Don Callis Hasn’t Shut Up in 25 Years…And We Prove It With SQUASH of the Week!

The art of managing is something of a lost art, but maybe, just possibly, is on its way back. We have the greatness of Paul Heyman on display in WWE – his role as the “Wise Man” is something that always makes me laugh. Dude has always been great, but this is on another level. And over in AEW, we have another guy who has taken it to another level in the form of Don Callis. Be that with his stupid shoes or his ridiculous “theme” that is just the droning of a single note that somehow sounds out of tune – how is that even possible? IT’S ONE NOTE! Regardless Callis has been at this forever as we are proving in this week’s SQUASH!

During a 1999 run in the WWF, he was known as The Jackyl and managed the likes of Kurrgan. Now this guy was a BIG dude – nearly a legit seven feet tall and pretty jacked to boot. He’d left the Oddities and was now Jackyl’s goon on hire.

His foe this evening would be one Lance Jade. I was maybe thinking this was Lance CADE, but I don’t believe that’s the case. Maybe I’m wrong. I’m sure one of you eggheads will fill us in on just who this guy is in the comments below.

So the match begins with Lance looking to throw a punch and Kurrgan catching it in his hand. You may be asking why I put forth effort into making this an animated GIF and didn’t use that bandwidth (or honestly, my own time) to show something better here. The answer would be that this is pretty much the best thing to happen in the beginning of this match. Yowtch.

As the match is going on, our old friend Don lowers with a platform from the ceiling and begins going on and on as the beating in the ring continues. It’s actually a pretty interesting visual as he explains that there is now a generation being formed of, and I am just quoting here, “JACKYLYTES.”

Don yaps and yaps about this that and the other and how he is upset with WWF management. Also, apparently Kurrgan “has a pituitary gland the size of a cantelope that is pumping out growth hormone as we speak!” Don’t believe me? Listen for yourself.

Finally, Kurrgan unleashes his finisher – THE PARALYZER. Apparently Don is under legal threats to have Kurrgan release the hold as “bodies have started to disappear.” Ummmm what???

Don decides to avoid a lawsuit and pulls Kurrgan away. So yeah, Don’s always been a scumbag. On the plus side, Kurrgan was able to escape his grasp and flee to Hollywood of all places, where he battled none other than…

…Robert Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes! That’s a really fun movie if you’ve never seen it. And it doesn’t have Don Callis in it, which is also a plus!

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