. Storm, a former WCW and WWE Champion, was conducting his weekly appearance on Wrestling Observer Live when he heard a pounding on his front door. The burly Rusev burst through the door, attacking the semi-retired Storm. “What’s this Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Summer Rae Replaced By A Cyborg, Change Goes Unnoticed

7 Submitted by on Fri, 14 November 2014, 08:00
Roanoke, VA – WWE Diva and co-star of The Marine 4 Summer Rae was recently replaced with a cyborg for the future. Despite the incredible turn of events, both WWE officials and performers did not notice the switch had occurred. “Lifeless glowing eyes. No emotion. Icy cold hands. Yup, same old Summer,” said her Total Divas co-star Natalya. “I love Continue Reading...
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Headlies: John Cena Picks His Team For Survivor Series

23 Submitted by on Fri, 07 November 2014, 08:00
Buffalo, NY – In a much anticipated event, WWE Superstar revealed his team for the upcoming Survivor Series against The Authority. To the shock of the WWE Universe, John Cena chose 4 clones of himself to form Team Cena. Many speculated that Cena would choose up-and-coming Superstars such as Dolph Ziggler or Big E Langston, but Cena felt there was Continue Reading...
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Headlies: It’s The Great Pumpkin, Dixie Carter!

4 Submitted by on Fri, 31 October 2014, 08:00
Bethlehem, PA – A cool autumn breeze whipped through TNA president Dixie Carter’s hair as she made her way through the Bethlehem Pumpkin Patch. Carter was planning to spend her entire Halloween evening in the pumpkin patch to meet The Great Pumpkin. TNA had recently wrapped up a long string of television tapings in the area, but Carter stayed in Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fan Hospitalized After Trying To Be A “Rosebud”

10 Submitted by on Fri, 24 October 2014, 08:00
Cheyenne, WY – 19 year-old wrestling fan Mackenzie Dobbs was rushed to Cheyenne Regional Medical Center Tuesday night after what she claimed was her attempt to “be a Rosebud”. Dobbs was apparently trying to join WWE Superstar Adam Rose’s fan group collectively known as “rosebuds”. According to a post of social media, Dobbs declared her intentions following this week’s edition Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Dixie Carter Forgets To Watch Bound For Glory

7 Submitted by on Fri, 17 October 2014, 08:00
Dallas, TX – TNA President Dixie Carter spent her entire Sunday with a nagging feeling that she was missing something. Unbeknownst to her, Carter had forgotten to watch or DVR Bound For Glory, her promotions biggest pay-per-view event of the year. The event, typically referred to at TNA’s Wrestlemania or the company’s Super Bowl, took place at the Korakuen Hall Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Rock Returns, Immediately Fails Wellness Test

6 Submitted by on Fri, 10 October 2014, 08:00
Brooklyn, NY – On Monday night, former WWE champion and Hollywood star The Rock returned to WWE television only to fail a Wellness test immediately after his appearance. The Rock, who hasn’t been seen on WWE television in months, was greeted with a large ovation from the Brooklyn crowd. After verbally dismantling Rusev, The Rock soaked up the adoration of Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Raw Extended to 5 Hours, Bryan Alvarez Institutionalized

10 Submitted by on Fri, 03 October 2014, 08:00
Bothell, WA – In a press conference, WWE CEO Vince McMahon made the surprise announcement that his company’s flagship show Monday Night Raw would be adding two extra hours. The extension will now see the program running from 8:00 PM EST to 1:00 AM EST. “This is a very exciting time,” said McMahon with a twinkle in his eye. “We’re Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Kevin Steen Repackaged As “Pierre Poutine”

3 Submitted by on Fri, 26 September 2014, 08:00
Montreal, Quebec – In what has become an increasing tradition for popular independent wrestlers who go to NXT, Kevin Steen’s character has been repackaged as proud French-Canadian “Pierre Poutine” Steen, who first made a name for himself in independent promotions such as Pro Wrestling Guerilla, CZW, and Ring of Honor, originally hails from Quebec, something WWE officials quickly latched on Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Tommy Wiseau Hired As New WWE Head Writer

6 Submitted by on Fri, 19 September 2014, 08:00
San Francisco, CA – In a surprising move, WWE has fired their head writers for both Raw and Smackdown and replaced them with enigmatic cult movie director Tommy Wiseau. Wiseau, best known as the writer, director, producer and lead actor in the 2003 movie The Room, was introduced to the company yesterday afternoon. “Tommy will be a natural fit here Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Bellas Receive Acting Lessons From The Miz’s Dad

6 Submitted by on Fri, 12 September 2014, 08:00
Baltimore, MD – The family feud between Brie and Nikki Bella has become a large part of WWE’s programming, but many backstage are not pleased with the Bellas’ performance. “To say that I am less than happy with the Bellas is an understatement,” said Stephanie McMahon. “I’m asking for white-hot rage they’re giving me a hissy fit. I expect a Continue Reading...
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Headlies: John Morrison’s Missing Charisma Found In WWE Warehouse

9 Submitted by on Fri, 29 August 2014, 08:00
Greenwich, CT – During a routine inventory check of past WWE memorabilia, WWE Archivist Ben Brown discovered former WWE Superstar John Morrison’s missing charisma. “It was just like any other day in the warehouse,” said Brown. “I had just finished cataloging Saba Simba’s headresses and spears and was about to move on to the urinal that Tommy Dreamer once drank Continue Reading...
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Headlies: John Cena Now Fluent In German After SummerSlam

13 Submitted by on Fri, 22 August 2014, 08:00
Los Angeles, CA – Following his brutal Summerslam match against Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, WWE Superstar John Cena can now speak fluent German. Cena, suffering from what doctors call “Foreign Language Syndrome” has only been able to communicate via the German language, despite never speaking it previously. “Mr. Cena suffered a large amount of pain during Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Eva Marie To Take On A Paddle Ball At Summerslam

8 Submitted by on Fri, 15 August 2014, 08:00
San Jose, CA – WWE officials have added another match to the already stacked Summerslam card with WWE Diva Eva Marie versus a paddle ball. The blood feud began during filming for the upcoming season of Total Divas. The trouble brewing between Eva Marie and the paddle ball stems from a misunderstanding between the two over Fandango. Eva Marie has Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA Signs The Ding Dongs To Multi-Year Contract

15 Submitted by on Fri, 08 August 2014, 08:00
Belleville, USA – TNA Impact Wrestling announced this past Thursday that they have signed WCW tag team legends The Ding Dongs to a multi-year contract. Despite the announcement that Spike TV will not be renewing their television deal, TNA has been forging ahead signing several wrestlers, including Zema Ion and Army veteran Chris Melendez. “TNA needs a real wake-up call. Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Stephanie McMahon Participates In “Scared Straight” Program

5 Submitted by on Fri, 01 August 2014, 08:00
Miami, FL – WWE Chief Brand Officer Stephanie McMahon met with a group of at-risk girls at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center for the state’s “Scared Straight” program. McMahon, who was recently arrested for striking former WWE Diva Brie Bella, discussed prison life to the girls in a frank and blunt manner. “I don’t care who you are or Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Bray Wyatt Promo Only Heard By Dogs

2 Submitted by on Fri, 25 July 2014, 08:00
Miami, FL – Following his loss to Chris Jericho at Battleground, Bray Wyatt directly addressed the crowd during Monday Night Raw. Unfortunately, Wyatt’s voice was so quiet that only dogs were able to hear it. Wyatt, famous for his unique promo style, tries to draw viewers in with by speaking softly and using a varied vocabulary. In recent weeks, his promos have Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Jim Cornette Slaps Santino For Breaking Character During Retirement Speech

10 Submitted by on Fri, 18 July 2014, 08:00
Louisville, KY – During a live event at Freedom Hall in Louisville, WWE Superstar and former Intercontinental Champion Santino Marella announced his retirement to the local crowd. Forgoing his usual Italian accent and comedic walk, Marella addressed the crowd in a serious manner, mentioning his various neck injuries. The heartfelt speech was interrupted by former WWE, NWA, TNA, ROH, and Continue Reading...
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Headlies: CM Punk Drops Surprise ‘Pipe Bomb’ During Money In The Bank

7 Submitted by on Fri, 11 July 2014, 08:00
Rosemont, IL – To the surprise of the wrestling world, CM Punk made an unexpected appearance two weeks ago, dropping a “pipe bomb” promo during the Money In The Bank pay-per-view special event. Punk, who abruptly left the WWE in January, was greeted by deafening chants of “CM Punk” by the crowd as he sat and looked straight ahead. He Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Ric Flair recognized as 21-time world champion

6 Submitted by on Wed, 09 July 2014, 21:57
Ever since John Cena began his 15th world title reign after winning the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at June 29th’s Money in the Bank pay-per-view, the wrestling world has been abuzz with speculation that The Champ will surpass Ric Flair’s record in short order. Fortunately, traditionalists have no reason to fear Cena breaking Flair’s long-standing record of 16 world title Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Mojo Rawley Celebrates The Fourth of July

3 Submitted by on Fri, 04 July 2014, 08:00
Alexandria, VA – Current NXT Superstar Mojo Rawley celebrated the 4th of July in his typical “hyped” fashion. Rawley awoke at dawn and immediately said both the Pledge of Allegiance and the Star-Spangled Banner while staring unblinkingly at himself in the mirror. Satisfied, Rawley had his usual breakfast of orange juice, Jolt Cola, 5-Hour Energy, raw coffee beans, 2 cinnamon Continue Reading...
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