An Outback Jack SQUASH Match? Tie Me Kangaroo Down!

Outback Jack

Look, if you weren’t around back in 1986/1987, you likely have no idea why Outback Jack was such a legendary misfire. At the time, it seemed to check all the boxes – Crocodile Dundee was a HUGE movie (the second highest grossing film of 1986 – suck it Pretty in Pink!) and the WWF was red hot following the Paul Orndorff turn on Hulk Hogan which truly established Hulkamania. Stick the two of them together and then hype Jack’s arrival for seemingly months on end and people were talking, believe me.

So when it was finally, finally time for the Aussie to make his debut on WWF television, it just seemed logical his opponent would be Steve Lombardi. Prior to his tenure as The Brooklyn Brawler, Lombardi was the jobber of choice for so many Superstars of Wrestling shows you could lose count.

So as to make the moment even more magical, Howard Finkel brought out a special guest, none other than Hillbilly Jim! And by golly, he wanted everyone to give his new pal Outback a good ol’ fashioned American welcome!

So Jack came to ringside and people were, yes, excited for his arrival. All these long months of waiting had led to this, where we could all see just how special Jack was!

The guys tie up to start, with Jack lightly pushing Lombardi into the ropes…

…then lightly pushing him into the OTHER ropes.

Lombardi fires an elbow into Jack’s schnozz before running right into a biel throw. All this action is so exhausting it causes Jack to stop and pull his pants up.

A big body slam comes next, which is then followed by yes, more pants hiking.

Lombardi goes on the offensive, laying in shots, biting Jack’s head, and raking his eyes across the ropes. I kinda hate to say anything, but Lombardi is by far showing better offense here.

Jack spins his foe around in order to give him an atomic drop. And then, yes, he hikes up his pants AGAIN. Dude you have a belt. Didn’t you check it before you came out for your big debut?

Jack finally wins by hitting a clothesline….then following that up with another clothesline to the back of the head. Yes kids, Jack had a TWO PART finisher. Have you ever heard of anyone else ever having something that absurd? No? Well, this match would likely be why.

Regardless, Jack got his big win and the crowd went…eh, whatever. It wasn’t long before Jack was nothing more than a jobber himself. But hey, at least he got a SQUASH of the week in the process!

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