|With the departure of Hulk Hogan after the first King of the Ring pay-per-view, the World Wrestling Federation was looking to go in a fresh direction and introduce “brand new” wrestling superstars that had either already been in the business or with the company for quite awhile but had taken a backseat to Hulk and the more, *ahem*, “muscley” characters, shall we say. |
One of the best feuds out of the WWF from this time was the feud of two skilled grapplers where even if you were smart to the business, you could almost believe it was true simply because the promos back and forth became so heated and personal.
No, it isn’t Tatanka (Buffalo!) Vs. everyone’s most hated Finnish environmentalist, Ludvig Borga! Though that was pretty good too, considering both of them had been screwed by the good old U-S-A. BUT, I guess stealing your people’s land is more tolerable than littering on the highway. Iron Eyes Cody would heel turn on Tatanka (Buffalo – or as I liked to call him as he got fatter, Buffalo Wings) here.
OF COURSE I’m talking about Bret “Hitman” Hart Vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler, in determining who was the REAL “King of the WWF” after Lawler had joined the company and Bret had won the King of the Ring tournament.
Lawler was always known for his quick wit and great promos in Memphis as a super babyface but as a heel in the WWF, the young fans were not familiar with his time as Memphis’s top wrestling star. To get him over quickly with the dominantly pro-Bret crowd, he was given his own talk show segment similar to Piper’s Pit called “The King’s Court”. You know the deal, smother the heel with praise and ridicule the babyface until you beat him up. However, one guest on the King’s Court…well, frankly made me scratch my head.
|Upon being introduced to the crowd, Jerry is immediately interrupted by thunderous chants of “BURGER KING!” |
I have to admit, as goofy and unwitty as this chant is now, I enjoyed yelling it with the thousand other WWF marks at the arena and thinking that we’d all REALLY hurt his feelings and broken his spirit.
Those were fun times, guys.
|Wait a minute…is that Jameson? I think it is! |
I can almost hear him now: “I was the co-host of The Bobby Heenan Show, but now I’m just sitting with everyone else, wearing a cardboard Burger King crown.”
Oh how the mediocre have risen.
|Lawler says he has a very special guest this week. The mind reels at the possibilities. |
Money INC, maybe? Great tag team.
Bam Bam Bigelow? He and Bret wrestled a very fine match at KOTR.
Giant Gonzalez? Please God, no.
“One of the greatest singers ever!” proclaims the King.
Ok, now I’m really curious. Mean Gene Okerlund? Alas, no Mean Gene The Dancing Machine.
Instead, our guest this week is none other than the world-famous….
Or should that be Tiny Tim?
Yes, I know that sight gag was lame.
But then again, so is Monday Night Raw featuring TINY TIM.
|For those of you who don’t know, Tiny Tim was a popular singer/ukulele player known for his very high singing voice and most famous for marrying his wife Miss Vickie on The Tonight Show in 1969. |
They would later divorce, unfortunately not with Johnny overseeing the proceedings.
Too bad – I bet Johnny could have given Tim sage advice on that subject.
(Note from RD: Kelly, with your knowledge of both Tiny Tim AND Johnny Carson’s marital affairs, I have to guess you are at least 60 years old.)
|Did Tiny Tim happen to be in the neighborhood and Kevin Dunn dragged him into the Manhattan Center and threw him out there? Cause seriously, I have NO IDEA why he is here. He comes out to his version of “Tiptoe Thru the Tulips”. |
The fans who are about my age at the time, 11 and under, have absolutely NO idea who this scary ghoul of a man with the ukulele is.
But Vince? This may have been the most excited Vince has EVER been.
And consider the ground THAT covers.
|The interview is as you expect. Lawler bashes Tim for being a goof, and Tim has zero response. It’s like no one clued the poor guy in as to what was going to happen or something. |
Lawler pads out the time by asking him about his Mickey Mouse suit.
|It still doesn’t top the Mayor’s anchor suit from Jaws.|
|Jerry asks Tim to sing a little of “Tiptoe Thru the Tulips” but Tim just gets a high-pitched Judy Tenuta-like OHHHH out before Lawler steals the mic away. |
I doubt this is what WWF wanted me to say/think, but THANK YOU JERRY LAWLER.
|The segment is sinking into quicksand as the crowd thunderously chants, “WE WANT BRET! NOT THIS OLD GUY WE DON’T KNOW!” Lawler asks Tim what they’re chanting and Tim says he can’t hear a thing. |
This just might be worse than Jesse interviewing “Prince” on the TNT show.
|Lawler then asks Tim about marrying Miss Vicki and more importantly, if she has a little sister Tim can hook him up with. I kid, I kid. He actually gets a good line in by asking if Tim and Miss Vicki had to flip a coin to decide which one would wear the wedding dress. |
Dammit, Lawler used to have good material.
(Note from RD: That’s probably when he was writing it himself!)
|He complains to Tim about the fans calling him “The Burger King”. Yes, Jerry, it hurts you doesn’t it? DOESN’T IT??!! Sorry, the 11 year old mark in me still rears her little head from time to time. |
Tim assures Lawler he most definitely is NOT The Burger King.
He’s THE DAIRY QUEEN!!
Aw naw he di-iiiint.
|GODDAMN DAIRY QUEEN!!!!!!!!!! |
Yeah, I prefer Carvel, too.
|Lawler is none too pleased as a “Dairy Queen” chant erupts from the crowd and Randy Savage joins in on commentary (Macho Man, you rule :)). |
He responds by smashing Tiny Tim’s prized ukulele like Bluto in Animal House as the crowd is in apathy, asking themselves why they should care.
|Tim does a dramatic Madame Butterfly operatic crying routine, pounding the ground asking aloud, “COLONEL KLINK, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME??!!” as Vince yells in horror “HIS CHERISHED UKULELE HAS BEEN DESTROYED!!! HIS HEART IS BROKEN!!”|
Aaaand the segment mercifully comes to an end.
Holy shnikes that was awful!
Like the “Prince” interview, it didn’t lead to any angles. It was just a head scratching time waster and to make ya hate Lawler more. Personally, that made me like him a lot better. Probably shouldn’t bring out a “big star” that the 12 year olds in the crowd have to ask their grandparents about.
But hey, WWE learned from this. After all, the upcoming hosts for Raw include Bob Barker, Danny DeVito, MC Hammer…
Oh wait. Maybe they didn’t.
Too bad Tiny Tim’s no longer with us.
(Note from RD: Tiny Tim is dead?)
(Note from Blade: I didn’t even know he was sick!)
Jerry Lawler: “This week, I would love to say I’m going to introduce one of the greatest singers of all time. I’d love to be able to say that. Unfortunately, this week I’m going to introduce Tiny Tim.”
Vince McMahon: “ALLLRIGHT!! LET’S HEAR IT FOR TINY TIM!!!”
Jerry Lawler: “I’m going to see if I can get the world famous Tiny Tim on the King’s Court.”
Bobby Heenan: “Who dresses this joker? Central casting?”
Lawler: “Look at this – can you get a shot of how he’s dressed, these clothes? You know what, I’ve got an idea for you. You could start a newspaper column. They could call it ‘Dear Shabby.'”
Tiny Tim: “They can call it whatever they want, I’m so happy with it.”
Lawler: “I want you to do just a few bars of that song you made famous all over the world, ‘Tiptoe through the Tulips.'”
Tiny Tim: “Ooohhh…”
Lawler: “That’s enough right there.”
Lawler: “You, Tiny Tim, you don’t think I’m a Burger King, do you?”
Tiny Tim: “You’re no Burger King!”
Lawler: “You heard that didn’t you, New York? This is a man from New York, and he knows I’m not a Burger King.”
Tim: “You’re no Burger King – You’re the DAIRY QUEEN!”
Lawler: “What did you say?!”
Tim: “You’re the Dairy Queen!”
Vince McMahon: “Awww, come on! That’s his cherished ukulele! Tiny Tim is distraught! He’s picking up the pieces! You broke his heart! You broke his heart!”