Kaitlyn vs. Maxine

Kaitlyn Vs. Maxine

I’m always a bit humored whenever I hear folks go on and on about the greatness of NXT. Don’t get me wrong – the Takeovers are usually a lot of fun and feature great in-ring action. But those of you who say there’s never a bad episode of the show are dead wrong. That’s never the case with any wrestling show, or honestly, anything in this silly world in which we live.

It reminds me a lot of my friend Eric telling me how the Super Nintendo was the best console ever made, and how there were no bad games for it. When I gave it to him for Christmas with nothing but a copy of Bebe’s Kids and made him play it for my amusement. Suffice to say, he changed his tune. Being the good sport I am, after he admitted there was a lot of utter trash on that box, I gave him all the good games I had stashed away, including Street Fighter II Turbo, Final Fantasy III, and Super Mario World.

Today’s going to be a lot like that. Except there’s no Legend of Zelda waiting at the end of this induction. Instead, you’ll get one of the worst botched finishes you ever did see.

We go back to the year 2010, on a very early episode of NXT. Originally, the show didn’t feature matches as it does today; instead, it focused on the concept of veterans guiding rookies in their efforts to make it in the world of WWE. You know, pros like Alicia Fox and Vicki Guerrero.

Just typing that makes me feel stupid.

But such is the case here, as Vickie is the guiding light for Kaitlyn. Now I am sure you will all remember Kaitlyn. If not, here’s a GIF from Saturday Morning Slam in which she showed the chidlren of the world how to dress up like a penguin using nothing but garbage (perhaps literally) laying around the house.

Awww, isn’t she cute?

No matter how many times I post that GIF, it’s never enough. I think it should be the unofficial animated GIF of the site. I mean, reposting such things over and over never gets old, right?


What she said.

Her opponent this evening would be the Alicia Fox-led Maxine. While I can’t imagine anyone not recalling the greatness of Kaitlyn, I can envision a world where no one can place the name “Maxine”. I’m guessing you may know her better be her Lucha Underground moniker – Catrina.

Yes, the girlfriend or mother or whatever of the legendary Mil Muertes. Remember when that show was great for like two seasons? Catrina played a hand in that. Well, she played the lips in it at least.

That came out totally wrong.

Her gimmick was the kiss of death. She’d literally lick guys on the face that he was going to have her man destroy. They made for a really good act.

Again, though, this was before all that. So let’s see just how bad this legendarily awful encounter truly is.

To really spice things up, Vickie and Alicia have headset mics that can be heard by both the audience and the folks at home. And more importantly, the other announcers. Cole notes that this is great – but unlike when he normally thinks something is great and everyone is like, “oh heck no it ain’t”, here Cole notes that this will give him the night off since they can do their own running commentary. That DOES sound great! Unfortunately, it’s really not, as Vickie’s play-by-play consists primarily of yelling “DO SOMETHING!” while Alicia mumbles things incoherently.

After seeing some horrific (and I do mean HORRIFIC) grappling, Cole can no longer remain silent, telling the viewers stupid enough to watch this at home that while they’ve seen some bad stuff on the show before, this may be the worst segment ever. In fairness, while this match is bad, I’ve for sure seen way way way worse on WWE television.

A lot of it involving Michael Cole.

Remember his legendary heel run?

You should – it won the Gooker Award!

Still, I will say that in this match, Cole may be the highlight. As the action continues to swirl the crapper, Cole simply gives up and starts talking on his cell phone.

Like literally, the dude got up and just walked around taking a call.

I think he was supposed to be a heel here. Not sure.

Then he hands his phone over to TONY CHIMMEL (!!!!) and we get footage of HIM talking on the phone.

Finally Cole comes back and blurts out, “Is this match seriously still going on????”

Ok, I get it. Someone didn’t like this match. But does anyone really want to show that it’s so atrocious that even the folks who are being PAID to watch it have given up?

How does that help anyone?

I mean, sure, I can’t blame them, but…ok, watching whatever that was supposed to be, I guess I’ll just say eh, yeah, I can’t blame them.

Still, I feel bad for the girls in the ring. They were so very green, and it seemed throwing them out to do a match before a live crowd like this couldn’t possibly lead to anything but disaster. It’s almost like someone backstage was getting off on their horrendosity.

But I’m positive there’s no one like that in the Gorilla position.

(Or maybe the rumors are true and Vince is a fan of this site.)

While Josh Matthews notes he’s at a loss for words at what he’s witnessing, Cole explains there’s a whole dictionary full of words to describe it: horrible, despicable, bad.

Matthews: “C’mon ref – count faster!”

Cole: “I’ve said it before – there’s a reason we’re on dot com!”

Just when you think things cannot possibly get any worse, we get what I will charitably call “the finish”. I’m not sure what was supposed to happen here, but I’m pretty sure Kaitlyn being pinned while Maxine patted her on her hootenanny wasn’t supposed to be it.

I mean, really – thats’ what happened. Don’t ask me. I don’t know.

What’s most shocking about this match is it wasn’t the last match these two had. No, for over two years they wrestled each other ALL THE TIME. In fact, after getting the suggestion to induct this match, I typed “Kaitlyn vs. Maxine” into Metacrawler (what, you use something else?) and was shocked at just how many videos came up. In fact, the first match isn’t the one I inducted at all – instead, it was from 2012. The actual wrestling was admittedly way better, but the commentary in which Johnny Curtis (he who would become Fandango) continually rubbed lotion on his chest while talking about riding around in a white 1976 abduction van (and I WISH I was making that up) was WrestleCrap material to say the very least.

But hey – that’s another induction for another day.

Discuss This Crap!