Indianapolis, IN – Confused alternative music fans attended WWE’s inaugural edition of Wrestlepalooza this past Saturday to mixed reviews.
The premium live event, which was the first collaboration between WWE and ESPN, featured a stacked lineup of wrestlers. Unfortunately, the name of the event led some to believe it was a music festival like Lollapalooza.
“Man, I thought we were going to see like Olivia Rodrigo and Sabrina Carpenter, not Peacemaker versus Big Baby Cowboy dude,” said Emilia De La Cruz referring to John Cena versus Brock Lesnar.
“I can’t believe security took away my hacky sack and devil sticks,” complained her girlfriend, Jesse Flimpton.
“I wanted a refund, but they just had some guy name Nick Kahn call me,” said a disappointed Jaxon Boss. “I want to speak to Perry Farrell!”
While most concertgoers were disappointed with the event, some found a silver lining.
“Singing along to all the theme songs was kind of fun,” said Britt Spelling before humming Seth Rollins’s theme over and over and over again.
“Wrestlepalooza was cheaper than going to actual music festivals,” admitted Drake Bortles. “Slightly.”
WWE executives are hoping more confusion like Wrestlepalooza in the future leads to accidental ticket sales by renaming events “Moneyroo In The Bank”, “Worlds Cochellide” and “Great Balls Of Fyre Festival”.