The early 90’s were not a good time for WCW.
The departure of Ric Flair, the reign of Bill Watts, and a bunch of horrible gimmicks such as Oz and PN News made it hard to be a fan of Ted Turner’s struggling promotion. In an effort to promote themselves as “big time”, they brought in WWF star Jake “The Snake” Roberts for a feud with the ever-popular Sting, with a showdown set for Halloween Havoc ’92.
|Now I know what you’re thinking. Any PPV that has the Barbarian in a world title match shouldn’t need any help getting buys (especially when you consider that his training sessions leading up to the show featured him getting cinder blocks smashed over his back and beating up a pumpkin named Ron). |
Still, WCW felt that a mini-movie detailing the Sting-Jake match would be just the thing to promote the PPV.
|Cue the full moon…|
|…and a seedy bar that requires a password to get in. In this case the password is “Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal”, and is uttered by Madusa, who is skanked out to … well … a Madusa 2000 level (sans the Goodyear boob job).|
|You want to talk seedy? Why, there are folks in Hannibal Lecter style masks…|
|…and big snake statues that have glowing eyeballs and spew smoke…|
|…and our old pal, the evil eye patch wearing midget known as Cheatum!|
|Of course, it wouldn’t be much of a bar without wrestling’s answer to Otis, and the star of our show, ladies and gentlemen, Jake “The Snake” Roberts!|
|Madusa walks over and fondles the penile-shaped lever for the Wheel of Misfortune…|
|…while the crowd gleefully chants “Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal!”|
|Unfortunately, the party is crashed by that Do Gooder, Sting.|
|He and Jake make mean faces at each other. Then they trade (none too clever) barbs…|
|…while Cheatum taunts Sting…|
|…and the whinos ooh and ahh.|
|Finally, Sting decides he’s had enough, and walks up to spin the wheel, all the while screaming, “No Whammies! No Whammies!”|
|Just as the wheel starts to spin, Jake comes up and has a staredown with the Stinger. |
Only instead of your standard wrestling staredown, LASERS shoot out of each man’s eyes and cause a big explosion!
|Thankfully, both men recover from the burns and shrapnel they no doubt received in time for their showdown at Halloween Havoc. |
Sting spins the wheel and makes the deal – it’s a Coal Miner’s Glove match, ironically enough (or maybe not) the most boring match on the wheel.
|For those of you who have never heard of a Coal Miner’s Glove Match, well., there’s a good reason for it. It basically is your standard “Item on a Pole” Match, in this case, said item being a glove with some kind of metal wrapped around it. |
The matches are really dull, and there hasn’t been one of a major PPV since this one.
|The match itself ended when the Stinger successfully retrieved the glove, and hit Jake in the face with it. Jake had brought in a snake to attack Sting, but the snake attacked Jake instead, biting him in the jaw. |
Well, that was what was supposed to happen at least.
In reality, Jake couldn’t get the snake to bite him, so he just kinda held it up to his face and writhed about in mock pain. At one point, Jake was so mad at the snake, he actually hit it on the head a couple of times.
The snake responded by just kinda flailing about stupidly, as Roberts kept holding its head against his face.
While the setup and the match itself were nothing to write about (although, come to think of it, I DID just write a whole page on it), the show did an incredible number for WCW. It was one of their biggest PPVs of all time, holding the record for most buys for many, many years. A Sting-Jake rematch should have been a natural.
Except for the fact that Jake started having “personal problems” once again. Halloween Havoc was Jake’s first – and last – WCW PPV.
Drunkards chant “Spin the Wheel – Make the Deal!!”
Sting (sounding angry in a wooden kinda way): “Cut the crap! Or do I have to come over there and kick your…”
Jake (perturbed, to say the least): “Sting, you don’t get it, do you, man?! You see the deal is on the wheel! Twelve of the toughest and most brutal matches in wrestling!”
Cheatum (completely evil in his dwarfeness)” “That’s right – Brutal!! BRUTAL!!”
Sting: “You think I’m afraid of some wheel? You think I’m afraid of you?”