(RIP NELSON FRAZIER: 1971 – 2014)
Nelson Frazier has worn many hats during his years with World Wrestling Entertainment. Well, he only ever really wore one hat, which was a crown, but he had a number of gimmicks (rapper, clown, king, cult member) before evolving into Barry White’s younger, scarier brother.
|Viscera’s road to suave sex-godhood began in 2004, when he was brought back, along with fellow Ministry of Darkness member Gangrel, as one of JBL’s hired guns to take out The Undertaker. Gangrel quickly disappeared, but Big Vis stuck around long enough to be another champion’s goon. This time, it was Women’s Champion Trish Stratus who needed Viscera to destroy Kane, who was at the time enjoying marital bliss with his prisoner-wife, Lita.|
|Trish may not have had JBL’s money, but she did have –ahem– other highly-prized assets that Mr. Layfield lacked.|
|Vis and Trish went out on a date to hash out the details of their business arrangement. Viscera arrived late, of course, after making a trip to the drug store. Those are condoms, folks. For sex!|
|Trish, on the other hand, was less than thrilled at the prospect of riding Space Mountain (which is far more appropriate a nickname for Nelson Frazier’s parts than Ric Flair’s; after all, the Disney ride is pitch black). In fact, she suggested handing over Christie Hemme as a rape-offering to appease the big man. Soooo…|
|Yeah I don’t know either, dude.|
|On a lighter note, Viscera gave this comparatively cute line about his name.|
|An unconscious Christie Hemme was soon taken off the table (figuratively speaking), and Trish gave Vis an “advance” on his post-match “payment.”|
|That Sunday, however, Viscera came up short against Kane and got berated by Trish for his trouble. Fortunately, he shook her violently and squashed her, parlaying the Diva’s hospitalization into a run as a babyface.|
|Trish might not have been up for the dark journey, but Viscera set his sights on another blonde: ring announcer Lilian Garcia. Sure, Lilian might have been hesitant to hook up with a 500-pound man who crushed his last love interest (intentionally), but Vis’s approach was so smooth, the aspiring pop star couldn’t resist. This tortilla chip kiss would make a perfect scene for The Lady & The Tramp 2.
|Around this time, Vis took on the moniker of “World’s Largest Love Machine,” sporting a smoking jacket during his entrances…|
|…and thrusting and gyrating his way into the hearts (among other body parts) of ladies like Lilian.|
|Viscera’s sexual appetite soon began influencing his in-ring style, as he adopted a signature move that would make Heidenreich blush. Its name: Vis-agra.|
|Forget Mark Henry. Just look at what Vis is doing to poor Simon Dean’s Hershey highway and tell me he doesn’t merit the name, “Sexual Chocolate.”|
|Now who on Earth thought this move was a good idea?|
|Yeah, I don’t kn– Wait, Dean Malenko? Please tell me that wasn’t one of your 1000 holds!|
|Vis’s devastating dry-humping finisher somehow made it into the WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2007 video game, which was rated Teen. For comparison, the Mature-rated Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas got recalled over its own clothed (but well-hidden) depiction of consensual sex.|
|At Vengeance, Viscera’s bachelor days nearly came to an end when, during an unannounced fifteen-minute segment on pay-per-view (complete with a song so sappy it made “Tell Me a Lie” sound like “Whole Lotta Love”), Lilian dropped down to one knee and popped the question.|
|After all, what woman wouldn’t want to spend the rest of her life with this guy?|
|Just when it looked like Vis was going to settle down with Lilian, The Godfather crashed the party and dissuaded the big man from getting hitched. Really, though, Lilian should have seen this coming.|
|A heartbroken Lilian then declared her hatred for The Godfather. You and Peter Griffin, both!|
|Vis, now a free agent, started wrestling in silk pajamas, some of which brought back fond memories of Men on a Mission days. In fact, WWE even paired Viscera up with a new partner, perhaps trying to recreate the fun times he’d had with Mo.
|That partner happened to be his new midget sidekick, who lasted one night. Somehow, the mini-Viscera named after a combination anus/urethra didn’t catch on. And you thought a wrestler named, “Cheex” was bad!|
|Viscera and Lilian García crossed paths once again the following year when an overzealous Charlie Haas accidentally knocked the announcer off the ring apron.|
|This kicked off a love triangle, with both men vying for Lilian’s affections before she begged them to stop fighting and just be friends with her. Haas would have none of it, gouging Viscera’s eye, leaving the man named for innards nothing but a giant, one-eyed organ.|
|In his temporary blindness, Vis picked up Lilian by mistake and, not being able to tell her silky-smooth legs from Charlie Haas’s, Samoan-dropped her.|
|So how did the big man react to the embarrassing discovery that he couldn’t tell his ex-lover’s body and screams from a heavyweight wrestler’s? He had a hearty laugh with Haas and joined forces with his rival, teaming up based on their mutual disinterest in Lilian García’s friendship.|
Fans were once again seeing the dark underbelly of Viscera, but that was nothing compared to the literal underbelly they’d be subjected to once Vis traded in his PJs for traditional ring attire as “Big Daddy V.”
Remember what the Road Warriors said about their bodies? Looking at Nelson’s well-cushioned physique for the first time, it was fair to say that The World’s Largest Love Machine was their complete opposite.