The Ultimate Giant

The Ultimate Giant

With the Big Show departing from the WWE this week siting numerous injuries and wear and tear to his body, it will allow his fans to always remember him at his best, and not as a guy who stayed past his prime, losing some dignity in the process. I only wish the same could be said for the original giant in the WWE, Andre The Giant.

It was the September of 1989, and wanting a big name feud with the then-red hot Ultimate Warrior, the WWE placed Andre into what would be the last singles feud of his career. Sadly, he didn’t break out the afro for a vintage farewell tour-type look. Instead, he opted for this look…

Holy destrucity, Hellwig!!!! With facepaint resembling that of something a 10 year-old Del Wilkes would’ve drawn on himself before attending a Fourth of July parade, Bobby “The Brain” Heenan proclaimed this was not the same ol’ giant you were used to, no sir. This here was the new and improved, Ultimate Giant. Sadly this gimmick, which premiered during an interview on the Brother Love show, was not a simple one-off gag meant for a quick laugh. Andre became a full-time, face painted buffoon. However, by this time Andre’s health had deteriorated so much, that pretty much all the encounters with the Ultimate Warrior on the house show circuit were full-blown, under three minute squash victories for Jimmy-boy.

Hmmm…I think Tully just might be stoned up there

The battle between “destrucity” and “giantrucity,” would reach it’s final chapter at Survivor Series 1989. Intoxicated from drinking the Warrior Kool-Aid, the 7’4″, 500 lb. Parts Unknown wannabe stated that his team of the Brainbusters and Haku, led by Heenan, were to be called “the Ultimate Family.” Yeah, sure they were all good wrestlers, but were they really the ultimate family? I think JR Ewing might debate that claim.

Afterall, JR and his clan were a powerful family, producing lots of valuable Texas oil. The Heenan Family, judging by all four members expanding waistlines, were only passing massive amounts of unwanted gas by this point.

Thankfully, the loss to Warrior’s team at Survivor Series signaled the end of the Ultimate Giant. Andre went on to salvage a little bit of respect on his way out, by achieving a brief tag-team title run with Haku, before calling it a career in 1990.

So to all you Big Show fans, don’t be sad at his somewhat early exit. At least you never had to see him stoop so low that he imitated his contemporaries. Well, come to think of it, Show actually did that.

He also was an accessory to Mummy sodomy, drove monster trucks on rooftops, rode caskets through graveyards, and had a tendency to shit himself, amongst other yet to be inducted antics. Hell, it’s no wonder why Paul Wight’s back is shot. For the last decade, he’s been the supporting backbone of Wrestlecrap!!

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