Two weeks ago, I inducted the worst War Games match ever, featuring the Ultimate Warrior and friends doing everything they possibly could to completely destroy what was one of wrestling’s truly legendary matches. At the end of that article, I noted that in two weeks I would induct the follow up to that fiasco, Warrior vs. Hogan II. What I failed to realize when I made that promise was that it would wind up posting on Thanksgiving. Well, for us Americans at least.
Long story short, I have opted to push that induction back a week instead of posting something that most folks would flat out miss. But don’t you fret – I have something arguably even better, and if not superior, well, at least more in spirit with the holiday at hand. After all, what could get you more in the mood to gulp down turkey than the Macy’s Day Thanksgiving Parade…featuring the Superstars of the World Wrestling Federation!
Really. This is something that happened. And I didn’t even know of it prior to the latest Purple Stuff Podcast where they made note of it. So thankee, Jay and Matt, and fellow Crappers, give it a listen.
For those unfamiliar with it, the annual Macy’s Day spectacular is the largest and darn near oldest parade in the entire world, nearly 100 years old at this point. Every year the streets of New York are lined up with floats, balloons, and celebrities. So while the idea of the WWF being involved isn’t to be entirely unexpected, I dunno…to me it still kinda is.
Maybe it’s something where I can buy a 40′ balloon of Barney the Dinosaur, but Vince McMahon’s crew waving to folks on the street not so much.
But hey, it happened. And there’s Barney looming over the float, looking like he’s ready to devour it.
Upon closer inspection, one may wonder why the WWF would have a float with baseballs and footballs flanking it. The reason for this is rather simple – it’s not a WWF float at all. Instead, it’s a float for the New York Daily News. So if you are wondering why a hockey mask wearing Jason is hanging out with your favorite WWF Superstar, the answer would be that he is actually The Slammer, who did a wrestling column for the paper at the time.
No idea why there are random children hanging out. Guessing maybe they were the newspaper staff’s kids or something. That or they won (or perhaps lost) a contest of some sort.
But hey, I for one am kinda glad it’s not an officially sanctioned WWF float. If it were, I sincerely doubt we’d have gotten Davey Boy Smith shucking and jiving next to a giant apple. The only thing missing here is Howard Finkel identifying it as such.
But no, we didn’t get the Fink. Instead we get MUSIC!
In this case, it’s a 10 second loop of the WrestleMania theme. AKA, Linda McMahon’s theme. AKA, the dirt worst music you ever did hear. I don’t know how long that parade route is, but I would have gone quite literally insane having to listen to it nonstop the whole time I was on that float.
Which may well have been the case with Paul Bearer and Doink, who were looking to have the absolute time of their lives together, slapping each other on the back and hugging and all that jazz. Seriously, had this clip gone any longer, I wouldn’t have been shocked to see them making out. One can only surmise that Paul had filled the urn to the brim with vodka.
I also love the fact that Dink is almost completely obscured by a novelty baseball bat.
I mean, I’d have loved it more if the kid in the red hat had beaten him with a real baseball bat, but I guess that wouldn’t have been in the spirit of the holiday.
Speaking of the spirit of the holiday, here’s the Undertaker!
I’m not saying that Undertaker didn’t look like he was having a good time but…well, I have no way to finish this sentence. Maybe Paul and Doink coulda shared their booze with the poor guy.
In hindsight, it’s really too bad there were so few guys on that float. Imagine if the WWF had really gone full bore, bringing in all the geeks they had on the roster at that time. This was after all the era of the NEW GENERATION! This seems to be a wasted opportunity.
Not having the Gobbeldy Gooker goes without saying, but imagine Duke “the Dumpster” Droese throwing garbage to the kids on the street as Sparky Plugg drives the float recklessly down 34th. Rick “The Model” Martel spraying folks with Arrogance…while simultaneously telling them they could buy it at the makeup counter at Macy’s. The Mountie screaming at people that Thanksgiving was weeks ago! Luke and Butch licking Al Roker’s head!
Ok, maybe we should instead be thankful of the things that didn’t happen!