Big Bossman’s Mother

WrestleCrap Induction – Big Bossman’s Mother

Today we detail one of the most gross violations of First Amendment rights in the history of wrestling, so buckle up and prepare to be angry for the state of America in 1990.

Following Rick Rude’s loss to the Ultimate Warrior at Summerslam 90, he was obviously frustrated and looking for a new target for his aggression and awesome new haircut, and that target turned out to be the Big Bossman. Bobby Heenan, always one to use his brain to win the day, dug deep into the history of the Bossman and made some shocking discoveries about his family members, even in the days before the internet made researching skeletons in the closet an easy thing.

You see how he’s pointing at his head? That’s how you know he’s intelligent! He’s a man who did his research.

For example, did you know that Bossman’s mother was actually illiterate and worked the streets as a lady of the night, according to Bobby Heenan’s extensive research network? Shocking if true, and I don’t know why it wouldn’t be. Also, she was apparently dangerously overweight and terrified children because she was so unattractive.

Here, I used AI to create an artist’s rendition of what she might have looked like.

Terrifyingly accurate.

For some reason, having the shame of his mother’s shortcomings exposed on national TV upset Bossman beyond all reason, and he started picking a fight with Rick Rude, merely because Rude was an associate of Bobby Heenan!

I know, some people’s kids.

Regardless, this was a pretty hot feud for the latter part of 1990 and a series of house show matches were immediately signed between Bossman and Rude to settle things.

Of course, there was one small problem. By November of 1990, Rude was injured, perhaps from taking too many inverted atomic drops, and unable to work those dates. Or, more terrifyingly to think about, perhaps because Big Bossman’s mama sat on him and broke his back, there’s no way to verify for 100% certain. But even though Rude was absolutely not going to be able to show up for his match, that sure didn’t stop Vince McMahon from continuing to advertise him at arenas around the country and doing pretty good business using his name.

Rude, who was never one to mince words, made it clear that he didn’t appreciate the WWF advertising his name and making money off him while he was injured, and then not paying him any of that money. So he told Vince (and I’m paraphrasing here because I wasn’t there) “Kindly stop using my name, my dear sir, or I will sit out the remainder of my contract and you can get lost.” Or words to that effect.

So Rude was gone and didn’t return until 1997, and thus Big Bossman no longer had opponents at the shows. But to explain his absence, senile old President Jack Tunney came up with the most ridiculous violation of one man’s freedom of expression since Abraham Lincoln got shot for criticizing the acting in a play. Yes, Jack Tunney, clearly channeling the communist country of Canada that he comes from, suspended Rick Rude for Bobby Heenan’s comments against Bossman’s mother. First of all, Rick Rude had nothing to do with those comments! Second of all, she never appeared on TV so there’s no proof that she WASN’T as ugly and fat as Bobby Heenan said she was. Third of all, many people are saying that Jack Tunney accepted bribes in his position and was corrupt, quite possibly paid off by Big Bossman’s mother if we’re putting all the pieces together here.

Hopefully he at least made sure to get paid in US dollars.

Moving back to the false advertising aspect, the shows with the Rude-Bossman matches were changed to advertising Bossman against Bobby Heenan instead, and then when fans got there, the match delivered was then Bossman against Haku most of the time.

So really, everyone was a loser. Bossman didn’t get revenge on Rick Rude like he wanted for whatever reason. Rude got injured and lost out on tons of house show money and couldn’t work for a year. The fans didn’t get the matches they paid to see. Bobby Heenan got censored by a corrupt old Canadian who was probably too senile to even sign his own name properly.

Look, if we’re being honest here, it’s probably not a surprise that Bossman ended up so bitter and took it out on Big Show’s dead father a decade later.

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