Kerwin White

Kerwin White

So I’m listening to Observer Live this week, and Dave mentions that he doesn’t know if Chavo Guerrero, who is slated to face Rey Mysterio at SummerSlam, can live up to being a main event heel. I started pondering it, and wondered why, in fact, Chavo has never made it up the ranks. I mean, it’s obvious he’s a heck of a wrestler, and at times has shown a good deal of charisma. Maybe, I thought, he just needs a makeover.

But then it hit me right in the face.

Or maybe should I say “white in the face.”

You see, back in 2005, Chavo was, in fact, given a major makeover, and a very well-defined character. He even got a new entrance video and a new name. Heck, he even got a golf cart! And really, I like to think that if the company is behind you enough to shell out for a golf cart, you’re in line for a main event push. Maybe even a multi-year title reign.

But such events never happened for Chavo’s new alter ego, Kerwin White.

Chavo’s trademark black hair? Gone, no doubt courtesy of a bottle of Clorex. One pair of khakis, polo shirt, and tied on sweater later, Kerwin White, the whitest Hispanic not named “Bryan Alvarez“, was born!

And Chavo Guerrero? Who was Chavo Guerrero? Probably some chump hanging out in the unemployment line, hoping to find a job at the local Taco Bell. Don’t blame me for that line – that’s what ol’ Kerwin himself said! See, because Chavo was just some low class hispanic, whereas Kerwin White…well, he was white.

And as his catch phrase went, “If it’s not white, it’s not right!”

So as you’d suspect, Kerwin forsaked beating a piñata in favor of playing golf (maybe he could have teamed with Barry Darsow)…

…and doing the white man shuffle.

He even went so far as to call himself “The Great White Hope.” Egads.

Racist? Oh yeah. Stupid too. But there was one great thing about the character, something so great that I have basically spent the past two years going back and forth about whether Kerwin should be inducted: his entrance music and video.

Taking a page out of the Frank Sinatra songbook, Kerwin’s entrance theme was awesome. Awesome awesome awesome. Just hearing it, I want to go have some coffee by the pool. This is most impressive since I don’t have a pool and I hate coffee. I better quit listening to it or I am going drop a Salmon Chase on an inground.

And while I rag on the racist overtones of the character of Kerwin White, that entrance theme was perfect, everything that an entrance theme should be. It was catchy, goofy, and you immediately – IMMEDIATELY – knew who this character was and what he was all about. And in case you were, I don’t know, DEAF, his entrance video, which consisted of approximately four 2-second clips spliced together then played over and over again, would have clued you in.

Do a Google Search for my Entrance…You’ll Find It! Neato!

While in most instances we’d be happy about a character such as Kerwin White being canned, we cannot in this case, as it was done so in the wake of Chavo’s uncle Eddie passing away. Still, we’ll always have fond memories of Kerwin, if only due to his theme song.

And the fact that he ripped off a really funny Eddie Murphy SNL skit.

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