Stamford, CT – WWE, along with their beloved advertisers, announced the firings of several wrestlers just days after Wrestlemania.
WWE and TKO officials held a press conference Friday afternoon to reveal the releases. Joining the executives were several companies that paid the company to be included. Salted meat stick purveyors Slim Jim and overly caffeinated drink slingers Prime Hydration received top billing, even over the company and the wrestlers.
“This is never an easy thing to do, but with our good friends Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Wayfair, One Reverse Mortgage, Ronco Showtime Rotisserie, and Grandma Hugwell’s Homemade Poisons, we’re going to get through it,” said Nick Khan.
Flanked by Triple H wearing a suit covered in Netflix logos and a dancing Snickers bar, the WWE president solemnly read the names of recently released Superstars.
“Kairi Sane. Aleister Black. Zoey Stark. Uncle Howdy,” said Khan before a commercial for Riyahd’s Tourism Board interrupted. Khan finished the press conference by thanking all of the companies for making this the most successful terminations ever.
WWE encouraged fans to sign up for the ESPN Unlimited app to see all the unceremonious firings of their favorite Superstars.