If there’s one thing I never, ever want to hear again, it would be “what is your pro wrestling Mount Rushmore?”
What a stupid question.
Trying to nail down the four best wrestlers in the history of man is a fool’s errand. And is that even the question? Are they the BEST wrestlers? My FAVORITE wrestlers? The wrestlers who meant the most to the business? The wrestlers who most resembled old US presidents?
Dumb dumb dumb.
Still, that’s something we, as wrestling fans, love to dissect. I don’t know why we feel the need to categorize and rank, but it seems almost to be an innate need to anyone who enjoys this crazy pseudo sport. And it’s honestly not just those who follow pro wrestling, but those in the business love to pick their favorite stars and matches too.
After all, who could forget when Stone Cold Steve Austin asked the woman who would soon become known worldwide as Cameron her favorite match?
Ahhh you delightful, delightful, oh so wonderful girl.
How I love you.
I mean, I love Steve Austin more for his amazing reaction, but you know, you’re pretty ok too.
Here’s the thing: I remember this clip from the old Tough Enough show like it was yesterday, but oddly enough, I’ve never actually watched this reportedly amazing bout. Time to remedy that post haste.
I mean, if it’s good enough to be a Funkadactyl’s favorite match ever, it has to be good, right?
So the showdown between Alicia Fox and Melina, which at least one person on planet earth has called the greatest match ever, took place on Raw shortly before SummerSlam in 2011. It opened with the two women sizing each other up, but it wasn’t long before Alicia hurked Melina up, showcasing her power.
She also showcased her forehead in a major way as well.
I know we’ve all kinda questioned what on earth is going on with Sasha Banks over the years, but Alicia is right up there with her if you want to make receding hairline jokes.
I mean, I won’t since I am completely bald, but if you want to be a jerk and skull shame folks, have at it.
The nonstop action continues with Alicia showing off her technical prowess by biel throwing her foe across the ring using the hair. Sources have told this reporter that particular move automatically gains 1/2* to any match Dave Meltzer reviews!
Finally Melina has had enough and starts throwing some admittedly pretty vicious looking forearm shivers to the back of Alicia’s noggin. This brutality causes Ms. Fox to…I dunno.
Kinda looks like she’s gonna pee her pants or something.
To be fair, though, if some half crazy woman started punching me in the back of the head I’d probably want to run for the can too.
Eventually, Melina decides she’s had enough and rolls Foxy outside the ring. She follows her to the outside, looking to press her advantage, but is quickly taken down by a pretty sloppy clothesline.
At that point, it settles down into pretty much every single WWE Divas match you ever saw – some punching, some kicking, and not a whole heck of a lot else. Don’t get me wrong – these girls aren’t Eva Marie level bad or anything, but that also means they aren’t Eva Marie level entertaining either.
I mean, I’m not the only one that misses All Red Everything am I?
I can’t be, right?
Back to this match, Alicia catches Melina and puts her in a good old fashioned bear hug! Somewhere, I have no doubt Ted Arcidi, wearing his Pony sneakers, looked on proudly.
And probably wondered if Melina’s boobs were going to pop open.
Before such a tragedy could occur, Melina lets forth a grating, ear piercing, insanely annoying scream. Seriously, as I was working on this induction Mrs. Deal came running in and asked what that awful noise was. I showed her my screen.
She shook her head and left.
That happens more often than you’d think when I am working on stuff for the site.
But hey, your loss Mrs. D!
After all, you missed THIS!!
Sure, I have zero idea what it was supposed to be, but had you just stuck around for like five more seconds, you too could have been baffled at the ending of this encounter!
Going out on a limb saying this, but pretty sure this was NOT the best women’s wrestling match I’ve ever seen. Probably not even the best women’s wrestling match I’ve seen today, and I don’t recall watching any other ones.
But hey – everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Which begs the question…and one which no less than Steve Austin himself asked…