As we kick off Thanksgiving week in the US o’ A, thoughts tend to our families. And whilst many of us won’t be able to celebrate with them in person this year thanks to a pesky virus, we will no doubt think back fondly upon past years when we weren’t mired in such dire circumstances. Sitting around the table, carving up the turkey, and of course, asking each other what 100 random people call a toilet.
What? Y’all never played Family Feud at YOUR Thanksgiving dinner?
Tsk tsk. You should try it sometime.
No doubt long-time Crappers may be saying, “Wait, didn’t you cover this one before?” To which I say, “Nope, no way.” Or maybe “No, I don’t think so.” Or more likely, “Probably not, but I do acknowledge that we’ve done like 27 different wrestlers on Family Feud inductions.” What can I say? The site’s been around since the Eisenhower administration and we rehash stuff from time to time. But more than anything, I love doing these, because someone always says something stupid which makes for an easy night for your old buddy and your old pal.
But will that be the case today? I’m not a betting man, but I will say the fact that this man…
…is heading up team WCW gives me hope.
Yes kids, the brains of WCW on this episode is SID.
Christmas comes early to RD Reynolds!
Before we get to the fun, let’s first introduce the rest of Team WCW. Good ol’ Dirty Dutch Mantell is our number two guy…
…followed by Master Blaster Steel. You may not recognize the name, but yes kids, that right there is a young KEVIN NASH. Amazingly, before he had a horrible gimmick as Oz, he had a worse gimmick as the most stereotypical pro wrestler imaginable, with goofy hair, eye makeup, and a screaming interview style that would make Brian Knobbs say, “Dude, turn it down a bit.”
Your friend and mine Tony Schiavone is here too, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else on planet earth. I’d probably also want to be somewhere else if Nash was staring at me like that.
Kevin Sullivan rounds out our crew. Because when you think “game show contestant”, you think “devil worshipping leader of the Varsity Club.”
This motley bunch will be battling the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. You know that melodrama on Netflix that should be way funnier than it is? Believe it or not, that was a real wrestling promotion in the late 80’s/early 90’s. I’d go through their team but the crappy video I have of this doesn’t bother to do so, thus leaving me no other option than to rattle them off as the come up to answer goofy questions.
Before we get too far along, I should note that I realize I do have some readers who are outside of my home country. Therefore, I guess it would be wise of me to explain the rules of this particular game.
You have two sides of five folks (originally they were in fact families, but that morphed to include celebrity episodes such as this) battling each other by answering questions that were originally answered by 100 randos. The top X number of questions are on the board, and it is up to the teams to correctly guess what those answers were.
Our host for this particular event is a guy by the name of Ray Coombs. If that sounds vaguely familiar, it’s because he was featured on WWF television back in the day, and by the video above, it was apparently at the Survivor Series in 1993. I legit had to look it up to see that it was in reference to a match with the Harts versus
Jerry Lawler Shawn Michaels and his team of “knights”.
Wait, was that the time when Bret wore those hideous trunks instead of tights?
Why it sure was!
Why do I remember stupid stuff like that but can barely remember where I parked the car when I go to Krogers?
To the Feud we go as Sid faces off with (former WrestleCrap Radio guest!) Hollywood, both coming to the podium using those wacky hand flexer things. At first I didn’t get that, but I finally realized it made sense: they need their hands in tippy top shape so they can smack that buzzer first.
“Top six answers on the board. Name something you do after eating a big meal!”
Sid: “BRUSH MY TEETH!”
Thinking along the same lines, the lovely Hollywood chimes in saying “Toothpick. You know, do the toothpick deal.”
But it is good to see that both of these fine folks are so concerned about ORAL HYGIENE.
Dutch goes into deep thought before stating that he watches TV, which gets number three. However per the rules of the game that can be topped, so over to the Farmer’s Daughter we go, who states she exercises right after stuffing her gullet.
I knocked them a few weeks back, but those two frame animations do still come in handy from time to time.
This means that Ted Turner’s ‘rasslers take over, and next on the board would be a wide eyed Kevin Nash, who bellows “HOW BOUT COFFEE?”
I love that everyone was so happy with the answer that was ultimately a complete and utter failure.
Even at this point Ray seems to know the train is barreling off the tracks, so he helpfully notes, “I know you guys are excited, but I am going to ask you to step back. Try to calm down a bit.
SAGE WISDOM RIGHT THERE.
Tony Schiavone’s incredibly coiffed hair do is next, and he explains that he immediately goes to sleep…and congrats, that is the number one answer!
Somewhere I hear all my non-US friends saying, “No wonder 98.7% of Americans are morbidly obese. You eat a giant meal then go to bed?”
USA! USA! USA!
Kevin Sullivan is on tap next, noting that he smokes after dinner. That also is up there, and now the guys appear to have momentum on their side. So we go back to Sid who says that he has dessert.
You know what, that’s a pretty decent answer.
I mean, it wasn’t right, but it did lead to disgruntled Sid face so that’s a win in my book.
So it’s up to Dutch to bring the money home, and he explains that after a big meal, he uses the bathroom. Really. And if you don’t believe me…
…then take a look at Hollywood pinching her nose in utter disgust.
Shockingly, “TAKING A BIG OL’ DUMP” is not on the board. That’s really a shame if for no other reason than I wanted to have that as a GIF of the Week.
The girls can’t take advantage of things and WCW somehow wins the round. This leads us to round two with Dutch going nose to nose with Farmer’s Daughter, as the two try to come up with “Things You’d See in an Old Western Movie”. Dutch says cowboys, which somehow is only number five, while Farmer’s Daughter goes with horses (“Whores?” asks Ray) which nets her number one.
The girls can’t clear the board however, and it goes back to WCW to steal, which they do with “Saloon”. And here you thought Sid wasn’t going to get a single answer right.
I mean, sure, it took everyone else telling him what to say, but no red X is still a win for our affable lug.
Jackie Stallone (umm, WHAT??) goes nose to navel with Steel on the podium, as the two try to come up with “Things You Pour on Food.” Nash scores points with me by saying milk (I totally picture him gulping down a half box of Frosted Flakes every morning), while Jackie answers with a question: “What kind of food?”
I know folks remember other hosts of this show far more than Ray Combs, but his chastising of this poor woman “You know – FOOD YOU EAT!!” as the buzzer strikes just moved him up to number one in my book.
Tony Schiavone’s Hair answers that he likes to pour a cheese sauce on his plate.
Dude, I was right there with you. I’m all about dumping queso over everything. And I can’t be the only one.
After all, I live in America!
“KETCHUP KETCHUP KETCHUP!!!” barks Sullivan. Somehow this is NOT number one. But it is number two. Good thing Dutch didn’t guess it, as that could have led to all kinds of stupid toilet humor on my part.
Sid goes with syrup, as he continues his hot streak of correct guesses. While this is going on, Farmer’s Daughter continually makes eyes at him and sticks out her tongue. If I didn’t know better, I’d think these two were hooking up backstage.
And I don’t know better, so let’s just say they were. Here’s to hoping someone hops on Sid’s Wikipedia and reports that as fact.
Liberty and Tony square off as GLOW looks to swing the tide in their favor. I know I ragged on the Netflix show above, but I will say this – they absolutely aced the look of Liberty on there. Betty Glipin will never look better than she did by mimicking the woman above.
Learn to take a compliment, lady. Giant 80s Mall Hair RULES!
GLOW also rules this particular round, as they take the lead with a thorough stomping of WCW.
Oh, and hey…that thing I mentioned about Sid and Farmer’s Daughter having some kinda chemistry? That ain’t nothing compared to Kevin Sullivan and Godiva…
…who appear to have such sexual tension I was almost ready to get the CENSOR BAR out. Seriously, look at the Taskmaster there and tell me that dude is thinking about anything BUT that.
He’s eyeing her up and down like a meat platter for crying out loud!
And by the time Sid is humping the podium while Hollywood shimmies in his face, I think there’s only one conclusion we can make:
If you even ponder questioning this, I give you the finale when the girls win:
Farmer’s Daughter spinning around in Dirty Dutch’s hat like she’s on stage three at Cheetah’s!
I probably should end this induction now – I wouldn’t want our humble little site to get blocked by your Net Nanny!