Overcrowded AEW Float Delays Thanksgiving Day Parade

AEW Thanksgiving

Jacksonville, FL – This weekend’s Jacksonville Thanksgiving Day Parade was delayed for several hours after the All Elite Wrestling float broke down due to overcrowding.

Due to a vague company email inviting the “active roster” to participate, hundreds of AEW wrestlers arrived early Saturday morning. Disaster struck right before the start.

Poor planning, a bloated roster, and a misguided positive outlook that everything will work out proved to be the float’s undoing. While the other floats featured a small amount of personnel and art projects, AEW tried to fit as much of their roster as possible. Without an authoritative leader to guide them, all the wrestlers piled onto the float at once. The weight of that many sports entertainers was too much for the float, causing the axles to break.

Chaos ensued as floats stopped due to the delay. Marching bands bunched up, their songs overlapping in a horrible brass cacophony. Tempers flared as the meaning of Thanksgiving was lost.

Pushing and shoving ensued causing wrestlers fell over the sides of the truck. Scuffles broke out among the talent, which spilled over onto other floats. Kiwanis tussled with the Lions Club. A local high school color guard aggressively twirled flags at the Chamber of Commerce. Everyone beat up Jungle Boy.

Local authorities eventually broke up the melees and the parade eventually started. Other participants angrily glared at the stranded wrestlers who stood around and waiting for they Ubers and Lyfts. NWA owner Billy Corgan drove by offering everyone rides, but all refused.

Afterwards, AEW leader Tony Khan was asked about the incident.

“I’m thankful for NDA’s,” said a Khan before burning rubber and driving away from the scene.

Discuss This Crap!