The Godwinns

The Godwinns

I don’t know how many different ways I can say it, but the mid 90’s WWF sucked. I mean, it REALLY sucked. Aside from Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels doing **** matches with everybody, the rest of the federation was mired in a state of idiocy, complete with bad matches and stupid gimmicks that no one cared about.

The tag team situation was especially dire, with tandems like the Bodydonnas, the Headbangers, the New Rockers, and the Smokin’ Gunns stinking up arenas around the country. Of course, a horrible tag team divison wouldn’t be complete without a HILLBILLY faction, so of course, Vince gladly obliged.

A bit of backstory, here. The first Godwinn was actually a heel pig farmer from Arkansas named Henry O. Godwinn. That’s right, a HEEL PIG FARMER named H.O.G.. His gimmick was that he would get heat by throwing slop from his pig feeding bucket onto federation babyfaces.

As if I ever need to go on again about WHY the mid 90’s WWF sucked, right?

So Henry O. floundered around the midcard with other forgettable flops like Kwang the Ninja and Sparky Plugg, so the WWF decided to change things up a bit and turned Hank face, bringing Hillbilly Jim out of the mothballs as his manager.

Then someone had the great idea that three hillbillies would be even better than two, and brought in Henry’s cousin (or brother or whatever inbred relative he was), Phineas I. Godwinn.

That’s right, P.I.G..

They’d dance about the ring like a couple of goofballs, and put on horrible gimmick matches like this Arkansas Hog Pen Match, against our old pal Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

So if you ever wonder why Triple H is getting such a big push (and Lord knows I do), a lot of it may have to do with the fact that he did whatever the WWF said, even wallowing around in the mud with a bunch of pigs.

The Godwinns, meanwhile, were rewarded as well, with several WWF tag title reigns. Eventually, they turned heel and replaced Hillbilly Jim with yet ANOTHER hillbilly by the name of Uncle Cletus, known better as “Dirty White Boy” Tony Anthony.

So what are the Godwinns doing today? Well, Hillbilly Jim is doing PR for the WWF’s home video division. Henry wound up with a broken neck thanks to the Legion of Doom, and hasn’t really been heard from since. Phineas has bounced from bad gimmick to bad gimmick, most notably as Mideon and Naked Man. Uncle Cletus is probably best remembered as future WrestleCrapper (literally) TL Hopper, the Wrestling Plumber.

So you have a streaker and a plumber. Suddenly, that hillbilly shtick doesn’t seem too bad!

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