Wrestlecrap Induction – Sgt. Slaughter’s Privates
Hello, and thank you for coming to this very special induction. Up until now, I have had trouble talking about the subject matter, because it had left me personally affected in a deep way and wasn’t sure how to approach it. Indeed, for the longest time, I thought the story would be too big to talk about, maybe even too long. Yes, of course I can only mean one thing: The story of Sgt. Slaughter and his Privates. Let’s do an in-depth examination of them.
Back in 1982, Sgt. Slaughter debuted in the Mid-Atlantic area and took North Carolina by storm. With his no-nonsense drill sergeant character, obviously forged from years of totally real experience in the totally real Marines, he shot to stardom and a run as the US champion. Given how much he lied about his military background I’m frankly shocked he was even from the US in the first place.
See what I’m saying?
Which leads me to wonder: Did GI Joe know about his duplicitous service record when they drafted him into their own fake army? Also, I’ve heard that G.I. Joe is the codename for America’s daring, highly trained, special mission force, and its purpose is to defend human freedom against COBRA, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world!! Why would they associate so closely with someone who used the “Cobra Clutch” and had people in his “Cobra Corps”? Seems like some pretty suspect HR work on their part.
But I digress.
Although Slaughter had a strong run as US champion for the first part of 1982, he soon ran into Wahoo McDaniel and lost his title, and when you start showing too much ass, there’s only one solution: Whip out your Privates.
In this case, Slaughter had been mentoring young Jim Nelson and dubbed him his first Private, inducting him into the Cobra Corps and teaming with him occasionally. A longtime prelim wrestler in the territory, Nelson got some fatigues and a smart buzz cut and was ready for action. After Nelson had been sufficiently brainwashed, Slaughter also inducted young Don Kernodle and introduced him as his second Private.
Pretty soon, wherever you saw Sgt. Slaughter, you were sure to see his Privates, standing at attention.
Indeed, things got bad for the babyfaces of the Mid-Atlantic region, as Slaughter had his Privates all over everyone’s business. In fact, from there the Privates only got bigger, winning the Mid-Atlantic tag team titles from Porkchop Cash and King Parsons, and helping Slaughter regain the US title. It was clear that fans were tired of having Slaughter’s Privates constantly shoved down their throat. Finally by August, they lost the tag team titles to Ricky Steamboat & Jay Youngblood, and Slaughter put his Privates away for a while.
Then, tragedy. In fall of 1982, Slaughter’s Privates were brutally torn apart, when Slaughter started teaming exclusively with former Private Don Kernodle and “won” the NWA World tag team titles “in Japan”. Clearly, one half of his Privates were being elevated well above the other. In fact, the situation eventually got so bad that his other Private, cut off from the team, turned red, and then all of his hair fell out!
You hate to see it.
Apparently Slaughter learned his lesson, because moving forward he only had one Private, at least that we ever saw, in the form of Terry Daniels. He was much shorter and stubbier than Slaughter’s other Privates, though, and never had their success.
It just goes to show, you just can’t push your Privates onto everyone all of the time.