Hey, have you seen the latest way TNA is pissing away money down at the Impact Zone these days? No? Then allow us here at the Crap to introduce you to him:
That’s Stomper. We’ve been told by upper TNA management that this wacky zany funster is a kangaroo, but we’re not quite so sure. We think he may be part rabbit. Or maybe a rat. To be honest, we don’t know what he is – aside from a doofus in what is unquestionably the chinsiest costume in Orlando.
And consider, for a moment, the ground that covers.
To be sure, when I first saw Stomper, I thought the exact same thing you did: must induct immediately. But what with that silly rule I made up years ago that disallows any character or storyline to be inducted within the calendar year it originates, I can’t do that. So Stomper, it seems, remains in the free and clear. (For another seven months, thirteen days, three hours, and 39 minutes, that is.)
Now I know…almost all sports mascots suck. I don’t know who thought it would be a great idea to dress a guy up like a badger and have lead cheers, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that some type of narcotics were likely also involved. I mean, seriously, you’ve got stupid looking stuff all over the sports world. For example, there’s this whatever the hell it is from Kansas State:
And what appears to be a cigarette butt (complete with dildo nose) from Witchita State:
And, of course, the famous 1996 Olympic Mascot (and what is generally agreed upon as the single worst mascot in history), Izzy:
Compared to crap like that, Stomper almost seems normal. And to be fair to Jeff, Dixie, and the folks at Panda, it’s not like they’re the first ones on the block to have a mascot at a wrestling show, as the rumor is that the WWF’s original plan was for the Gobbeldy Gooker to be their official mascot to lure in the kiddies. Of course, we all know how that turned out (hint: the prize we hand out each year for the worst character or angle of the year is the “Gooker Award”).
While everyone knows of the Gooker, some of you might not recall WCW’s foray into the mascot world.
Say hello to Wild Cat Willie:
Get it? Wild Cat Willie?
His initials were WCW!
I can just imagine the meeting in Atlanta when this idea hatched, with everyone all smiles and patting each other on the back like they’d just discovered the cure for cancer.
Yes, children, that was the official mascot for World Championship Wrestling from 1995 until 1999. The idea, of course, was to get fans at house shows revved up for the matches. Sadly, Willie soon became the most hated character at live events, being booed and having beverages thrown at him.
Seeing this, those in charge knew difficult changes needed to be made.
Did they kill Willie off? No, no, silly – this is WCW we’re talking about.
And they did something even better:
THEY REDESIGNED WILLIE’S COSTUME!
If you ever wanted to know just how much money WCW was throwing out the window for absolutely NO REASON during 1999-2001, I advise you to take a look at the picture above. They PAID MONEY TO HAVE WILDCAT WILLIE REDESIGNED.
And they didn’t even have the good sense to rename him Wolfman Willie or something. See, because then his initials wouldn’t be WCW. Shame.
Eventually, the catcalls and beer bottles became too much, and Willie was given the Ol’ Yeller treatment in late 1999.