Stamford, CT – In a shocking move, TKO Holdings Group has released former WWE head Vince McMahon.
TKO, the new media conglomerate started by Endeavor Group, officially took over WWE last week. As expected, the company has already begun laying off several WWE officials. While many anticipated some executives would be let go, few believed that would include Vince McMahon.
McMahon knew something was wrong when he arrived at Titan Towers earlier this morning. The 78 year-old struggled for several minutes trying to get into the building as his access card had been deactivated. Eventually, a janitor let him in so he could get a light 3-hour workout in. After a shower and several protein shakes, McMahon arrived at the top floor.
Walking through the cubicles and offices, a low murmur began to rise from workers smartened up to the dismissal. As McMahon approached his office, he was alarmed to see several TKO officials packing up his office.
“What the hell is going on?” barked McMahon. “Hey! Hey you! Put the dinosaur skull down! That’s expensive!”
HR quickly escorted McMahon away from the movers and into a conference room with new CEO Ari Emanuel. Emanuel quickly cut to the chase.
“Vince, the company is moving forward. We aim to turn the WWE Universe into the TKO Galaxy. To do that, we’re going to have to let you go.”
“So that’s it. After 40 years, so long, good luck?” asked a frustrated Vince McMahon.
“I don’t recall saying good luck,” said Emanuel flatly.
As McMahon exited the office, he was handed a box full of his belongings. He gazed out into the parking lot, looking for his town car. Unfortunately, it had already been towed and crushed into a cube, so he was forced to wait for the bus.
“You haven’t seen the last of Vince McMahon,” vowed McMahon from the back of the bus.
“Or Kevin Dunn!” chirped the WWE producer from inside McMahon’s box.