When we last left Miss Elizabeth: Pro Wrestler…
…she looked to have nearly broken her back on the stage after escaping from a mud pit with Lex Luger. This took place in a mud match against Rhonda Singh, one Singh won by pinning Ron Harris who was not in the match. Nor was Luger. Luckily for Liz, this would be the last match she would be in for the next six months…which is pretty much where the ‘good news’ ends for this poor woman.
We now jump ahead to May of 2000, and Liz is still earning a paycheck from WCW for doing, well, next to nothing. Our old pal Vince Russo is done with such nonsense! Yes, I know I just put the words “Vince Russo” and “done with” and “nonsense” in the same sentence. He tells Liz that she has a lucrative contract and she needs to live up to that…by wrestling the first match of her life.
The first match of her life DESPITE the fact that I have already covered two matches in WCW where she was billed to be competing! I’d say ‘don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story’, but there’s at least two inaccuracies in that sentence as well. Oh, and if she wins, she gets out of whatever contract Russo has with her. Finally, take a look at Liz’s face there – you’re going to see a LOT of the same expression throughout the rest of this induction.
Her opponent would be Daffney, who comes out sporting a tank top reading “LIZ WILL DIE”. Man, I loved Daffney. Just a crazy character and she put everything into her roles. I also met her once when we were both at a convention signing stuff and she was the sweetest girl imaginable. All of a sudden this induction is getting really depressing.
So she comes out and runs around the ring like a crazy goth who just downed a six pack of Red Bulls. Or maybe Surge, not sure Red Bulls were around back then. Anyway, Liz has enough of her antics and absolutely waylays with a right cross. Holy smokes, I did NOT see that coming.
Liz then takes Daff to first day of (Fabulous Moolah) wrestling school with repeated hair mares. By golly, if Liz keeps this up I suspect she’ll win and get out of that contract!
But no, we get a run-in as Madusa shows up and starts rag dolling Liz, backing her into the corner from which Liz is unable to escape. Thankfully Mona (Molly Holly) comes in and attacks Madusa to make the save.
But Liz isn’t done and comes back in the ring and gives Madusa a very measured chair shot to the back. She then throws the chair down in a fit of rage, which probably wasn’t far from real life at this point.
Two nights later, Russo has Elizabeth backstage one more time and is reading her the riot act about how she has been outsmarting him. And she has the exact same look on her face as she did when last we saw her. He then tells Liz he’s just about had enough of all this and so he’s booked her in another match against “that cow, Rhonda Singh.” He further explains if she can beat “that bison”, he will tear up the contract. Pretty sure none of this language would fly today.
And so yes, it’s the lovely Elizabeth versus Rhona Sing. Can’t wait for her to start belting out some tunes!
Out comes our hero, wearing what Russo told us was a brand new outfit he’d specially designed for her. Pretty sure that’s exactly the same as the one she just wore except with camo shorts instead of camo pants. Eh, this wouldn’t be the first time fans had been lied about her wardrobe…anyone remember when Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect promised us those photos back at Mania VIII?
So the match starts and Rhonda bulldozes Liz into the corner. Have to love Liz backing out and calling for time out. What a total heel move!
Wait, wasn’t she supposed to be the babyface here?
Elizabeth gives Rhonda a kick that has absolutely no effect, and Singh tosses referee Charles Robinson to the side so she can inflict more damage. Ah Little Naitch…
…you’re the best.
Back to the match, now Lex Luger is in the ring for…you know, reasons I guess. Liz kicks Rhonda once more which allows Lex to put her up in the torture rack. The announcers talk like this is one of Luger’s all-time greatest achievements.
Seriously, don’t you remember when he racked the Roadblock?
I mean, when he SUCCESSFULLY racked the Roadblock?
Regardless, he saves Liz and lifts her into his loving arms. Everyone say it with me….AWWWWWWWW.
But of course we can’t have a happy ending, no no no. Instead the following Monday night we get poor Liz backstage once more with Russo and tonight he was going to teach her all about TOUGH LOVE. Take a look at Elizabeth in this screenshot: I dare say that ain’t acting. That’s a woman who wants to be nowhere near this disastrous mess.
So yeah, we get Russo’s idea of tough love…meaning Liz was about to enter the HOUSE OF PAIN. This was apparently a cage match where you had to shackle your opponent to the cage to gain victory. It’s amazing – I’ve written Death of WCW TWICE and there are still absurdities like this I have zero recollection of whatsoever. Maybe it’s time for a 10,000 page 25th Anniversary Edition?
As the announcers bemoan the fact that Liz isn’t dressed to wrestle, her opponent comes out dressed like…well, the term “streetwalker” comes to mind. And hey, if Ducey can take her heels off, you have to believe that Elizabeth could do the same, right?
And so Madusa comes in the ring and and once more corners Liz as Russo continues his brow beating, explaining that no one can get into the ring to help her.
Less than ten seconds later, Lex gets into the ring to help her. I for one love it that in order to conceal his identity (on the top of the cage!) he wore a wacky outfit, a wig, a hat, AND a mustache too! I applaud his dedication to his craft!
Now in Luger’s sights, Vince does the only thing he can – shove Madusa in to fight Luger for him. That’s a grade A heel tactic right there! Madusa is naturally no match for Lex, who immediately throws her up in the torture rack and Russo goes for a low blow.
Just one problem – Lex came equipped with a cup knowing such tomfoolery would be afoot. Liz then Peles Russo right in the nads and grabs the cup to shove in his face. Her revenge exacted, she would leave WCW that night never to appear again.
I mean, not as a wrestler at least. She would appear for a couple more weeks then be part of an attempted kidnapping angle with Mike Awesome, Chuck Palumbo, and Kimberly Page. And…she looked just as thrilled as she did in all her other segments. Following this, she then would vanish from not only WCW, but the entire world of professional wrestling. RIP Liz – you surely deserved a better send off than this.