Poor Mark Henry. I mean, you want to talk about rough, no one in wrestling has had it rougher over the past couple of years than the big man from Silsbee, Texas. Not only did he have a silly nickname (“Sexual Chocolate”), not only did he have an affair with an elderly horndog (Mae Young), but he also had the privilege of groping a transvestite.
Mssrs. McMahon and Russo must have really had it out for this guy.
Anyway, the storyline here was that big Mark had been persuing Chyna for weeks. He started coming out on national TV talking about he and Chyna had done the nasty.
Oh yeah, so not only did all that other horrible stuff happen, but he also had to pretend to be infatuated with Chyna.
Hmm…Chyna or MaeYoung. Kinda like deciding between getting hit in the head with a frying pan or having your fingernails ripped out with some rusty pliers.
Decisions decisions.
So after weeks of denying it, Chyna came out and said that she and Mark HAD been sleeping together all along. Heck, Chyna even introduced Mark to her girlfriend Sammy.
And so after a grueling match in which Mark suffered a low blow at the hands of Terri Runnels, Chyna had Sammy head to the back to Mark some “special attention.”
Cue the Skank Cam, as Mark and Sammy fondled each other’s naughty parts. Mark reached down to get him a little somethin’ somethin’, and…
…found out that Sammy had a weiner!!
Hahahaa…get it? Her/his name was SAMMY, like SAM! And SAM is a MAN’s NAME!
ROTFLMOLAATC!
Whew…they don’t write comedy like that anymore (thank God).
Mark went to bathroom to barf his lungs out.
Hey Mark, while you’re in there, take a big whiff. Smell that? That’s WrestleCrap, baby!
Of course, Chyna revealed all this in front of a jam packed arena, with Henry’s mother in attendance. She grabbed her baby boy by the hand, and led him to the back to give him an earful. My guess is that she told him never to fondle a shemale again.
Words to live by, kids.
Today, Henry is honing his craft in Ohio Valley Wrestling (OVW), the WWF’s farm system. The WWF sent him down there to lose some weight and gain some experience. From my brief encounter with him (I managed him at an OVW show in Indiana), he appears to be progressing nicely.
And in an era when others won’t put anyone else over or complain about angles, you’ve got to think a guy that did all the stupid stuff the WWF asked him to do without complaining has a pretty good chance of making it back to the big leagues.
Sammy: “How’s my ass feel, baby?”
Mark Henry: “Ooh..tight!”
– Assorted sexual sounds –
Mark Henry: “OH SWEET JESUS! YOU’VE GOT A PENIS!!”
Sammy: “That’s why they call me ‘Sammy’, baby!”
– Sounds of vomitting –