Knox County, TN – WWE Superstar and Knox County Mayor Kane has been living in fear since beloved website Wrestlecrap.com revealed that they had a big announcement set for December 12th.
This is not the first time The Big Red Machine feared a specific date. Longtime fans will remember an extended period when the mention of May 19th sent Kane into a rage. Violent outbursts punctuated each mention of the date until it passed. While it was eventually revealed to be the date his house burned down, this new date truly terrified the monster.
Since the announcement on Wrestlecrap.com, Kane has lived in fear of December 12th. He has skipped meetings, forgone choke slamming random people backstage, and has not set anything on fire. Concerned family members even resorted to skipping over the number 12 and refused to day “December” out loud. The stress of the upcoming date was enough for Kane to reach out to an old friend for help.
“It’s not uncommon to fear a certain day or time,” said Kane’s therapist, Dr. Shelby. “For many, a specific date can hold past traumas. It can bring up bad memories or trigger strong emotional responses. May 19th was a tough one for Kane, but not the only date that gives him troubles. He won’t even talk about January 6th. The holidays are a stressful time to being with and this December 12th thing pushed Kane to the brink. I’m here to bring him back.”
Through extensive therapy and intensive hug sessions, Kane has accepted December 12th. His family, former tag team partners, and the citizens of Knox County have vowed to do all they can to help him through this day.
“I’m very proud of Kane,” smiled Dr. Shelby. “The day is finally here and he is okay. He knows that change is good, especially for such a beloved institution as Wrestlecrap. A whole new yet retro layout, sharper graphics, easy to navigate, bright colors. It’s wonderful!”
Thanks to breathing exercises and positive affirmations, Kane has finally met the day head on. He plans to spend the morning exploring the new and improved Wrestlecrap.
“Hehehe,” giggled Kane. “I totally forgot about Farting Natalya.”