The Rock is in 3D…and Now YOU Can Own Him, Thanks to Etsy!

Not sure if you’ve noticed, but THE ROCK IS BACK! And apparently we’re either supposed to be really happy about that or very angry about it, either in real life or in some wacky angle or shoot or something. I dunno. What I do know is there’s arguably no better way to celebrate The Great One’s return than by buying some 3D printed models of him from Etsy!

Ah yes, Etsy, that strange monster of a site that allows simple folks like you and me (and yes, I have an Etsy shop rightchere) to make whatever junk we know how to make and sell it to folks all over the world wide interwebs. Merge that capability with the ever-growing realm of 3D printing and it’s like a match made in heaven. Or out of a late 1980s horror film, not sure which. After all, where else could you find the following fantastical items?

Let’s say you wanted to have Rock as an alligator? No wait, that’s a crocodile. And by that I mean ROCKODILE – buy him here!

Not only that, you can get him printed in one of approximately 937 different colors. Not sure about you, but the thought of getting Rockodile in RAINBOW SOFT SERVE has me whipping my credit card out right darn now.

Maybe you’d like ol’ Dwayne as a bit less menacing animal? No worries, 3DworkLab has you covered with him morphed into a cute little frog. And by “cute”, I of course mean “horrifying.” Not only that, the thing apparently GLOWS IN THE DARK. You know what I want to see when I wake up in the middle of the night? Pretty much anything but that thing.

One of my favorite things is that Etsy encourages its sellers to post videos of their products. What a world we live in where we get the this rainbow metallic ROCK LOBSTER spinning on our screens any time we want. I almost think if you buy one of these, you daggum sure better have a spinny display with a spotlight on it.

Ever wanted to see what it would look like if Rock and Nintendo’s Kirby had a baby? Me neither! But hey, if you know some weirdo that has that there particular fetish, Rockin3dPrints gots ya covered. And if you’re hankering for a different Nintendo character…

…here’s Rock as Pickachu too.

Or perhaps you have Pikachu and are more of an Eevee guy? Right here you go. Gotta catch ’em all you know!

Maybe you’re a Spongebob fan? Here’s this lovely model, dubbed by its creator as “Patrick Star x The Rock: 3D Printed Meme Masterpiece for Spongebob Fans“. I never want to tell folks on Etsy how to run their business, but dude, don’t overcomplicate things. “ROCK STAR” was right there.

Rock as a tank? COVERED!

Rock as a rocking chair? NO PROBLEM.

Rocky Ducky you’re the one? I mean, that color is kinda hideous, but you can get him in black, blue, copper, gold, grey, orange, green, pink, red, white, yellow, silver, brown, purple, or marble if you’d prefer. Thinking if I wanted to impress my friends he’d be gold all the way, baby.

I know we are just past Christmas, but it’s never too early to start thinking about decorating for next year. Thumpity thump thump thumpity thump thump look at Rocky go!

Buy or buy not. There is no buy. I dunno, it started a lot better in my head. Regardless, here he is as Yoda. Or maybe it’s Grogu. Possibly Yaddle. I’m not the only one that remembers Yaddle, right? I really hope I am, but somehow I doubt it.

Maybe you don’t want him just sitting on a shelf, maybe you’d like to shove him into your shoes? I’ve got some great news for you – ROCK CROCS are finally here! Sure, they look more like you dropped some Milk Duds on your feet, but work with me here!

Want to have Dwayne vomit toothpaste all over the place? Just grab your tube of Crest and pop this sucker on there. Your kids will LOVE (or more likely be completely baffled by) it!

As I continue to look at the absurd amount of these items on Etsy, I’m not sure what’s crazier – that this is just the tip of the iceberg on this stuff, or the fact that you could own EVERY SINGLE ITEM on here for just a bit over $100. Not $100 each – $100 TOTAL! What a world we live in, am I right?

To wrap this all up, a lot of folks have called Rocky a snake for “stealing” Cody’s WrestleMania main event. Now we have physical evidence that he is such a low life. Apparently this not only makes him evil, but also very tired. Good night, sleepy snake Rock. I think I’ll join you, all this shopping has worn me out.

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