Dallas, TX – Hangman Adam Page’s championship win this past weekend is being celebrated by fellow blood-drinkers all across the globe.
Page, who famously drank Swerve Strickland’s blood earlier this year, defeated Jon Moxley in a bloody battle at All In on Saturday. While wrestling fans were happy with the decision, vampires were ecstatic that a sanguinarian was champion.
“I haven’t been this happy since Gangrel challenged X-Pac for the WWF European title,” hissed Lestat.
“It would bring a tear to my eye, y’know, if vampires could cry,” said Countess Bathory.
“Bleh!” shouted Count Chocula.
“One! Two! Two championship runs! Ah-ah-ah” cheered Count von Count.
“He drinks blood and the fans still cheer him, from Pennsylvania all the way in Tucson, Arizonia!” said regular human bartender Jackie Daytona.
AEW officials are hopeful this new fanbase will help boost live attendance while also keeping down Page’s other new fanbase, arsonists.