Fans Cursed With Seven More Years Of Baron Corbin

Stamford, CT – Tragic news hit the WWE Universe last Sunday during the Money In The Bank Match as fans came to the horrifying realization that they would be stuck with Baron Corbin for seven more years.

The disturbing news followed after Corbin broke a mirror in the gym at Titan Tower during the event. In the mad dash for the Money In The Bank briefcase, Corbin recklessly threw a weight, shattering the mirror in the process. Fans at home joined Corbin, staring in abject horror at the unavoidable horror that is to come.

“Normally, breaking a mirror is seven years bad luck for whoever broke it, but this is WWE,” said fan Michael Perdue. “Those seven years are going to be passed off on to us. Seven more years of bad matches, boring interviews, and that stupid possum fur coat.”

“The mirror thing was bad, but did he really have to spill salt on a black cat while standing under a ladder and holding a cursed Pele volcanic rock? That was weird and unnecessary. Think about the ground that covers when talking about King Corbin,” said wrestling podcaster Edmund Higamaroshi.

“My therapist said King Corbin couldn’t hurt me because he wasn’t real. She was wrong,” said Cheri Blart. “2020 is the most cursed year.”

“Oh, great. The King Corbin-Elias feud continues,” said a depressed Elias.

“I picked the wrong seven years to stop sniffing glue,” lamented former air traffic controller Steve McCroskey.

Corbin dismissed his critics earlier today.

“What’s the big deal?” asked Corbin blandly. “I’ve come a long way since NXT. I’m a former WWE United States Champion and Money In The Bank Winner. I won the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal! Now I’m your King Of The Ring. You would all be lucky to have me for seven more years. Y’know, when I was on the Arizona Cardinals, Larry Fitzgerald once told me…” trailed off Corbin, falling asleep to his own promo.

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