Charlie Haas & The Women

Have you ever seen an old wrestling angle so misogynistic you can’t believe it ever made air? Well, I found several in fall 2004 alone, but today I’m talking about the Jackie Gayda/Charlie Haas/Dawn Marie love triangle.

It began when Dawn Marie joined the Smackdown announce team for guest commentary, revealing two big scoops.

Not only that, but she also said Charlie Haas and Jackie were engaged…

…and Dawn herself was doin’ it with Charlie.

While she couldn’t mourn Al Wilson forever, that was no excuse to spend the rest of the match gushing over Charlie Haas and how generally hot he was.

(specifically his ass)

So Dawn wanted us to believe that Charlie Haas was so irresistible, he could land two women at the same time? Even Charlie wouldn’t believe that.

He’s no Veer Mahaan, is what I’m saying.

After Dawn threw a shoe at Jackie for blocking her view of Charlie…

…the two wound up in a pull-apart brawl. (That’s B-R-A-W-L, brawl)

At No Mercy, things escalated. Dawn Marie wore a shirt reading “Charlie loves Dawn Marie”…

…and you could probably guess what Jackie did next.

But could you guess what Michael Cole did next? If you said, “joke about how hard he was getting”, you don’t deserve a prize. That’s disgusting.

Weeks later, when Charlie Haas injured his knee, Dawn was inconsolable.

Intentionally or not, Charlie walked abreast of Dawn as referees helped him up the aisle.

Over the following weeks and months, Dawn Marie and Jackie Gayda had a Halloween catfight…

…a Thanksgiving catfight…

…and a Christmas catfight.

It’s almost as if this whole storyline was an excuse for the two women to rip each other’s clothes off.

Along the way, Jackie and Dawn Marie attempted to “settle their differences” in an arm wrestling match.

Those differences? Dawn was allegedly sleeping with Jackie’s fiancé. Their solution? Seeing who had stronger arms.

Dawn gave Cole a prostate exam for good luck…

…then locked hands with Jackie.

In short order, she headbutted Jackie, leading to another catfight. And because neither woman had successfully pinned the other’s arm…

…their jealousy and hatred only intensified.

At long last, Teddy Long put his foot down…

…booking the two women against each other at Armageddon with a special guest referee:

Charlie Haas!

But first, Charlie had a match of his own, randomly teaming with Hardcore Holly to face the Bashams.

And once again, Charlie’s sheer animal magnetism ended up costing him. When Dawn Marie and Jackie caused a scene at ringside, the Bashams switched places…

…allowing Basham to pin Holly. Let’s just ignore the fact that it was Holly who pinned Basham. Everyone else did.

Backstage, Jackie recapped the night’s events, promised her ref some sex, and squeezed in one last make-out session before the big match.

Charlie Haas, as romantic as a high school football coach, said, “Not bad, Gayda” and slapped his fiancée on the butt.

Charlie Haas

In the women’s match, Jackie hair-mared Dawn Marie into oblivion…

…until Dawn Marie rolled her up.

It was the second-worst piece of officiating all night!

Despite the obvious handful of tights, Charlie Haas still counted three.

So that was it? Months of feuding, and the blow-off match lasted a minute forty-five?

Why couldn’t it have been three seconds?

After the match, Jackie demanded answers, so Haas told the truth — he had been hooking up with Dawn Marie after all!

And the engagement was off!

And Jackie couldn’t make love worth a damn!

So now, with ring in hand, Charlie Haas popped the big question.

“Dawn Marie,” said Haas. “Why are you such a slut!?

Shocked at the loose morals of the woman he’d been sleeping with while engaged, Haas left both women behind and kept the ring.

On the way up the aisle, a smattering of “Charlie!” chants translated to the biggest pop of Haas’s life.

Incredibly, this segment was not meant as a heel turn for Charlie.

Having become a total a**hole and thrown his co-worker under the bus for their illicit affair…

…Haas was now the perfect partner for Hardcore Holly.

But Charlie accomplished little of note before being released along with Jackie…

…with a pregnant Dawn Marie getting a pink slip soon after. That’s almost as bad as the story line!

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