The Great Khali vs. Kane Was a WRESTLEMANIA Match!!

You’d think after 24 years (we just celebrated our anniversary a few days ago!) we’d be running out of WrestleMania stuff to induct. I mean, a quick check of the trusty ol’ search bar reveals literally dozens of Inductions featuring the so-called “grandest stage of them all”. But still to this day, I am often amazed at things that wind up on WWE’s top show. And I was gobsmacked upon my most recent deep dive to discover the match we’re discussing today – Kane versus the Great Khali.

I want you to repeat that to me…really, say it out loud – KANE VERSUS THE GREAT KHALI. That sounds HORRIBLE, like maybe one of the worst possible combos imaginable. Can it possibly live up (or I guess down) to my lofty expectations? One way to find out!!!

Some newer fans may not know who the Great Khali even is. How do I even attempt to explain. Well, he was this absolutely gigantic dude who hit the scene in the company in 2006. When I say gigantic, I mean that in the most literal sense imaginable, as he was very close to a legit seven feet tall and pretty daggum jacked. Walking to the ring he appeared absolutely horrifying.

And mad props to the camera crew here for making it appear as though he is as tall as two buildings. I’ve ragged on the company over the years, but their production values have almost always been top notch, especially with little details like that. Love it.

His foe for his WrestleMania debut would in fact be Kane. Good ol’ Kane, around forever, and pretty much the same guy as he was from day one in the company.

Well, except he wasn’t an evil dentist at this point.

Or a fake Kevin Nash. Seriously, this guy suffered enough throughout his WWE tenure, did we really need to saddle him with a match against the Great Khali?

I’d make a joke this probably made all his hair fall out, but I guess it only made the front half of his head go bald. Seriously, what is the deal with this hair cut? Did this guy never own a mirror?

So the bout starts and Kane discovers the mighty might of Khali. Watch closely and you will see him giving Kane the old “don’t sing it, bring it” hand motion. Too bad he wasn’t just a few years younger, maybe he could have come in as fake Razor!

So Kane gives it the old college try again, this time kicking the big guy in the tummy and going for a shoulder block. But Khali is all like “nuh uh, girlfriend!” Really, that’s what he said. Trust me, I read lips.

Kane goes for an Irish whip, but Khali reverses it…and Kane somehow ends up outside the ring entirely. That there is some next level grappling!

Kane gets back in the ring and decides he hits Khali with a…clothesline. At least I think it was supposed to be a clothesline. He kinda just bumps into him chest to chest. I almost thought he was going to give him a hug! That ain’t no clothesline, Kane!

Now THAT…THAT is a clothesline! Holy smokes, that looks legit scary. Have to believe before the match Glen went up to the big guy and told him “make it look good” and Khali was like you got it, bro.

Khali continues the offense with a body slam. So impressed was he with this display of strength that he just stands back as if to say, “Look at what I just did. A body slam!” And the crowd goes mild.

And let me tell you, that slam is one of the high spots so far in this match. No doubt concerned he may be getting the audience a bit too amped up, he slows things down with that most dreaded of moves, a NERVE HOLD. I also love that if you watch this on Peacock, you get banners reminding you that WrestleMania is coming up this Saturday, so don’t you dare miss it.

After all, you might get MORE ACTION LIKE THIS!

Or maybe this! By golly I hope we get more Shane McMahon level fisticuffs this year. Looking up and down the card I’m not seeing who could possibly deliver something that horrible, but I’ll never give up hope!

Back to our match, Kane decides to go high risk and climbs to the top rope. He flies off and does…something. No idea honestly what that was supposed to be but it does cause Khali to flap his arms up and down, looking like a gigantic goose who is attempting to learn to fly backwards.

He winds up getting his arms tied in the ropes. By golly, he’s just like his dad Andre the Giant! Wait, that was Big Show, not Khali.

Seeing that horrible clotheslines and baffling top rope maneuvers wouldn’t be enough to gain victory, Kane rolls to the outside to see what may be under the ring. And there he finds a chain with a giant meat hook.

A giant meat hook that he simply hangs on the rope. I mean, I wasn’t wanting him to play Sega Bass Fishing with the guy, but what’s the point of that?

So Kane tries a few more punches, and Khali counters with the knife edge chop to the top of the head. That is such a delightfully stupid move – I laugh every single time I see him do it!

Khali turns around and tears the turnbuckle pad apart. I always advise folks to go back and watch old tapes to learn from the past, but I have to say seeing Great Khali channeling the spirit of George “The Animal” Steele was not what I had in mind.

The chain finally comes into play as Kane somehow gets it between Khali’s legs and ratchets it right into the big guy’s crotch. Remember when Kane stuck a pair of jumper cables to Shane McMahon’s testicles? What was this guy’s fascination with other dude’s yambags?

Seeing his opening, Kane goes for broke, picking up Khali with a mighty slam! And now the kids in the audience are losing their ever loving minds. Hey even I have to admit that was pretty impressive. So impressive that Khali casually kicks out at two.

Still, Kane had his opponent at least a bit staggered and it’s time for a chokeslam….which Khali counters lining up for one of his own. I know I can’t be the only one who wanted to see them simultaneously choke slam each other. That would have elevated this incredibly awful match to at least DUD status!

Instead Khali gets the advantage and hits the tree slam to put Kane down.

Down for the count I should note, with Khali doing the Jericho “arrogant cover” with a one foot pin on Kane, who wound up looking like a total geek. Welp, that was every bit as atrocious as I thought it would be going in. I can’t imagine anything this weekend will be in the realm of this, but one can always hope! Enjoy WrestleMania, kids!

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