Hillbilly Jim – The Lost Tape

Hillbilly Jim Lost Tape

Vince McMahon loves hillbillies. Maybe it was his upbringing in the south. Maybe he has an affinity for Chess Pie. Maybe he digs hanging out at thte local Cracker Barrel. Whatever it is, there is a rarely a time in the WWF when fans are not inundated with hoedowns, critters, and talk of vittles.

During the big wrestling boom of the mid 80’s, Vince & Co. introduced us to his latest Kentuckian, Hillbilly Jim. Jim came out of the audience to save Hulk Hogan from a beating, and in return, Hogan trained Jim to be a bona fide pro rassler. In order to give us some background on the fan favorite from Mudlick, KY, the WWF filmed a vignette which was shown to fans nationwide on their syndicated TV shows.

This footage was then supposedly “lost” for several years, only to resurface on the WWF’s Mega Matches video, dated 1992. Geez, you wouldn’t think that Hillbilly Jim, who works for WWF video, had anything to do with it suddenly reappearing, do you?

Anyhoo, here we are with the hillbillies at their humble home…

And there’s our man, out choppin’ some wood for the far.

He invites us in to meet his granny, who just so happens to be watching WWF television at the time.

Apparently, the announcing team of Bruno Sammartino and Vince McMahon is too much to handle, and granny starts a-swiggin’ from her moonshine jug.

If you’ve ever heard Bruno and Vince do play by play, you certainly can’t blame her for that.

Jim tries to curb his granny’s rampant alcoholism by croonin’ to her. He sings her a love song that will, in fact, cause you to weep.

(Not tears of sadness, mind you…)

Cue a close up of the family dog, where the poor pooch seems to be crying for the Old Yeller treatment.

After successfully sedating his granny, Jim takes us back to his room where he trained himself to be a grappler. He starts by taking off his shirt…

And then showing us how he got so big and strong, by bearhugging an old tire.

Since Weider muscle building supplements is sponsoring No Way Out, maybe the WWF could get Michelin to sponsor their next PPV.

He then shows us his pride and joy, an old stained mattress where he’d practice his rasslin’ moves.

We learn that he started doing terrible elbow drops and knee drops at a very young age.

He then whispers to us that he has a secret, and it concerns his dog.

I don’t think I want to know this.

He claims that he used to WRESTLE his dog.

Take a look to your left. Does that look like wrestling to you? Does it sound like it?

Are you thinking that we just found out why the mattress is stained?

This all wraps up with granny chastising Jim for molesting his dog. They then invite us to stay for dinner.

Thanks, but no.

Hillbilly Jim would go on to be a mainstay in the WWF, eventually bringing in an Uncle and several cousins.

And yes, we will be covering all of them in due time.

Hillbilly Jim croons: “Well when, we kissed goodbye and parted/I knew we’d never meet again…”

Hillbilly Jim: “I get this dog like this…*sexual groaning*…I pull back his leg and…*more groaning*”

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