The Barbarian Earns His Antlers With a Mighty SQUASH!

Always love it when folks post links to potential SQUASH of the Weeks in the comments section, and last week Matthew J did so with a Barbarian showcase match. I was ready to do that one today, but then I noticed it was lacking something. Namely, giant antlers.

Y’all remember this, right? That mystical period after he was a Power of Pain but before he was a Headshrinkers (or for that matter a Face of Fear)? When one day, just out of the blue, he started wearing a big fur coat and honest to goodness HORNS on top of his head? I am pretty sure outside of Bobby “The Brain” Heenan telling us he ripped them off some rando animal walking by, we never were told WHY he started doing this. And honestly, that may be for the best, as I cannot fathom any explanation being better than whatever is bouncing around your imagination right now.

His foe for this contest would be former Young Stallion Jim Powers, who runs down to the ring like his fanny is on fire. I mean dude, you’re heading down to the face the Barbarian. In what universe do you think this is going to go well for you?

But Powers is nothing if not game, playing a little game of cat and mouse to presumably wear the big guy out.

Answer: it won’t.

And indeed Barbarian takes over and immediately starts beating the life out of powers with repeated shots to the ribs following a ridiculous attempt at a flying cross body block.

Undeterred, Powers next tries a sunset flip followed by about 47 arm wringers in a row. I think I’ve seen salt water taffy machines twist and turn less.

An Irish whip to the rope leads to a kick to the gut that is so hard it makes Barbie’s hand hurt. I’m not sure the how and why of such a thing, but I ain’t arguing with Sione, are you?

Some fist drops come next, but these aren’t of the flying variety, no no. This instead is the big guy just punching a guy as he’s laying on the mat. Seriously, he lifts his fist high to the heavens and then WHAM DOWN. It’s equal parts completely beautiful and ridiculously absurd.

Saving the best for last, as Powers makes a final stand with a series of clotheslines which have Barbarian staggered. Alas, the young man tries one too many and so Barbarian just lifts his leg up…kicks his head off. Now that kids is a FINISHER. And a SQUASH of the Week!

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