Yes yes, I know I’ve covered this before, but it was like 87 years ago and had images the size of postage stamps. Besides, I’ve unearthed way more than I ever covered/even knew before, so strap in kids and enjoy this special extended tale of Paul Orndorff and his psychic pal, Gary Spivey!
Let us return to the fall of 1995 as Orndorff was in a bit of a funk. Despite a legendary career, he was suddenly losing a lot of matches and began questioning himself at every turn. By golly, he didn’t even know if he WAS Mr. Wonderful anymore! At Fall Brawl the cameras caught him backstage and he seemed to be completely losing his mind. However, he was about to have a visitor in the form of…
GARY SPIVEY OF THE PSYCHIC COMPANIONS NETWORK!!!!
Faster than you can say “what are you doing here?”, Gary goes into a spiel about how he had a vision that Paul wasn’t doing ok. And how did he know this? Because PSYCHICS KNOW! And by golly, he is a psychic of psychic proportions! Gary explains over and over to Paul that he IS Mr. Wonderful. In fact, they (meaning everyone on the planet I presume) call YOU Mr. Wonderful! And you know you’re wonderful too. He tells us that the bad days for Paul are in the past. Better days are ahead! Bigger cars! Bigger houses! More money! No problems!
Bouyed by Gary’s words, Paul begins to fondle himself and kiss the mirror. Truly things were now going to be going his way and he owed it all to his psychic companion! With his mission accomplished, Gary smiled and left. And Paul knew it was all sunshine, lollipops, and pro wrestling title belts in the future!
Truly it was going to be a Wonderful era. As a way of honoring Gary and also maintaining his newly rediscovered self-confidence, he began bringing a mirror with him to the ring. Look at how happy he is!
He was knocking off opponents left and right and climbing up the rankings. His piledriver was as lethal as ever. And he was ready to take on bigger names in the company, including guys like Johnny B. Badd.
And THAT match is when disaster struck. As Paul was ogling himself, that no goodnik Little Richard lookalike had the temerity to clothesline Paul from behind, knocking him out of the ring and…oh no…oh no no no no!!! BREAKING HIS MIRROR IN THE PROCESS! Orndorff knew IMMEDIATELY what that meant – seven years of bad luck!
Losing his ever loving mind, Paul ran backstage as fast as he could. He rushed to find a phone and give Gary a call. If anyone could help the cause, it would be Gary! However, the bad luck had already begun, as he didn’t get Gary on the line, but rather his ANSWERING MACHINE. Crying out in the saddest manner possible, he begged and pleaded for Gary to pick up the phone and call him back! And those jerk announcers Tony Schiavone and Dusty Rhodes weren’t giving him any support at all on commentary!
It would get worse, as Gary did NOT immediately get back with our hero. With no mirror to gaze longingly into, Paul went into a disastrous spiral, once again questioning who he was. Certainly he was no longer Mr. Wonderful. Things were so bad that even the likes of Wildcat Willie couldn’t help!
In the ring, things were worse still as even the lowliest geeks had Paul’s number. Seriously, look at that scrub dropkicking Paul right out of the ring. Can you imagine anyone – ANYONE – doing that to Mr. Wonderful? Let alone a skinny Ricky Morton wannabe like this guy?
There was only one person that could help, only one person – Gary Spivey. Backstage, he was just waiting for him to call, pacing uncontrollably like a high school girl waiting for her beau to make that phone ring. (Just substitute “jacked body builder with ridiculous feathered hair” for high school girl and “crazy man with a giant brillo pad on his head” for beau.) GARY! GARY WHERE ARE YOU? Is that you? (NO! WRONG NUMBER!)
Just as he was about to give up all hope, the phone rings once more…and FINALLY Gary Spivey is here for the rescue. In a dreamy bubble no less! Seriously, I am going to keep that on my desktop and any time >>>I<<< am having a bad day I am going to stare at it until my mood improves, which I am guessing will take all of five seconds. So why did he finally call? Well, Gary explains that got a vision that Paul was NOT ok. I mean, I’d hope he would – Orndorff called him like 943 times. Gary keeps explaining that everybody has bad luck sometimes…but things are going to get better for Mr. Wonderful VERY soon. In fact, things will be better than ever before!
True to his word, an edEx (seriously – they covered up the F!) package arrives and inside is…A NEW MIRROR!!! One that clearly tells Paul that “I am #1derful.” And finally, once more, Paul Orndorff realizes that he IS wonderful. And the whole world knows it too!
As if that wasn’t proof enough, Paul also finds a lucky penny on the floor. And it’s HEADS UP! And just like that, Orndorff’s legendary music swells….and all is once again right with the world. That is, until injuries forced him into retire from active competition less than three months later. You’d think Gary would have seen that coming.
Mr. Wonderful sadly passed away in 2021, but not to fear as Gary Spivey is still alive and well, with his hair (wait, that was hair?) growing to incredible proportions. Not only that, he reached out and talked to Paul Orndorff from BEYOND THE GRAVE. Thanks to this interview with Hannibal, we learn that Paul is doing just fine, wrestling in heaven with the likes of Andre the Giant. Not only that, he’s walking around up in the clouds with his mirror, all the while STILL telling himself he IS Mr. Wonderful. So while we’ve always thought it would be St. Peter welcoming us through the pearly gates, maybe, just maybe, it will be Paul Orndorff instead. Thanks for the info, Gary!!