Halloween Havoc Hoax 2

Halloween Havoc Hoax 2

Jim Cornette is a man I have a lot of respect for. Sure, his backstage antics aren’t always the most politically correct, and obviously he could stand to take a few anger management classes, but as far as his knowledge of professional wrestling and its history, there are few that can touch him.

One of my favorite Cornette theories is the idea that anything in wrestling can be repeated after a seven year grace period. The logic behind this, as I’ve probably stated before, is that there would be enough turnover in the wrestling fanbase that what would be old hat to some fans would actually be new to most fans. Plus, if something has drawn in the past, logic would state that with a fresh set of characters, it could well draw again.

That would appear to be the logic in what WCW did at Halloween Havoc 2000. Of course, logic and WCW didn’t really co-exist well at the time…

Ah yes, Halloween Havoc 2000, I remember it well. You probably don’t, but then again, you don’t run a site that chronicles all the WORST in wrestling, so you’re forgiven. Anyhoo, it is pretty much one of the worst PPVs of all time, and it wouldn’t be out of the question, in fact, to induct the whole damn show.

Just look at some of the stupidity on display here.

We had a horrific kickboxing match between Ernest the Cat Miller and Mike Sanders; a Canadian Hacksaw Jim Duggan; and more nonsensical twists and turns than Lombard Street in San Francisco.

And that’s just for starters, kids – this was a looooong night o’ crap.

For instance, there was also a DNA match, featuring David Flair against Buff Bagwell, part of an ongoing storyline to find out who was the father of Stacy Keibler’s child.

Remember that angle? No? Well, then consider yourself lucky, Sparky. See, this was a DNA match, because Flair was going to beat blood out of Bagwell. Once being in posession of said blood, Flair would thus be able to run a DNA test to determine Stacy’s child’s true paternity.

This despite the fact that the baby hadn’t been born yet.

And, of course, with this being Vince Russo’s handiwork, the baby was never born.

Actually, scratch that. With it being Russo, I am actually somewhat surprised the baby wasn’t born, with said baby actually being a midget in a baby outfit who attacked Flair and then beat Booker T to win the world title in the same show. Because, you see, that would garner a headline in USA Today (“Infant Wins Wrestling Title!”), much like the David Arquette title swap did, and we all know what a success that was.

See, it’s not hard to think like Vince Russo.

You just need a big ol’ bowl of burning hemp wafting into your nostrils.

WARNING: Neither WrestleCrap.com nor RD Reynolds condone substance abuse. In fact, RD Reynolds has never even smoked a cigarette. If you have a substance abuse problem, please seek assistance immediately.

If you don’t, you might end up thinking like Vince Russo, and that’s very bad.

So anyway, sure, we could have inducted this whole mess. But at the end of day, there was one match, one angle, that was far more craptacular than everything else combined.

And for that, we shall single it out.

The fiasco in question was a Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett match. No doubt you’re thinking, “these two should actually put on a decent bout.” And you’d be right.

Except, of course, for the fact that they were involved in a wacky storyline that had Jarrett dressing up as Sting on a weekly basis, with old Double J claiming that Sting no longer had any passion for the business.

Well, he was stuck in WCW since 1988…can you blame the guy?

Anyway, the two have their match, and about two minutes in, a bogus Sting comes wandering down the aisle.

Sound familiar? Why yes, this IS the very same thing that took place in 1990, at the very same PPV no less!

Hold onto your hats, kiddies – it’s the return of the Halloween Havoc Hoax!

Sure enough, down comes Sting, circa 1989 Sting, to be exact, and to be even more exact, that would be Halloween Havoc 89 Sting, according to Tony Schiavone, who apparently kept track of what tights and facepaint Sting wore in every match of the past twelve years. Guess a guy has to have a hobby.

Unlike in 1990, 2000 Sting wiped out this impostor with the death drop, as the commentators argued over whether or not Sting could be counted out for fighting himself. Don’t ask me, I’m just telling you what they said.

But hey, it was quick and it was over, so I guess it wasn’t so bad.

Except, of course, that it was so bad.

You see, after Jarrett and Sting fought a bit more, a 1990 Sting showed up, wearing the never fashionable Sgt. Pepper jacket.

Seriously, even Paul McCartney couldn’t pull that look off, so expecting a makeup wearing Steve Armstrong to do it is asking a bit much.

New Sting polished this joker off too, using the old Killer Bees ear smack.

Sadly, an impostor B. Brian Blair didn’t make an appearance.

No, instead next we got WOLFPACK Sting, something I had tried really, really hard to forget. The red facepaint makes him look like an angry crab, not a Scorpion. In retrospect, it’s really too bad he didn’t wear that originally, because I would have paid top dollar to hear him come out to “Man Called Crab.”

Anyway, you know the drill by now, and soon enough Wolfpack Sting was obliterated and we’re back to Jarrett-Sting, with Sting getting the upperhand.

Of course, that can’t work, so we get…

…Trenchcoat Sting, who drags 2000 Sting down into the ring. That guy doesn’t last long, and just as Sting is about to end my misery be getting back into the ring and winning the match, the lights go out and down from the rafters comes…

…Crow Sting (sadly without that vulture/buzzard/crow critter he used to cart around).

Weird – I always though Crow Sting was the same as Trenchcoat Sting. In fact, I’m sure they are. I think what happened was that Russo just got to a point, realized that there were no further Sting variations, and said, “Screw that, I need one more run-in, preferably with a a bald guy!”

And sure enough, 2005 Sting pummels Crow Sting, so much that he knocks his wig off. I don’t remember Bald Sting, but apparently he’s from the future according to the commentators (and again, I am not making this up).

I guess, come 2020 or so, Steve Borden, bereft of hair, will be making his big comeback.


So what was the big payoff to all this, you ask? How did it all affect the finale?

It didn’t.

See, Jarrett just hit Sting over the head with his guitar and got the pin. So having all these ghosts of Stinger past meant nothing, nada, zilch.

Which kind of begs the question…why did we need all those Stings out there in the first place?

Note to all future wrestling promoters from your old pal RD Reynolds…if you’re going to recycle something, at least try to do it better.

And oh yeah, one more thing.

Don’t recycle WrestleCrap.

Stevie Ray: “This Sting’s the worst of all of them…his hair is off, Tony! This Sting’s gotta be 70 years old!”

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