Before I made my selection on who would be the first ever Wrestlecrap Jobber Of The Week, I had to be sure my candidate had the right qualifications, so I pulled out my handy guidebook “Requirements To Be A Preliminary Wrestler In The 80’s-WWF Version.” Lets see here…
Has never won more than one match in his lifetime? Check.
Physique that resembles that of your overweight, middle-aged, alcoholic uncle? Check.
Old faded tights which appear to be one size too small? Check.
Wears boots which in no way what so ever remotely matches the color of the aforementioned tights? Check.
Optional 70’s porn star mustache? Check.
Looks like we have a winner. The pride and joy of Columbus, Ohio himself Frank Williams is our Jobber of the Week. Frank had been a fairly forgettable jobber for years, having laid down for many WWF greats from Ernie Ladd to Hulk Hogan himself. Hell,in April of 1976 he even fought Ric Flair in Madison Square Garden. However one fateful day in 1984 would propel Frank into immortality.
Somehow he ended up on Piper’s Pit, where Frank would showcase his mic skills that would make Andre The Giant look like the captain of the Harvard debate team. After a series of insults, Roddy Piper suggested Frank should take up a new career making pizzas. Furious at the verbal slam (he’d quit Domino’s years earlier), Frank slapped the mic out of Piper’s hand. What would ensue was a talk show beatdown the likes of which would not be seen again till the birth of the Jerry Springer Show some 10 years later.
Despite this brush with greatness, Frank’s career just kind of sputtered along. On weekly shows like the WWF’s Championship Wrestling, he continued to be on his back more than most female porn stars of that era. Sadly in 1991,the one thing Frank Williams never lacked in the ring would be his demise in real life: he would pass away due to heart problems.
He was gone, but his legacy of mediocrity would live on. Surely in that big ring in the sky, Frank is up there smiling down at us, knowing he’ll always be remembered.
That is, if he isn’t too busy getting squashed by Andre the Giant and Big John Studd.