INDUCTION: The Eggnog Match – Ho Ho Ho(s Are Splashing in Goo For Your Amusement)!

25 Submitted by on Thu, 06 December 2018, 19:13

WWF, 2001

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In the past couple of years, I’ve made no bones about knocking the so-called women’s evolution/revolution/whateverthey’recallingitthisweek in WWE. It has nothing to do with women taking a more prominent role on Raw and Smackdown; I’m all for that. Rather, it is the incessant, never ending over the top reminders we’re given about how amazing WWE is for doing this. By golly, it seems women the world over are now being given amazing opportunities they’ve never been afforded before, almost solely due to Stephanie McMahon waking up one day and deciding the women in her family’s company should be featured on pro wrestling shows of all things.

Just grates my nerves. I’m not the only one – during the recent WWE Evolution PPV, my wife asked me if she was supposed to send a thank you note to the McMahons for being so kind as to allow women to have their own event. “The way they are talking about this,” she mused, “is like all us lowly members of the so-called weaker sex are now able to vote thanks to their generosity.”

She seems to see it the same way I do.

But it hasn’t all been a bad thing. Take the Barry Horowitz pats on the back aside, and it’s actually been a good thing, leading to a more interesting product in the women’s division than perhaps there’s ever been. Seeing women such as Becky Lynch get a chance to entertain us all is something for which I am actually grateful. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that women in the company splashed around in vats filled with gravy and egg nog.

What, you thought I was joking?

Seriously, this is how women were treated in this company. It was accepted by everyone – not just by Vince, but by pretty much everyone in the company, and honestly, by the fans as well. We all hooted and hollered as women were paraded out as nothing more than eye candy like it was the greatest thing we’d ever seen.

This extends more to the fans and those in charge, though. I mean, the ladies themselves obviously also viewed it as acceptable, otherwise they wouldn’t have been out there splashing around in thongs in a kiddie pool filled with milky substances.

And hey, that’s what we’re talking about here today.

Give the WWF props, though – when they told us this was an egg nog match, they really made the effort for it to look like legitimate egg nog. Sprinkling the top with what may well have been honest to goodness nutmeg is the kind of attention to detail sorely lacking in lesser wrestling company’s egg nog matches.

Other companies do have those, right?

Also missing would be women such as the amazing Stacy Keibler. Again, not to sound like a totally sexist pig, it is kinda crazy how many truly stunning women have been in this company over the years. In my book, Stacy may have been at the top of that list. I’d often look at her and think she really is too classy to be in this business.

I have zero idea why I ever thought that as she’d always prove me wrong. Seriously, what a skank.

I’m sure some of you lowlifes are going to watch that loop for 15 minutes straight, doing things I never, ever want to know about. Don’t leave messages below, either, or I’ll be smacking you upside the head with the ban hammer.

In comparison, Torrie Wilson coming out and simulating other naughty things with a candy cane seems downright timid in comparison. I can only theorize that Torrie was more concerned with how she was going to win this athletic competition wherein she could only win by pinning her opponent’s shoulders to the mat for the count of three.

You know, in egg nog.

Stacy gets the early upper hand, slapping Torrie across the face then body slamming her into the nog. This wrestling maneuver somehow causes Torrie to lose her top and panties.

I rewound this approximately 37 times, and remain unsure what laws of physics would cause such a sequence of events to transpire.

Soon enough, Stacy is also in the glop, along with the referee as Torrie flings them both into the fray with a mighty hair pull in a rather clumsy spot.

Wait, am I seriously critiquing individual spots in an EGG NOG MATCH?

Mrs. Deal, get Dave Meltzer on the line! I need to know how many stars he rated this bout!

I’m betting it’s less than one!

Torrie takes control in earnest by attempting to drown Stacy. Like legitimately hold her head under water nog so as to cause her to no longer be able to breathe. C’mon, girl, what is wrong with you?

This is a standard Egg Nog Match, not an Egg Nog Death Match!

Undeterred, Stacy hops on Torrie’s back in a scene right of the old apartment wrestling magazines of the 1970s. Really such things actually existed. As did the following commentary in this particular match:

Jim Ross: “Stacy Keibler has mounted Torrie Wilson. I’ve never said that before in over twenty-five years.”

Jerry Lawler: “Merry Christmas!”

Jim Ross: “Torrie seems to be the more buoyant of the two.”

Jerry Lawler: “Yeah! BOUYANT!”

As if all that wasn’t suggestive enough, next we get more ‘action’ in the form of Torrie spanking Stacy right across her shiny bum. This is accompanied by Lawler screaming the following commentary:

“Yeah, spank her! SPANK HER! I guarantee you she’s been naughty!”

Amazingly, this serves to be Torrie’s finisher, as Stacy falls backwards and is pinned. Mad props to Torrie for properly hooking the leg while applying the cover. Somewhere, I’d like to think Gorilla Monsoon was looking on proudly.

I hadn’t thought of him wearing a Santa hat, but you’re right – he really should be.

Anyway, the next time we all start complaining about another boring Tamina snoozefest or Nia Jax potatoing and putting another women on the shelf, always remember: it used to be worse.

I mean, this was worse, right?

Yeah, I’m not sure either.

One thing I am sure of…the annual WrestleCrap Christmas Movie induction is on its way! Should be posted December 19….just in time to get you ready for the big day! Why not spread some holiday cheer our way and get some cool goodies in the process by donating to our Patreon by clicking…oh yes…rightchere?

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25 Responses to "INDUCTION: The Eggnog Match – Ho Ho Ho(s Are Splashing in Goo For Your Amusement)!"
  1. Alfonzo L Tyson says:

    Annnnnnnnd this is one reason why Stacy Keibler won’t go anywhere near the WWE nowadays!

  2. Cameron A. says:

    At least with WWE, one usually knows what to expect with “fluid in a pool” matches. There’s none of that WCW ROTC Match crap where there’s a mud-pit, but it’s just there to set the scene for a miscarriage angle.

  3. Sean Bateman says:

    Why wasn’t this inducted by Blade?

  4. Guest says:

    Why are there pinfalls in this match?

  5. Christopher Haydu says:

    I think one of the problems with the women in the Attitude Era and even before it was that none of the women were booked to be the top stars of the company. Some may have been well-liked, and some may have gotten a fair amount of screen time, but in the back of your head you knew they weren’t going to be promoted the way Stone Cold or the Rock were. For that reason, it’s hard not to cringe at the idea of an eggnog match. When you know that the participants aren’t going to advance beyond being just another angle you have to sit through while you’re waiting for the Rock to come out, it’s difficult to even laugh at it for comedy. It was the same before the Attitude Era with the women champions. There may have been a woman champion, but they were never marketed as being on the same level as Hulk Hogan or Macho Man Randy Savage. To me, that’s the primary distinction between the women’s division now and all of the women who came before now. The women now are being marketed as equal to the men. There are still ridiculous angles and women who are treated like eye candy, but some women can actually be taken seriously because they’re being promoted as top stars the way AJ Styles and John Cena are.

    • The Barber says:

      Uhh…Wendi Richter was one of the selling points of the Rock And Wrestling Connection. Plus, Sable was featured prominently on WWF TV when she was on. You also had Chyna winning the IC Title and rumors were abound that she could have been up for the WWF Title.

      • Kareem Ofweet says:

        The women of the time also weren’t pushed like the top men because they weren’t as athletically gifted, didn’t bring in ratings (outside of T&A segments) and couldn’t cut promos to save their lives to build up matches/angles. Simple facts. That still applies today if we’re being honest.

        Would you really expect networks to push the WNBA as something equal to the NBA? Of course not. The talent/ratings gap is way too wide.

    • KatieVictoriasSecret says:

      I’d agree with the Barber argue that Chyna was treated as a selling points during the Attitude Era in a mostly serious way, minus all of the hoopla that surrounded her Playboy shoot.

      I will say that I feel like the Evolution Era’s booking of women is the first real return we’ve had so far to the Wendi Richter/Rockin’ Robin/Jumping Bomb Angels era (and the Maudusa/Bull Nakano era) where the women were treated like serious athletes, if not midcard side-acts. The company’s booking for women has always been messy.

  6. #OPC says:

    WWF brand Egg Nog, did they sell that in the grocery store where Stone Cold fought Booker T?

  7. John C says:

    Somehow I feel The King has this playing on a loop on a VHS back in his castle. Pops open a cool grape soda and screams, “Crown me!!!”, after 27 seconds.

  8. C Boz says:

    Serious question here (about an Egg Nog match, what is wrong with me?). What exactly was that kiddie pool filled with? I am not looking for entendre-angle answers, I actually am curious.

  9. Gerard says:

    Wwe still likes these messy wrestling matches the most recent being the night Vicky Guerrero retired on raw stephanie did challenge Vicky to fight her in a pit of i believe it was chocolate pudding???

  10. Erich says:

    I spent 15 minutes watching that gif on a loop, respecting Miss Hancock as a person, as well as the choices she made as a personality on a professional wrestling show.

  11. Mister Forth says:

    I now want Becky to use her powers of Twitter to own whoever thought of this.

  12. MattyC says:

    I don’t think I’ll ever get over how much Stephanie loves herself for giving women a chance. And yet her as the figurehead of this ‘revolution’ undermines it as she’s only in the position she’s in because Daddy owns the company and also she was complicit in some of the most misogynistic storylines ever.

    Also, WWE is far from the first company to give women a chance to shine. Oh and taking credit for such a revolution is also undermined when a company is willing to remove all women from its shows for ready money.

    The women’s wrestling is often excellent, there are some brilliant performers but the fact it is being done to enrich a morally bankrupt company again simply undermines the good parts. What a shame.

  13. Captain Obvious says:

    Damn why wasn’t this on the Ring In The Holiday DVD?

  14. JimbobJones says:

    I get SO tired of how “historic” the Women’s Revolution is.

    You can’t claim something is historic because you finally decide to do right!

    “I stopped beating my kids! It’s a historic moment in my life!!! How awesome am I for not beating them any more?!”

  15. Chris the Bambikiller says:

    To me that hand gesture Stacy does looks like she wants to make herself vomit.

  16. AK says:

    “I’m sure some of you lowlifes are going to watch that loop for 15 minutes straight, doing things I never, ever want to know about. Don’t leave messages below, either, or I’ll be smacking you upside the head with the ban hammer.”

    For a moment I thought Deal was going to finish that by declaring whomever has the best (worst?) reaction to the GIF would be thrown into the lake of reincarnation, or locked up in the House of Horrors, or stuck in the Punjabi Prison with the Great Khali, or tied up listening to Stephanie McMahon promos..

  17. KatieVictoriasSecret says:

    Woof. I forgot Lawler’s voice could get that high.

    It’s amazing to compare the way the women’s division has evolved along with time, from the technicolor blandness of the 80s to the sameness of the Alundra Blayze era to the T&A era to the AJ Lee era to what we have now.

  18. Garrett says:

    I never cared for Stacy Keibler. There was nothing good about her whether it be looks or wrestling skills. She was boring and unattractive. Torrie was way better on looks and wrestling skills.

  19. Garrett says:

    I never cared for Stacy Keibler. I never found her attractive at all. She was so boring to watch. Torrie Wilson was better when it came to both looks and wrestling skills.

  20. Trekkie313 says:

    Vince’s horniness knows no bounds.

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