Saint Paul, MN – This week fans learned the surprising method Rhea Ripley and Judgement Day used to convert Dominik Mysterio to their side.
Dominik’s turn shocked his father, former WWE Champion Rey Mysterio, and the WWE Universe at large. While many speculated how Judgement Day could turn son against dad, the answer was something none could guess.
“A little post-hypnotic suggestion thanks to Chili’s “Baby Back Ribs” song,” revealed Judgement Day member Rhea Ripley. “That’s what I’ve been whispering to him these past few weeks, slowly breaking down his will and replacing it with evil, saucy, meaty thoughts. Now he’s all ours!”
The classic restaurant jingle, made famous in the late 90’s, promised hungry customers ribs at an affordable price. Consisting of clanking bottles, the repeating phrase “I want my baby back, baby back, baby back,” and soulful harmonizing, the song is considered by many to be the catchiest commercial of all time.
“It was so easy,” cackled Ripley. “Just whispering a few lines of the song and he was eating out of my hands. Literally. It was kind of gross. I needed so many napkins.”
“That evil witch,” said an angry Rey Mysterio. “Her siren song is controlling my son. I’ve tried singing him the Kit Kat “Give Me A Break” song, but that didn’t work. The Oscar Mayer wiener jingle? Nothing. J G Wentworth 877 Cash Now? Nada. The 1-877-Kars 4 Kids song just made things worse. I don’t know where else to turn. I’ll do anything to get my baby back. Baby back. Ba- oh no!”
Judgement Day’s sway over Dominik appears to be unbreakable.
“I don’t even have to sing the song for it to be in your head,” laughed Ripley. “See? You’re thinking about it right now and I didn’t say a word. Dominik can’t resist my sweet, sticky words in his ear. We’ve turned him to our side. It’s like The Manchurian Candidate. Okay, it’s more like The Naked Gun, but you know what I mean.”
When asked about Ripley using the song from a Chili’s commercial to influence him, a blank Dominik Mysterio simply uttered, “Barbecue sauce.”