When you step back and think about it, inductions here at WrestleCrap pretty much fall into one of a few categories. You have the ridiculous cartoon characters, like the Gobbledy Gooker or Max Moon. Over the top storylines, like Val Venis getting his weiner lopped off are also common fodder. And, of course, the backlog of horrific wrestling movies that were somehow greenlighted. When I am looking for source material, this is what I usually spec out.
Today, though, we have a first. While we’ve covered countless ridiculous angles and characters in the past, I can’t recall ever inducting a storyline that was based on an out and out lie, yet was regarded by both announcers and on-air talent as being 100% fact.
To wit: Molly Holly is a fat ass.
I bet you didn’t know that. I didn’t. In fact, my eyeballs seemed to register that Molly Holly was anything BUT a lass hauling a lot of junk in her trunk. Trust me, I lived through the Bertha Fayes and the Mount Fijis of years gone by. Even in a world populated by fitness models and grade Z Skinamax skanks, good ol’ Nora Greenwald could never realistically be classified as anything more massive than the term “petite.”
Of course, WWE has always subscribed to the old adage of never letting the truth get in the way of a good story. The only difference in this case is that this time the truth didn’t get in the way of a good story, it got in the way of a bad story. An incredibly, ridiculously, inexcusably, preposterously, bad story.
You know, the kind WWE excels at producing these days.
The year two-thousand-three anno domini saw Molly Holly and Trish feuding over the “coveted” WWE Women’s title. Molly had taken to being of higher moral values than the other ladies in the division, and wasn’t afraid to point out the fact that she excelled in wrestling, not bikini contests. The rest of the Divas were aghast at such a statement, and reacted as you’d expect them to: by saying that Molly had a fat ass.
Even though she didn’t.
Hey, don’t ask us to explain WWE storylines – we just make fun of them.
Anyway, this was apparently the reason that Molly didn’t like the Trishes and Terris of the world: because she had a “fat ass.” Apparently having a “fat ass” makes you hate people who weigh like two pounds less than you do. Don’t take our word for it, here’s Trish to explain it.
Now everyone knows that yours truly is the biggest Trish mark on the planet. But you could tell in watching and listening to that clip that she was putting nothing into this feud, and really, how could she? It would be like handing Robert De Niro the script to Gigli and expecting him to win an Oscar. Shit ain’t happening.
The real question to us is who the hell would come up with such a ridiculous idea.
Pot, ready to meet kettle?
As if you needed to guess.
Wait, scratch that.
Ass if you needed to guess.
Yep, that’s much better.
Thankfully, this ridiculous storyline was dropped pretty quickly, and WWE decided to start mocking Molly for something else: the fact that she was a legit virgin. As you can imagine, Uncle Jerry Lawler had a field day with that one. After all, how dare this young woman save herself for her future husband? That’s not how a WWE Diva should act!
And so she didn’t act like a WWE Diva – she took the high road and left the company in 2005.
Can you blame her?
– Trish (sounding as if she’s channeling the spirit of Linda McMahon): “I finally figured out why you don’t like Terri and I so much. I mean, you talk about how this and that, but really, it’s because you have a big ass. You talk about morales and everything, but I think the problem is that you have a big ass. Seriously, it’s like an ampitheater, you could show a drive inn movie on your ass.”