If you’ve been around this place for any length of time, you know I have different things I fall back on from time to time. You know what I’m talking about, the treasured chestnuts I keep in the back pocket when I personally need a laugh. Stuff like old game shows, dead sites, or sitcoms starring wrestlers. Thinking it’s time we add visits with Regis Philbin to that list, as by my count, this would be the third induction featuring my man Reege. Holy smokes how I love this guy. Remember the good times when the likes of The Ultimate Warrior and especially “Ravishing” Rick Rude showed up on his shows?
Pretty sure Kathie Lee is still going to therapy over that one!
She reportedly hating dealing with the wrestlers on the show, so maybe that’s why she a no show here, scooting out instead of welcoming the almighty Hulkster to the house. Instead, we got Christine I think her name was. That may note even be it. Like literally, I have zero idea who this woman is and she looked borderline petrified to say a word the whole time.
So on this here episode we learn that Hulk Hogan is not only the biggest wrestling star “of our time” according to Regis, but he’s about to embark on an acting career! Further, Regis tells us that for too long Hollywood had the Hulkster pegged wrong, having him in silly kid comedies when he should have been an ACTION STAR. And that’s exactly what’s happening now as in one week we’re getting the debut of Thunder in Paradise!
So Hulk comes out doing the whole Hogan thing, flexing, hand to the ear, all that jazz. He stops to show off a picture of Regis clothes pinned to his chest. No idea where that thing was from, but you can bet your fanny I’ll be scouring Etsy for a life size stand up of it to put in my front window the second I am done writing this article for y’all.
And I love it that the show gives us high quality chyron letting all those folks at home know who this man is. To be fair, it really isn’t a bad idea – Hogan looks to have lost about 80 pounds since we last saw him in the WWF. He honestly looks less pro wrestler and more a slightly jacked version of Jim Varney.
Anyway, Hulk starts plugging the show before randomly doing whatever the heck he is doing with his hands there. Hogan tells us this is a secret signal between himself and co-star Chris Lemmon. He doesn’t explain what the heck it means, just that they do it to each other. Free $10 in PayPal to the best answer in the comments below as to what on earth that gesture can possibly imply. Please, keep it clean.
Next we get this shot of Hulk with his other co-star, Carol Alt, as Hogan notes they look good together. Regis doesn’t even skip a bit before bellowing “You look good with anyone Hulk!” In addition to his other talents, Mr. Philbin an incredible suck up, and I mean that is the most glowing manner possible.
Regis then talks about how in the show Hogan and Lemmon are private investigators on Thunder in Paradise. But Hulk flips his lid explaining how that’s absolutely NOT the premise of the show, no no no. He then spends the next two minutes telling us how the show is actually about Navy SEALS and pirates and Batmobiles on water and drug runners and whales and Robin Hood and ten million other things. After inducting many Thunder in Paradise disasters over the years, I can tell you 98% of what was mentioned never appeared even once.
We then come back from commercial and Regis is getting FRISKY! He decides he’s going to try to box Hulk, then goes for a single leg takedown. This goes about as well as you’d expect, and Hogan eventually muscles him upside down and shakes him for change. Reege then escapes and kicks Hogan right in his little Hulksters. The National Park Service really needs to get to work on getting this man as the fifth head on Mount Rushmore immediately.
Hogan then starts telling stories and is he is wont to do, they are approximately 3% factual. Here he tells us the saga of how Sylvester Stallone saw Hulk in Madison Square Garden and begged him to be in Rocky III as Thunderlips, the ultimate male. We learn that Sly “was like 90 feet tall in the public eye” but compared to Hulk he was a pipsqueak, dragging Regis out of his chair to help recreate this legendary moment.
We get one more double bicep as Hulk bids us adieu, but not before plugging Thunder in Paradise on more time. This was amazing.
Now let’s jump forward a dozen years as we get the Hulkster showing up to visit his old pal one more time, who is now joined by his co-hostess the spectacular Kelly Ripa. Yes kids, it’s true – we’re getting Rip and Ripa together!
And much like Regis, she shills with the best of them. They talk about how unbelievable Hulk was in MSG and how when he simply walked across the street in Times Square it caused a traffic jam. Hogan also tells us it would get so loud in the arenas when he was wrestling, it would make his jaws water. I don’t know how decibel levels lead to uncontrollable salivation, but if the Hulkster says it’s so it must be so!
Regis tells Hulk how great he looks in blue…huh…you know what, this is the second show he appeared on in that hue. Thinking back, we always think of Hogan in red and yellow of course, but he wore blue a LOT in his career, from the early days of his first WWF title run to shilling Thunder in Paradise to TNA. I’m morbidly curious to know the percentage of years in his career he sported the baby blues.
Hulk spends the bulk of this session talking about Brookeamania running wild and his son Nick being a race car driver. Yeah, neither of those really panned out, one being way way WAY worse than the other. Heading to commercial Hulk gives a thumbs up but Regis ain’t down with that, literally forcing Hulk into a strong man pose. LOVE THAT REGIS!
And my God…tomorrow we’re getting a pairing of Regis and DON RICKLES? That has to be one for the ages!
Hulk then talks about his wrestling career, but he’s blown his knee out lifting getting up from the couch. Regis notes that he also has a knee problem, one so bad that would have put Hulk in the hospital!
At this point, Kelly’s heard about enough from these two bozos, rolling her eyes and lamenting, “That’s too bad, as I was counting on you two wrestling each other like you normally do.” Have I mentioned how much I love this woman?
Reege then asks Hulk about the worst injury he ever suffered, and Hulk explains that it was at WrestleMania III against Andre. You see, Andre was billed at 500 pounds but really he was 700 pounds at the time. Of course this was when he tore every single muscle in his back. That sounds completely devastating, so I question how he was wrestling a couple weeks later. Must be the power of Hulkamania, Jack!
We wrap up with Hulk extolling the virtues of with the good Lord above as my witness and I am NOT making this up, POKEMON. See, kids, it’s a good video game, completely wholesome, safe for the kids! Teaches good life lessons or something! And you know how horrible and nasty and stinky some of those OTHER video games are! (Note from RD: I hear that and I immediately think of the ones Hogan was selling for some Chinese bootlegger.)
Anyway, yes kids, HULK HOGAN LOVES POKEMON! And there’s your video evidence to prove it. I see that and I can only think one thing – how I would totally dig a match pitting the Hulkster against Mudkip. Gotta slam ’em all, brother!