The Machines

The Machines

Many people look back fondly at the mid 80’s WWF, recalling the glory days of Hulk Hogan, the wild antics of Roddy Piper, and the athleticism of the British Bulldogs. Yes, nostalgia has a way of making everything look better than it really was.

You see, not everything the WWF did in the mid 80’s was golden. Not only was there a fiasco by the name of Outback Jack (who we will get to in due process), there was also a trio of terror known as The Machines. Super Machine, Big Machine, and Giant Machine debuted in 1986, shortly after Andre the Giant had been “suspended” from the WWF.

Supposedly imported from the Orient, it was obvious these guys had never spent any time at the dojo, as they all looked very familiar, one in particular. You see, the Giant Machine (wink wink, nudge nudge) was 7’4″ tall, and weighed 500 pounds. And yet still WWF commentators were left scratching their heads as to who it might be!

It was all a great and utter cluster and made absolutely no sense. In fact, it made even less sense when Andre…oops, I mean Giant Machine, completely disappeared from WWF telecasts and house shows. He may have been hurt or renegotiating his contract, but as was custom at the time, the WWF did their best to keep the fans in the dark. Giant Machine was replaced on the house show circuit by Hulk Machine and Piper Machine (and no, you don’t need me to tell you who they were either).

All of this idiocy was short-lived. Andre resurfaced later to challenge Hulk Hogan for the WWF title at Wrestlemania III. Super Machine went on to become Demolition Ax. And Big Machine went back to being Blackjack Mulligan.

Piper Machine and Hulk Machine remain unaccounted for.

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