Greenwich, CT – Local residents, panicked by a man dressed as a zombie was seen terrorizing people across town, were relieved to discover that it was actually just Vince McMahon.
The former WWE CEO was seen shambling around local businesses over the weekend, causing concern among citizens.
People reported seeing a decrepit Vince McMahon shuffling through Greenwich Point Park, trying to bite people at the Greenwich Farmers Market, and trying to find investors for his new business venture 14th & I at Love You A Latte.
“This crusty looking man get moaning “1…2…3…he got him! No, he didn’t!” said a frightened Amanda Mourdock.
“His hair had a weird grey streak. His eyebrows were jet black and his skin was all wiggly and badly tanned,” shrieked Barton Balomo.
“I thought it was the Crypt Keeper after some bad plastic surgery,” shuddered Mahmoud Jafari.
At one point, police were called and reported to the scene.
“We received a call yesterday afternoon of a costumed loiterer outside Raphael’s Bakery,” said Greenwich police spokesman Ian McMurphy. “Our officers engaged the person at about 9:15AM. At first they believed this was someone having a little Halloween fun. Upon further inspection, one of the officers noticed the suspect was wearing an old blue suit with a WWF patch on the front. He was holding an old timey microphone, grunting “What a maneuver!” while staring into space.”
Unfortunately, the scene quickly devolved into chaos.
“The officers explained that it was not a zombie, but was, in fact, Vince McMahon,” explained McMurphy. “That, uh, caused people to panic more.”
People are warned to be on the look-out for lecherous octogenarian speeding through neighborhoods in a luxury vehicle or a ‘ghoul’ asking for seed money.