During the covid lockdown, WWE got pretty darn weird. Case in point: Randy Orton’s feud with Bray Wyatt.
Following the shocking events of the Firefly Inferno Match at the Thunderdome, little girl Alexa Bliss set out to resurrect The Fiend…
…and help me cram as many future WrestleCrap inductees as possible into a single sentence.
After much black vomit, the Fiend returned to this mortal plane.
A sootier, meltier Fiend.
Randy Orton should have been relieved that his murder charges could now be downgraded to attempted murder. But that silver lining was nothing compared to the dark cloud now hanging over Orton: a final showdown at WrestleMania.
Although this was WWE’s first event for a live audience in over a year, Randy Orton’s entrance was fairly typical, with no spermatozoan serpents or anything.
Bray Wyatt’s on the other hand, was full of mystery and magic. Using his dark powers, the Fiend reverted to his previous clothes and mask…
…a feat called, “changing” that normally requires a dressing room. The Fiend did it in a magic tunnel — but not the entrance tunnel. No, before Bray could appear live, he’d have to put us through some more, deeply uncomfortable bulls**t.
First, the 29-year-old Alexa Bliss skipped down the ramp dressed as a kindergartener, a kids’ TV theme playing.
Then, Little Miss Bliss cranked a giant jack-in-the-box like something out of Babes in Toyland or that one Nabokov novel.
Out from the box sprang Wyatt, who jumped onto Orton below.
For the next six minutes, the two men would battle in submarine lighting. Appropriate, as this match never should have seen the light of day.
The Fiend slowly wore down Randy, who had no response to Bray’s offense. Even when Wyatt took 45 seconds to pose for a close-up and do that upside-down crap, Randy was helpless.
When Orton escaped to the outside, the Fiend followed him. When he slammed the Fiend onto the announce table, the Fiend popped right back up and slapped on the mandible claw. Nothing could stop The Fiend…
…except a rope break. See, although their previous match had revolved around fire and ended in death, their rematch was contested under standard rules. And the Fiend hadn’t manifested himself back into existence just to get DQ’ed.
Now it was Orton’s time for methodical offense…
…DDTing the Fiend every time he stuck his head through the ropes. Randy did this three times…
…though Bray really should have learned his lesson after DDT #1.
Along the way, Randy then slammed Bray’s head into the giant box. Or, as Michael Cole called it, the “box-like structure”…
…which remained on the floor-like surface.
But when Orton attempted an RKO, the undead Fiend countered with another mandible claw, one the referee couldn’t ask him to release.
All that was left to do was Sister Abigail. But then a funny thing happened. At least I got a good chuckle out of it:
Alexa Bliss, missing since the match began, emerged from the box (-like structure) dressed in black…
…reaching out to Bray as liquid poured down her face.
For the fans in attendance, who hadn’t seen a live wrestling match in twelve months…
…this warranted a chant of “Holy s***!” And they were half-right.
Likewise, the Fiend, who had defied all known chemical and biological laws just to get to WrestleMania…
…who knew firsthand the mysteries of the afterlife…
…was so captivated by Leaky Alexa that he forgot where he was.
As he reached out to Bliss, Orton turned him around, sunk him with an RKO, and pinned him 1-2-3.
After the match, Alexa stared at the Fiend, and the Fiend stared at Alexa.
Alexa remained stoic, while the Fiend…
…well, no one knew how he was feeling, ’cause of the mask.
So what was Alexa trying to do? Cost Bray the match? Summon some more spooky magic?
We never found out. The lights went out, the crowd booed, and The Fiend was never seen again.
Given how the match ended, what other option was there? How does a wrestler come back from the dead, only to lose in six minutes on a distraction finish?
RIP Windham “Bray Wyatt” Rotunda, who passed away shortly after the publication of this article.