George Wells

George Wells

Well, we are now a little over two weeks away from the big one. The event twenty years in the making, Wrestlemania XX. As the WWE takes it final steps toward the historic pay-per-view, it is only appropriate that we here at Wrestlecrap pay tribute to the men who spent their fleeting moments on the biggest stage of them all staring up at the lights. Yes, Wrestlemania’s all time jobbers. This week’s Jobber Of The Week, coming in at number three on the all-time list, is the infamous George

Coming out from New Mexico State an accomplished athlete in both football and wrestling, Mr. Wells would make his first impression in the sports world by joining the Canadian Football League. Playing defensive end for the Hamilton Tiger-Cats and the Saskatchewan Rough Riders, George would actually receive All-pro honors twice in a career that spanned nine years. However, like many jocks before and after him, he would be lured into the world of wrestling. George, while still in the CFL, would begin his pro wrestling career in in football offseason of 74. He would begin his journeyman’s tour of the world in the Northern California NWA territory, followed up by a stint in the Canadian Stampede area. By the time George finally hung up the football cletes in 1980, he appeared to have his career on the right track, even adding the old version of the NWA U. S. title to his resume. But the good times wouldn’t last long.

After doing his by now patented federation bounce to the Mid-Atlantic and Georgia areas in the early eighties, George would make a stop off in Bill Watts’ Mid-South area. Things were going midcard as usual for George until one day Watts’ world took a turn for the worse. Bill’s most popular star, the Junkyard Dog, would be snatched up by Vinnie Mac in the beginning phase of his plan for worldwide domination. Watts, who was well known for always wanting to have a strong African-American wrestler for the fans to cheer, would try to find a replacement for the JYD. Enter George to the rescue. Rechristened “Master G”, he would immediately be inserted into JYD’s feud with Butch Reed.

Fans immediately forgot about JYD and fell in love with the “G-ster” right? Well, if Wrestlecrap has taught you anything, its that forced down your throat imitations 99.9% of the time bomb like Cheetum in the midst of a obsessive compulsive Fourth Of July huhrah. As well as not having the charisma of JYD, George also had one more problem. Yes, the dreaded “D” word kind of problem: yes, the dreaded “personal demons”. Sometimes due to them, George would show up late or sometimes not at all. In no time, Watts would realise what was going on and soon, Master G would be reduced to jobber status. His career would never fully recover.

By early 1985, George would drop the Master G name and enter the WWF. Despite being a legit athlete, in the big time George did absolutely nothing productive. One notable thing to mention is that he was the first tag-team partner that Bret Hart would have in the WWF. Alas, they would go down in defeat at the hands of the Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff at Madison Square Garden. His WWF career would sputter on, losing the bulk of his matches and not receiving a single push. As if this all weren’t bad enough, his biggest moment of infamy was just around the corner.

On April 7th, 1986, at the Nassau Coliseum in Uniondale, New York, George would get a chance to shine. Despite a godawful win-loss record, he would be picked to face WWF newcomer Jake “The Snake” Roberts on the undercard of Wrestlemania 2. In retrospect, there were more “demons” in New York that night than there will be at Lucifer, Satan, and Mephisto’s hell-warming party for Sadaam Hussein. As usual, George would start off strong. He would even dominate the first three minutes of the match.

Alas, then came the token Wells collapse. A thumb to the eye, and then a DDT and it was all she wrote, and it would be time for Jake to introduce the worldwide audience to his snake Damien. He would wrap his slimy pal all over poor George and that’s when the unthinkable happened.

As Damien wrapped himself around Well’s neck, George would put on a display that could only be described as looking like a cross between Princess Penelope taking a shot in the mouth from the Wildman, mixed with a lactose intolerant overdosing on milk. It is, to my knowledge, the first and only oral excretion of pure bile in the historyof wrestling. Thanks for the pleasant visual memories George.

After his Wrestlemania yakfest, he would go on to form highly unsuccessful teams with the likes of Lanny Poffo, SD Jones, and the legendary King Of Job himself, Michael Saxton. By the summer of 86 George, along with the rest of his unseen bile would disappear from the WWF unnoticed.

A quick stint in World Class would follow. Now sporting blonde hair and known as “Master Gee”, it didn’t take him long get on bad terms with people. He would soon be fired for refusing to job to 161 lb. Mike Von Erich. He has completely fallen off the face, and hasn’t been seen since.

Wherever you and your weak stomach are now George, whatever you’re doing now buddy, on behalf of Wrestlecrappers everywhere, I have a complimentary bottlle of Lactaid with your name on it so you never have another one of those incidents again.

Come back next week as we continue our all-time Wrestlemania jobber countdown with our number two inductee, who ironically is the man who in the entire history of wrestling, perhaps most closely resembles a stinky pile of warm “number two.”

Discuss This Crap!