Headlies: Phantom Fan Joins The Firefly Fun House

6 Submitted by on Mon, 21 September 2020, 08:00


Snake Bight, FL – Bray Wyatt’s Firefly Fun House has grown by one with the addition of his newest friend, The Phantom Fan. The featureless Phantom Fan joins fellow Funhouse friends Ramblin’ Rabbit, Sister Abigail, Mercy, Huskus, and Wobbly Walrus.

“Yowie, wowie!” exclaimed Wyatt. “Phantom Fan, I haven’t seen you since Wrestlemania! Welcome to the Firefly Fun House! Now that you’ve show up, the fun can really begin.”

“YAY!” cheered the puppets.

“Maybe Phantom Fan has been here with us for longer than we’ve known,” said Wyatt in a sinister tone. “The arenas have sat empty for months, but Phantom Fan was always there. Filling the void. Calling out to each and every member of the WWE Universe. An avatar for their frustrations at a company that routinely ignores their wishes. A representative of a vastly dwindling audience that has given up on the thing they love because of bad booking, worse creative, and a general contempt for all things that make wrestling great.”

Ramblin’ Rabbit, Sister Abigail, and Mercy began to shake in terror.

“Phantom Fan is every single person who has become fed up and dismayed with the endless cycle of boring matches, ridiculous storylines, and horrible comedy. Each time an all-time low rating is reached, his power grows. Soon, he and The Fiend will be one, ready to send this world into oblivion.”

“I’m just kidding!” laughed Wyatt, the Fun House lights brightening. “We’ll just go to Saudi Arabia a few times and everything will be just swell!”

“YAY!” cheered the puppets.

“WWE is an essential business! Get back to work or you’re all fired!” yelled The Boss.

“Ouch!” giggled Wyatt. “Better do what The Boss says, guys, or else you’ll be fired during a global pandemic while the company makes record profits!”

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
6 Responses to "Headlies: Phantom Fan Joins The Firefly Fun House"
  1. JakeYager says:

    LMAO, what is this article?! XD

  2. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Did anyone feel the Firefly Fun House jumping over a shark the other week when Wobbly Walrus debuted? Another nail in WWe’s coffin…

  3. Chris says:

    Sadly, it seems to be the beginning of turning the Fiend in to a face to feud with Reigns.
    It didn’t take them long to ruin Wyatt again.
    He’ll end up another Kane (well, if he is lucky). I mean, Kane had a great career, but the switching from face to heel at random as needed, lacking creative direction, being stuck in stupid storylines.

    Monsters are never as interesting as faces.
    Kane went from ripping doors off He’ll in a Cell and trying to burn Undertaker alive, to gaining sympathy by speaking with a voice box.
    Man Kind went from a dangerous psychopath and getting up after being thrown off the top of Hell in a Cell, to acting like a cuddly teddy bear and trying to get Rock to like him.
    Mick Foley did make it work, but they humanized the character too. He wasn’t the sado-masochistic monster character anymore. He was basically a new character.

    Do we really want to see that with Bray Wyatt? Where he goes to the psychiatrist and tries to figure out why he allowed an extra-dimensional alter-ego composed of his frustration and hatred take control of him, and how he can turn his life around, and perhaps find love with Alexa?
    They hardly attempted to make the most out of him as a monster yet. It’s really a waste.

    • Thomas Moffatt says:

      Kamala can be placed amongst those, too, as can the Great Khali – he pretty much became a joke performer once he was turned face

    • Dr.Gonzo says:

      I think they’ve gone as far as they can with him. His promos are fine, if you like that kind of thing. But then he has to wrestle, and he’s just not good. He hasn’t been in one above average match in his career.

  4. Big Bad Booty Stepdaddy says:

    That’s good shit, pal!

    Anyway……..it’s another example of WWE not realizing what they have. Wyatt’s a lot like Cody Rhodes. Both have the wrestling business in their blood and can deliver the goods when given the chance. But WWE just wants to go the lazy route.

    They were content to keep Cody painted up as Stardust for the rest of his career just like Dustin as Goldust. Easy character to turn into action figures and other merch but nothing ore than that.
    That’s the territory the Fiend is getting into. Run the Firefly Funhouse into the ground and jut slap the Fiend likeness on toys and masks.

    I mean that’s fine if that’s all Wyatt wants. Some guys are content with WWE’s incompetence as long as the checks are good. .

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