WWF Raw – November 16th, 1998 – Rupp Arena – Lexington , KY
WWF Raw begins with a scene from last night’s Survivor Series where Shane McMahon flipped off Stone Cold rather than counting his pin. Not shown is the Bossman’s missed run-in, which required Gerald Brisco to ad-lib and hit Austin with a chair (weakly).
It’s the debut of a new WWF Raw theme—or rather, a different section of the old theme. This is the version they’ll use until the brand split in 2002, which is way too long a stretch for me to come up with a new mondegreen every week. Reach my wife in the box and Jean Lafitte! It’s time for WWF Raw!
“Shane and Mr. McMahon” are introduced as the owners of the WWF. One wonders what Shane’s honorific is if not mister. Shane’s dad Mister gets a chyron made entirely out of bottom text, then extols the virtues of kissing one’s boss’s ass and introduces The Rock.
Now dubbed the Corporate Champion, The Rock gets a mixed reaction; some fans cheer, most fans boo, and Jim Ross blasts him for butt-smooching. But Rocky doesn’t care what those pieces of trailer park trash and minimum wage candy-asses. Hard work, says The Rock, won’t earn you enough to buy a cup of something called “redneck coffee”.
Vince McMahon next seeks to explain how he managed to pull off last night’s swerve, but the Titantron instead shows live footage of Steve Austin entering the building. Vince doesn’t care much for that, but (as if the Austin shot was shown prematurely) he moves on and narrates the correct footage from the past few weeks: the reinstatement of Austin, the backstage “attack” on The Rock, and a still of Rocky putting Mankind in the Sharpshooter.
Now it’s time for the three-count-not-heard-round-the-world-because-Shane-didn’t-complete-it-and-gave-Austin-the-finger-instead. But Shane is interrupted by Steve Austin’s entrance, which takes the corporate crew by surprise despite them knowing Stone Cold was coming.
Austin closes some plot holes re: Shane signing Austin to a new contract while conspiring against him. Stone Cold’s new contract prevents him from beating up his boss unless physically provoked (a clause somehow absent in his previous contract), but it also guarantees him a title shot the night after Survivor Series as announced by Shane McMahon two weeks ago. Vince says he overruled that decision by sticking Austin in the Deadly Game tournament, but Stone Cold and Judge Mills Lane find otherwise.
About twenty-five minutes into WWF Raw comes the first match of the night, which sees X-Pac and the New Age Outlaws face the Oddities. Last night, X-Pac suffered an injury scare, Jim Ross says, but he’s fine now.
This match end in under three minutes when Shaggy 2 Dope of the ICP jumps off the top rope onto Golga. “That made no sense!” complains JR after Billy Gunn picks up pieces and pins the masked man.
While Jerry Lawler calls the ICP, “evil clowns”, Violent J pleads his case to the Oddities. “He thought he was the other guy”, he swears. Meanwhile, the Headbangers put the boots to the Road Dogg until X-Pac and Billy Gunn chase them up the ramp.
Backstage, Mankind wanders in the boiler room yelling at Vince (who doesn’t seem to be in the boiler room at the moment).
The new D-X football jersey (number 69) is available for just $39.99 (plus $9 shipping and handling). John Philip Sousa’s “Washington Post March” plays in the background.
When WWF Raw returns, Vince assigns Pat Patterson to intercept Mankind. “And just remember,” advises Vince. “He’s gullible”, using a word not found in the dictionary.
Ken Shamrock comes the the ring with the Intercontinental belt to talk to the audience. He got screwed last night, he says, so tonight he’s challenging the Bossman (whose nightstick The Rock used on Ken). He’ll even put the IC title on the line.
Val Venis, who faces Mark Henry, comes to the ring and makes a Kentucky Derby joke about riding bareback. Regarding Mark Henry’s lawsuit, Lawler encourages Chyna to settle like Paula Jones. Well, speak of the devil, and Chyna shall appear, distracting Mark from the ramp. Mizark is all smiles before and after being rolled up by Val Venis for the 1-2-3.
After the match, Mark Henry offers to drop the lawsuit in exchange for one dinner date with Chyna. He then shares a poem.
Pat Patterson returns to Vince’s office and tells the boss he couldn’t find the boiler room. “You couldn’t find your ass!” Vince yells in disgust. But Gerald Brisco speaks up, claiming to know where it is. Mr. McMahon misunderstands. “He’s sitting on it! Is that what you mean?”
“No sir, the boiler room”, clarifies Brisco, who gets the nod to seek out Mankind.
Goldust and Steve Blackman now face Jeff Jarrett and the Blue Blazer. Accompanying the heel team is Debra McMichael, who Jim Ross implies made a fortune from her divorce, and who Jerry Lawler implies has hard nipples. The match is over before you know it; as Goldust and Jarrett brawl on the outside, Blackman pump-kicks Blazer and pins him.
Blackman then tries to unmask the Blue Blazer, who never even took off his cape. Before he can reveal the not-so-secret identity, Jeff Jarrett intervenes, as does Owen Hart, who it turns out isn’t the guy under the mask. Jarrett, Owen, and the Blazer triple-team Blackman, culminating in a dragon sleeper/kick to the groin combo.
Back in Mr. McMahon’s hangout, Gerald Brisco reports that he didn’t enter the boiler room because there were “some weird noises”. This prompts Commissioner Slaughter to call him a wuss. But the weird noises, protests Brisco weakly.
WWF Raw returns with cameras once again in the corporate dressing room. This time, it’s Slaughter making excuses. “Who’s the wuss now, Slaughter?” asks Brisco. An annoyed Mr. McMahon sends all three stooges back to retrieve Mankind.
The Man’s Man Steve Regal, who last night wrestled X-Pac to a countout, then inexplicably chased after him when Vince tried to restart the match, is out next. “Stephen Regal” [sic] faces The Godfather, who is accompanied by his hos. But, as his Mama is watching, Jim Ross declines to comment on the ladies. Well, he eventually does so after two of them moon Regal, commenting that one of them doesn’t seem to be wearing underwear.
In response to the repeated moonings, and a 3-for-1 deal, Regal takes “the broads”. But as Steven walks away with his merchandise, a surprised Godfather quotes Archie Bunker: “England ain’t nothin’ but a place full of f*gs!” His honor besmirched, Regal comes back to ringside and dukes it out with the Godfather until referees pull them away.
Outside the arena, Kane beats up a technician outside the production trucks.
In McMahon Land, Shane and Mister give Bossman a pep talk. His match with Ken Shamrock is next.
The WWF Rewind, sponsored by Glover for the N64, is Shane McMahon’s non-three-count for Stone Cold.
Ken Shamrock now faces the Bossman, who brings his nightstick into the ring and drops it on the apron. Referee Mike Chioda, in an astounding piece of officiating, picks up the nightstick off the apron and drops it two feet away in the corner. Ken Shamrock, clever fellow that he is, immediately picks it up off the mat anyway! “I hope that thing’s made of chocolate”, says Jim Ross, speaking for all of us, “because Bossman may be eating it”. Alas, the referee yanks the stick away, allowing Bossman to cheap-shot Shamrock. Chioda then hands the weapon off to a ringside attendance.
Later, Shamrock crotches Bossman across the top rope, then hits an early Disaster Kick. As the designated babyface, Ken gets cheered against the Bossman until both men simultaneously hit Mike Chioda, at which point they both get cheered. Naturally, though, the referee calls for the bell. With the match ruled a double-DQ, both men continue to brawl in the ring until officials separate them.
Then come the big guns: Mr. and Shane McMahon. “What the hell are you doing?” asks Vince, sounding more disappointed than angry. Mr. McMahon gets sensitive, offering Ken the family he never had growing up. Both he and Ken grew up in broken homes, McMahon says, so he understands. Shamrock shakes hands with Vince and Bossman to become the latest member of the McMahonosphere.
WWF Raw returns with a shot of Kane wandering outside. A bunch of extremely stupid fans approach him asking for autographs. One fan doesn’t get the autograph, but he does get choked by the Big Red Machine (The other fans get neither). Immediately, a police car turns on its siren, and Kane walks away.
Gangrel and Edge, who “lead a rather gothic lifestyle”, face the Legion of Doom (Animal and Droz). Jerry Lawler wonders whether they should be called, “the New Legion of Doom” (like the New Blackjacks, New Rockers, New Midnight Express, and many other sh*tty teams). The Brood controls the beginning of the match, with Edge stepping off Gangrel’s back onto Droz. Drozdov then shifts the momentum of the match by catching Edge with a powerslam, at which point the match falls apart.
Hawk wanders onto the stage and begins climbing the Titantron, distracting the LOD, who abandon the match to investigate. The team gets counted out as Hawk reaches the top of the big screen.
After the break, Animal pleads with Hawk to come down (gradually). Hawk, though, says he wants to go down in glory, and also that “he’s misleading you”, apparently referring to Droz. Their former manager Paul Ellering then joins the intervention to tell him how much he and his family care about Hawk. “Shut up!” says Hawk. “Go to hell!”
Hawk isn’t done yet. Despite him not having a microphone, cameras pick up Hawk blaming Paul, Animal, “and that stinky Droz!” As Animal grabs the mic and addresses Hawk as “Mike”, the stinky Droz climbs up the Titantron himself. “Keep him away from me”, shouts Hawk, who in this agitated state is sensitive to smell.
Turns out, Hawk is right—not necessarily about Droz being stinky, but about keeping him away nonetheless—as Droz pretty clearly pushes Hawk off the Tron. Well, I guess he’s dead.
WWF Raw returns to a funereal atmosphere as Jim Ross, in hushed tones, blames Droz in the most tactful and legally ambiguous way he knows. “I hate to speculate that it was an intentional shove”, says JR, speculating that it was an intentional shove. Hey, anything to prevent a suicide.
In the parking garage, a concerned Paul Ellering and the DOA watch an ambulance take Hawk’s body away. Not saying it’s his dead body, I’m just reporting facts.
“Well, you can’t grieve forever”, says Jerry Lawler as Sable comes to the ring. “The show must go on. The new Women’s champion dedicates her title to the fans who made her, but Shane McMahon takes exception. The fans? She should dedicate it to his Pops! But Sable screeches that she got where she is through hard work. “Nobody gave me anything!”, says Sable, much to Shane’s amusement.
Jim Ross gives us an update on Hawk’s breathing (Hawk is breathing), then hypes the main event as WWF Raw takes a commercial break.
The Playstation Slam of the Week, presented by MediEvil, is The Rock’s post-match assault on Mankind after last night’s St. Louis Screwjob.
In the boiler room, the stooges appear in the boiler room dressed in University of Kentucky football gear. “Mick, we love you”, says Pat Patterson, hoping to lure out Mankind. Foley doesn’t buy it, savaging all three men in the very dark room.
After an additional commercial break, WWF Raw returns with Vince and his corporate team coming to the ring. McMahon is deeply disappointed in Steve Austin and his legal wrangling. But tonight really is Steve Austin’s last title shot. Really.
The Corporate Champion now enters, but rather than “Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?, Jim Ross asks, “Can you see whose butt he’s kissing?” Personally, I would have kept it as “smell”.
Steve Austin storms the ring and lays a good punching on The Rock until the champion retreats. Undeterred, Austin follows him outside, roughs him up more, and throws him back in the ring. Rock kicks out of a second-rope elbow drop and puts the boots to Austin before taking the fight to the outside.
The two fight in the crowd and in front of the announce desk as Earl Hebner pleads for them to get back in the ring. Considering they’ve been outside for way more than ten seconds, you’d expect Vince to order a countout and screw Austin again, but no.
Back inside the ring, Rock bodyslams Austin and hits the Corporate Elbow but doesn’t attempt a pinfall. After all, it’s just a stupid elbow drop. Instead, Rocky slaps on a chinlock, which Austin briefly escapes. Mankind shows up and brawls with Bossman before losing the numbers game, at which point Austin breaks out of the chinlock for real, and (after some false starts) hits Rock with the Stunner. Shamrock pulls Hebner out of the ring to prevent a three-count, which, along with a shot to Austin with a shovel by Undertaker, leads to a disqualification.
“Has The Undertaker joined this corporate team as well?” asks Jim Ross, who will be proven correct in six months.
Earl Hebner, who has gum on his shoe, checks on Austin as The Rock retreats with his WWF title belt.
Final tally:
1 JR’s Mama (Year total: 12)