It seems that not a week goes by in which I am not asked the same, tired question: “When are you going to induct Goldust?” There seems to be an inordinate amount of folks out there that really hated the character, and wonder how on earth I could not have placed him into the annals of crapdom within the past four years of this site’s existence. Of course, long-time Crappers likely know the reason: I felt that the original incarnation of Goldust was actually quite good. He was so far over the top that no matter what he did, you wanted to see what he was going to try next. Love him or hate him, you have to admit that whenever he appeared on screen, something weird – and unquestionably bizarre – would happen.
After a few years, though, the character wore out its welcome. Despite being given managers such as Luna Vachon, despite various face/heel turns, despite revamping the character on seemingly a weekly basis, eventually the entire act just got old. No longer could he shock us with his antics – we’d seen him kiss his opponent one time too many. Additionally, he was having issues with his real-life ex-wife, Terri, who was also employed by WWE at the time. Seeing the writing on the wall, Dustin made his exit from the company.
Shortly after his departure, rumors began swirling that Rhodes had signed with WCW to portray a character known as Se7en. It has been surmised over the years that this was the brain child of Vince Russo, but to be fair, the character actually made his debut a month or so before Russo ever hit the scene.
So while our favorite target isn’t to blame, trust me, SOMEONE is.
In an apparent attempt to prove that Goldust wasn’t so weird after all, incredibly bizarre vignettes began airing on Nitro threatening Se7en’s imminent arrival.
In a scene seemingly stolen right out of The Twilight Zone, a small boy approaches a window in the middle of a desert wasteland.
Well, if you’re going to rip something off, you might as well steal from the best.
When the little kid finally gets to the window, who should he see but…
The guy from Powder?
No no no, silly – that’s Se7en!
Utilizing the Ole Anderson Voice-O-Matic 2000, the ghostly specter begins to talk of a horror that is coming to WCW in the not so distant future.
And this horror wasn’t coming along, oh no…
…he was bringing along his demon horse!
We learn that this is, according to Se7en, “the Pale Horse.”
There it is, readers, proof positive that this cannot be Russo doing the writing.
Because if Russo was writing it, there can be no doubt the horse would have been dubbed “The Baloney Pony.”
Another promo a week or so later featured our tortured tot in his bedroom (yes, hisbedroom!) with Se7en and Mr. Ed looking in. Maybe it’s just me, but that’s just creepy, and not in a wacky zany fun pro wrestling kind of way.
Even scarier was the fact that now the little kid’s voice was also SCORPIONIZED. WCW may have wasted tons of money over the years, but Lord knows they got their money’s worth out of that stupid voice distortion box.
It should also be noted that, for whatever reason, this ten-year old has a BABY CRIB in his room.
Now don’t get me wrong – if some bizarre mime and My Little Pony From Hell were staring at me outside my bedroom window, I’d surely poop my diapers.
But sleep in a crib? I don’t think so.
After nearly a month of increasingly absurd promos featuring both our pasty faced hero and his reverse-bestiality pedophile equine sidekick, Se7en finally made his long-awaited debut in early November. As he floated (yes, literally) to the ring, fans sat on the edge of their seats, wondering what he had to say.
What they got was plain old Dustin Rhodes, talking about how stupid he looked (“I look like Uncle Fester!” he proclaimed – see, I was right!), how horrible the gimmick was and how he wouldn’t “play along with the script writers in the back.” This was, of course, in reference to Russo and Ed Ferrara, who had just arrived in WCW.
The real tragedy of the whole situation, of course, was that Se7en’s noble steed was never seen again.
Good bye, old friend. We hardly knew ye.
Indeed, it seems the Russo not only said screw Se7en, but also the Pale Horse he rode in on.