I’ve had a migraine for nearly a week straight. It’s been super weird, and as you much imagine, made even the simplest of tasks nearly impossible. So if you’re asking for what reason I’ve decided to do a SQUASH of the Week featuring Dino Bravo, all I can suggest is possible brain damage. You see, my friend Casey and I used to play a little game where we tried to come up with the worst wrestler of all time, and it worked like this: could you name ONE thing that you found interesting, amusing, or engaging about the personality in question. For instance, he’d suggest Billy Jack Haynes, and I’d note that his dorky hat and the fact he had OREGON stitched to his backside made me laugh. I’d counter with Bastion Booger and he’d start singing his theme song and howl uproariously. You know who never got a defense of any sort?
Yep, Canada’s strongest man.
And honestly, the closest thing we EVER got to giving him a pass of any sort was the fact that his manager Frenchy Martin used to bring a sign to ringside proclaiming that “USA IS NOT OK.” However, we decided that was more a positive for FRENCHY, not for Dino. When you’re getting upstaged by Frency Martin, I’m sorry, but it’s probably time to pack it up and head home.
So let’s see what Dino brings to the table in this match up vs. one Frank Valdez. So we get some punches and some chops and an Irish Whip. Dino then goes running at his foe and leaps into the air for a clothesline, nearly tossing himself into the turnbuckle in the process. Honestly? That may be the single best spot I’ve seen in ANY Dino Bravo match.
Valdez takes the offensive with a couple of dropkicks but is immediately cut off with a reverse atomic drop. Sadly, Valdez doesn’t sell it like Rick Rude. Dino then hits a body slam and an elbow drop before pausing to admire his handiwork as we get an insert promo. Because I’m nice, I won’t make you listen to it like I did.
He then tosses Valdez out of the ring, then wanders around the ring doing absolutely nothing for nearly a minute. Like seriously dude, go get the guy and do SOMETHING would ya?
At long last the poor schmoe wanders back into the ring as Bravo somehow botches a kick. He hits his epic finisher where he picks the guy up on his side and falls down with him as my headache only grows worse. Yep, Dino Bravo truly was the worst ever.