Divas Undressed 2002

Divas Undressed

Let it be known, before I write this article, that I have no qualms with women prancing around in undergarments as a form of entertainment. If that’s what folks want, and if the women themselves are willing to do that for some cold, hard, cash, then, in my book, everyone comes out a winner!

So it may shock some reading this that the latest and greatest WWE spectacle, Divas Undressed, is the latest target of WrestleCrap’s poison pen. On the surface, a one hour block of WWE’s white hot ladies showing off their goods sounds like a great idea. After all, who wouldn’t want to see Torrie Wilson in a swimsuit, or Stacy Keibler strutting around in a thong?

Things even looked like it might get better than advertised, as Jerry Lawler had a hidden camera in the Divas’ dressing rooms. He promised us ‘nekked women’ with his patented King TV, which he obviously purchased from a G-TV wholesaler.

Back on the main stage, the first category had the girls doing their little turn on the catwalk in teddies…

…and, as promised, it was indeed a hot time as Trish’s bra buddies looked desperate to escape her tight little outfit. Even The King’s tired one liners couldn’t diminish the fun as Trish Stratus came out in a revealing onesie.

Until, of course, Jazz attacked Trish and knocked her out of the competition. You can’t have a hot honey like Trish doing the J-O-B in a bogus beauty pageant, I guess.

The sole saving grace of the WWE Women’s Division and YOUR WWE Women’s Champion takes a stand against the horny happenings. She also notes that she does not, in fact, have a big ass.

Memo to Molly: We all know you don’t have a big ass. It’s just the morons who write this crap that think you do!

Next up was Uncle Jerry’s favorite competition, the Bra and Panties.

Again, everything was great, with the girls showing off their T&A (and I don’t mean Test and Albert). In particular, Dawn Marie was looking quite ravishing…

…to the point that her old boss, Paul Heyman, was snapping photos like a tourist at Disneyworld.

You know, maybe I was wrong about this. After all, you’ve got hot biscuits like Dawn, Stacy, and Torrie showing their thingies, all on free TV. What could possibly go wrong?


The return of Mae Young, as payback to Jerry Lawler for spying on the girls!

Mae struts down the catwalk as best a 90 year old can, throwing her falsies out to the (none too appreciative) crowd. She makes her way to the judges, and commences to humping away!

Oh dear GOD. I don’t know if anything could ever get that vision out of my head, but let’s hope that the final section, in which the gals get dressed up for Trick or Treating, can somehow restore my flailing libido.

Stacy in a school girl outfit? WOW! Now that is probably the only thing in the entire world that could bring us back from the brink of celibacy caused by Mae Young’s vaginal thrusts.

But what’s this? A late entry? Oh now come on…please tell me that Pat Patterson isn’t booking this thing.

Crap on a stick, he is!

Yes, ladies and germs, that is former American Gladiators star and current Billy & Chuck stylist Rico parading about as some kind of obscene peacock, complete with the required bra and panties.

Look for Nabisco’s Rico Nips on your grocer’s store shelves!

In the BS finish of the night, Torrie Wilson takes home the Golden Thong Award…

…which causes rightful winner Stacy to fly off the handle, claiming, and rightly so, that Torrie was sleeping with one of the judges (Maven). Torrie shoots back that at least she wasn’t sleeping with the boss, who is 60 years older than her.

So the truth comes out – Vince is really 86 years old. Who’d a thunk it?

The whole thing ends with a big catfight as the King serenades us with his horrific rendition of Miss America.

So the next time you think it would be neat to see a bunch of scantily clad WWE divas, ask yourself: is Mae Young around?

Jerry Lawler: “She’s very photogenic. I would like to take her in a dark room to see what develops!”

Lawler: “Look at her puppies, Michael! They look like two old tube socks with a prune at the end of them!”

Michael Cole: “I’m trying not to look! Stop the pain! Stop the pain!”

Jerry Lawler (singing to the tune of ‘Miss America’): “There she is…Miss Golden Thong…the dream of a million girls who are more than pretty…can come true in New York City…as long as they show their great big…There she is…”

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