The Creatures

The Creatures

You know, Halloween just hasn’t been the same since the demise of WCW. You could always count on the boys down south to come up with something memorable for the annual Halloween Havoc pay-per-view. Not always memorable for the right reasons but hey, what would Wrestlecrap be like without some of Uncle Eric’s goodies from the past?

Let’s all go back to Halloween Havoc 1991 shall we. Amongst the nightmarish visions of Count Bischoff and the equally offensive Chamber of Horrors, there was a bit of mystery in the air. You see,WCW was set to unleash a new tag team, the mysterious Creatures.

Who could they be? Perhaps a roided out, monstrous duo ready to reek havoc and make people forget about the recently departed Road Warriors? After enduring a year full of Oz, Black Scorpions, and Johnny B.Badd you had to think WCW could produce a winner just once.

The Creatures’ apparent victims that night would be everybody’s favorite bumbling hick Big Josh, and the man who would make wrestling fans question the First Amendment’s right to free speech, the (C)Rapmaster himself, P.N.News. A squash victory for the creepy newcomers seemed certain.

As fans tuned into the preshow, waiting for the event to begin,things started to stink. As Jim Ross reviewed the upcoming card,we would see a still shot of the Creatures. Sadly, they didn’t appear to be like either the Road Warriors or modern day warriors. In fact they weren’t even modern. The Creatures were naked, hairy, prehistoric cavemen.Yikes!!!

Thankfully for the sake of mankind there would be no dual hairy dong sightings that night. The Creatures that would walk to the ring were clothed and looked just your average chubby Parts Unknown jobbers. They were not just any jobbers though. Under the masks were future JOTW candidate “Jumpin” Joey Maggs and everyone’s second favorite member of the Rich clan, Johnny Rich.

The bell rang to start the match and as the live audience headed straight to the restrooms or concession stands. The folks watching at home would be subjected to a match that could only be described as a safe, drug-free, non habit-forming cure for insomnia. After about five minutes of nonstop…ummm…”action”, News hit the broken record to get the sloppy pinfall victory. After a quick stop off to the losers side of the paywindow (which was manned, no doubt, by Dusty Rhodes), the Creatures departed, presumably returning to the Black Lagoon from whence they came.

You know in hindsight, maybe naked stone-age wrestling man-apes wouldn’t have been that bad.

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