Arthur “Mr.” Washington


You know, nowadays it is sometimes damned near impossible to find a good employee. Work ethic and pride in your job has gone out the proverbial window. A quick memo to all you business owners and bosses out there – pay your hard-workers well and cherish your “Employee of The Month.” Why after all, you could have it much worse. You could have this joker working for you. Without any further ado, I present you Wrestlecrappers with the most lethargic, unproductive employee in the history of the modern workforce – Mr. Arthur Washington.

It was the summer of 1987 and The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase had recently made his debut in the WWF. He was scheduled for a match on Wrestling Challenge against jobber Chris Curtis. DiBiase, knowing the prospect of that sounded as fun as having a root canal during a hangover, decided he was going to take the night off. He didn’t want to work up a sweat facing a mere “preliminary bum,” he said. Enter Mr.Washington. DiBiase would offer him $5000 cash to do his dirty work and wrestle for him. Judging by his physique, it appeared that the local Dunkin’ Donuts was about to be $5000 richer later that evening. It also appeared the lucky fans were gonna be treated to a equal match of two jobbers going head to head, right?

You couldn’t be more wrong. It was a complete squash, the likes of which equaled anything Goldberg would do during his undefeated streak in the 90’s. Curtis turned into a man possessed. He would, and I quote Gorilla Monsoon, “Pearl Harbor” Washington before the bell even rang, thus beginning a sixty second match of torture and stiff shots aside the head of our pathetic “jobber-for-hire.” Washington wouldn’t even get one offensive move in before Curtis finished him off with a Earth-shaking backbreaker over the knee.

After the match DiBiase, obviously feeling that he didn’t get his $5000 worth, would imitate his favorite evil pimp from the movie “Shaft” and bitch-slap the living hell out of Washington.Then after Virgil joined in on the fun with some boots to the head, DiBiase would retrieve his money from the trunks of our fallen jobber. No all you can eat jelly-filled pastries for you tonight Arthur. You blew it.

Washington obviously learned his lesson and would disappear from the WWF to try his hand at another profession, certainly leaving this work experience off his resume. DiBiase on the other hand, would go on to show he learned nothing from this botched hiring job,as years later he would put together a stable of wrestlers that would include Nikolai Volkoff, Kama-the Ultimate Fighting Machine, and Tatanka. YIKES!!!

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